Hey all, long time no speak. B"H, at 59 days, feeling great-a little bit weaker than previous weeks, but Bli Ayin Hara not in the danger zone.
Feel like I need to provide a quick summary of my story to provide background: I first was exposed to porn (I have never struggled with masturbation in any form, B"H-don't know why, but I'm certainly not complaining) over 5 years ago on an improperly filtered computer in the house. For almost 4 years I struggled with watching increasing amounts of porn, nearly getting caught several times, but keeping it a secret from my parents (and everyone else) all the while. Just after Pesach 5782/2022, mired in depression and anxiety, I finally worked up the courage to call HHM and get help. That, combined with my miracle worker & Godsend of a therapist (the only other person to know of the problem), allowed me to begin to heal and grow both as a person and as a Ben Torah, B"H. Not long afterwards I went to Eretz Yisrael and B"H flourished, watching less and less pornography (as I did not have access to the Internet very often) and coming back home this past Pesach on a high note. Unfortunately, I began to fall again repeatedly once home, as the unfiltered (or partially filtered, I.E., filters that were not hard to get around) devices lying around provided constant temptation, and as my parents had no clue of what was going on, it was difficult to get them to see the need to properly filter said devices. 
Now we get to the point. As I began Shidduchim not too long after my arrival home, it became clear to me that while my watching porn had B"H significantly diminished in frequency, it was still a recurring issue, which I obviously could not afford to have at this critical stage of life. I grit my teeth and had multiple delicate conversations with my parents about the necessity for proper filters (still without telling them about my personal struggles), and got them to properly filter most (but not all) of the devices in the home. I also reached out to HHM for additional support and he put me in touch with 2 terrific partners, who provided (and still provide) nonstop streams of motivation, support and encouragement day in and day out. This helped enormously, to the point that my viewing porn was less frequent than ever, but as I hinted above, it didn't close all the gaps, and I came to the realization that the only way to properly get rid of the access to porn was to tell my parents the truth.
But I was simply too afraid. Afraid of their reactions, of their possible (and in my view at the time, probable) disappointment, anger and worry, of the hurt in their voices as they would ask me why I hadn't told them before now.
Rosh HaShana arrived, and I thought to myself over and over of what an incredible year of growth it had been, and how I could have an even better year in 5783-if I would just tell my parents and close the gaps, thus eliminating the remaining threats to my possible destruction, and helping me be in the best possible place I could be-not only for this critical time in my life, but for the rest of it. This thought lingered in my brain and festered over the Aseres Y'mei Teshuva, until Yom Kippur. Then it began to really take hold.
Came Neilah, and I suddenly broke down. Tears flowed. I cried like a baby. I could barely stand from emotion. I was practically collapsing on the table from sobbing during Avinu Malkeinu. I made up my mind on the spot. I was going to do what I had sought to avoid doing for 5 years. 
The second Havdalah ended, I told my parents I needed to speak to them privately and urgently-had I waited another minute, I might have lost the nerve. Sobbing-partially from emotion, partially from fear-I told them practically everything (I left out the gory details, and told them that I was doing so intentionally, which they understood-no need for them to know, they got more than the gist). 
And you know what? Telling them has been one of the best decisions of my life.
I've been clean every day since (and I'd already been clean for a bit before that night, B"H at 59 days now). I've barely felt the urge, as there's hardly any access (one device that I have access to in this house has not been filtered yet, but it will be soon, per my parents' promise, and it's kept in their room in the meantime for that reason) to speak of, and I'm feeling fantastic-more complete and תמימות'דיק than I ever thought possible, בלי עין הרע. HHM had been encouraging me to tell them for quite some time, and my only regret now is not telling them sooner. Their reactions were, B"H, much better than I would have expected-not without emotion and tears, but with considerably more understanding and grace than I had braced myself for. As I said, things have gotten immeasurably better and easier. I feel like a different person. Aside from the aforementioned benefits that resulted from that conversation, the mere act of telling them in and of itself was incredibly emboldening-it was having the guts to do something that I never thought I'd be able to do, and then actually doing it. Their surprisingly understanding reactions were the icing on the cake.
Now, obviously, every situation is different. I'm not recommending that every fellow Bochur who hasn't told his parents about his fight should go and do so right now. This post is for those who are considering it, who realize it would be helpful, who know that it would benefit them greatly in the long run, but are afraid of doing so.
I was that Bochur. But I did it. And both my רוחניות AND גשמיות have been elevated to levels I never thought I'd reach since then.
Trust me, I know the feeling. Nothing needs to be decided on right now. But it can be done.
If it's going to help-if you're convinced that it will benefit you-but you're afraid of what will follow in the short term, take a deep breath.
Then go for it.
Hatzlacha Rabba to all my fellow fighters.
FWF

It wasn't easy, but telling my father i had a "internet problem" was a huge relief. He upgraded the filters, even as the rest of my family complained to him (and me) that many shopping websites are blocked. And just knowing i have his support is a huge help. He made sure that i can access gye without my siblings coming to see what im up to. And he told me to let him know if the filter isn't good enough. Its definitely something to consider. 

Wow amazing article! 
I give you a lot of courage for doing the right thing!!!! May you be zoche to stay clean & find the right one bekorev mamesh! Keep being an inspiration to us!!! 

Of course there are exceptions, but most parents are extremely supportive due to their love of their children and their concern for them. They are ready to change the access in the house despite the inconvenience. In addition the anxious secrecy/hiding simply disappears. The decision whether to tell or not should be made wisely - but when it is determined that it can be done, then it should be done. A real game changer.

going to ask my father to move some devices that I've had trouble with in the past before i go home for shabbos. ill let you guys know how it goes tomorrow

ainshumyeiush wrote on 06 Dec 2023 05:54:

Went well. He said he'll take care of either moving them or changing the codes

I am very pleased this is working for you fighterwithfire.

I do though think I could never tell mine.

The particular psychological make up of each family has to be considered, and I think it would cause my mum to have some sort of breakdown.

There would be other people I would confide in.

For me, this forum is where I confide in fellow Yidden, who understand what we are aiming for.

Amazing!

such a nice and well written post. honestly i was nervous while reading that it wouldn't end well, and i'm so happy for you that it did bh.
אשריך that you found the courage to share w your parents, and that you grew so much in your struggle.
also, you're very lucky to have what sounds like such wonderful parents

Im home again for shabbos, and my father just told me that he threw away the tablets that i used to use (he moved them last time i was home after i asked him to) 
this makes my struggle much easier now, because those devices could be brought to my room without anyone noticing that they're gone. It also helps because i know that he is supporting me, and believes in me.

Ashrecha!!! You are one fortunate fellow who has a wise and loving father - and you share the zchus as well - you had the courage to open up to him.

Gut Vuch,

Nice!! I remember from my personal experience that coming home for shabbos, was always very difficult. It was almost impossible for me to stay clean on Bein Hazmanim. I always tried not having access, but found it, someway. Keep on going strong!