adam2014 wrote on 13 Feb 2024 10:42:

Wow!
Such Gevura!

adam2014 wrote on 13 Feb 2024 10:42:

WOW!!!

This is incredible! It takes real ******* to do that. You got some steel ones man!

Dont let your mind get sucked into this anymore. 

post edit- i was pm'd that a word i used is vulgar and that it has no place on GYE. 

Random morning Coffee Thought... I was looking through my Dashboard and saw the long, flat line that looked like a heart monitor in the hospital of a guy who had just passed away. I saw in the middle of it two spikes of the two days that I had fallen over the last 30 days, and it reminded me of a life that was on life support and fading away. Two last gasps of the YH clinging on to my life. A life that was in disarray for decades, a life stuck in the mud of filth and despair. When we usually see those monitors "flat-lining," it is a sad and painful day, but this "death" is anything but sad. It is a rebirth of sorts, a rebirth of my Neshama. I am walking the streets in a new world, a world that is led by Hashem and not the YH. The "real" world, not the morbid and chaotic world the YH put in front of me for so long.

I see Hashem's beauty in so many more things now. I hold my head high instead of staring at the ground in a desperate attempt to avoid the filth in front of me. I am looking at the trees and the sky and, yes, the people walking along the street with me. While the threats still exist around every corner, I am not naive that I will surely have some challenges in the future. I am living in a wonderful new world, a world I didn't know existed only a few months ago. 

For those of you who are just starting out, never forget that a better world is out there for all of us. You will get there in due time. Every journey is unique. Keep plugging away, and with Hashems' health and a good dose of GYE.. you will see what I am now just beginning to see soon!!

HERO!!!

Hardly, but Thank you!!

Cancer... The great equalizer... My wife and my best friend in the world has breast cancer... It was discovered about five months ago. She went through 12 rounds of Chemo with no success; they could not get the tumor to shrink. This Tuesday morning at 7 am, she is going into surgery to have both breasts removed, and some tissue in the area that might also have cancer cells also removed. It is a major surgery and, unfortunately, her last best chance at beating this. I am writing this today for two reasons.

1. When I think about the problem that got me to GYE and compare it to the cancer that she is fighting, part of me says that "How can I complain about watching porn on my computer while my best friend is clinging to life itself." How does this even qualify as a problem? That is unfair to say. It is both unfair to her and to myself. Yes, her struggle is more in the open; it is more cut and dry. She will beat this, or she will die. Our issue is a spiritual life-or-death situation. Will we live out our days with the "cancer" of filth and porn infecting our life? I wish that I could have surgery and have my problem "cut out of me."... Both are terrible, and both are worse in their own way. Her struggle has made me even more motivated to beat my issue. Life is full of struggles, and watching her battle is making me stronger. 

2. I would like to ask all of my friends on GYE to include her in their Davening this Tuesday (Feb 20th) at 7 AM. I have reached out to all of my friends in Israel, and I have, at this point, 3 different minions planned to have her included in their prayers. Her Hebrew name is Chaya bat Eta Leah.

The power of you guys has already changed my life; I have no doubt that you could do the same for her.

Adam, tears in my eyes… 
Working on yourself and growing steadily while dealing with such an incredibly difficult and painful situation… there are no words. 
Will be Davening for her, for you, of course. But please know that your prayers are especially powerful, too. 
May Hashem answer all whispered, desperate Tefillos and give us all we so badly need … May you and your wife find full healing, peace, and health and joy. 

With a full heart,
Chaim 

Dear Adam,

I have no words – rather I should say I have a lot; I just can’t bring them out.

The pain, the difficulties you are describing while at the same time you’re saying such clear and amazing things. Your strength and determination is phenomenal.

I am very sorry for what you are going through, I will IYH have you and your wife in mind in my Tefillos.

Thank you for posting this, point #1 was very important for me to ‘hear’.

Dear Adam,

Who knew what you were going through, all this time as you were doggedly forging ahead! I too am at a total loss of words. And feeling a deep, searing pain to hear this. I join the others here and everywhere in prayer and hope, of course we will daven for your wife for a complete refuah shelaimah. 

Sincerely, 
Youknowwho 

adam2014 wrote on 17 Feb 2024 10:37:

When a brother is in pain we are all in pain. I wont wait until the surgery to daven I will start right now.
I will bli neder say tehillim 1-10 tonight and through Tuesday for as complete refuah sheleima.
Brothers, Feel free to join in.

Rav Mendel of Rimanov zy"a says that when one does something against his nature, he can ask Hashem to go against His nature - (meaning what He has decreed should be the normal natural system). You and many of the guys here have made multiple moves completely opposite of your natural desires, and with mesiras nefesh broke your own nature. Buddy, daven - you have the koach to pray. Ask Hashem to ignore the statistics etc, and send a complete refuah. And know all your buddies here will be doing the same.

Can you type the Hebrew letters for how you spell Eta?

OMG.... First of all... I am speechless at the responses... I will write more when I stop crying.....

I just reread my post and realized that I made a terrible mistake.... It is NOT my wife who has Cancer.... It is both of our BEST FRIEND!! The first line in my post was unclear, it sounded like I was saying my wife had the cancer.. Please forgive me

I am reeling at my mistake. The outpouring of love is way beyond words. and for you guys to think that it was my wife is awful. I could feel the love in every word. The friend with cancer is named Carolyn. She is married with two kids and is 55 years old. We have been friends for years. My wife and Carolyn went to Israel together; we have traveled all over together as couples. 

She never hosted a Shabbat dinner in her life until five months ago, on the first Friday after her diagnosis. We brought the candles and the Challah plate, the kiddish cup, and everything that she needed for a Shabbat dinner. 

I am happy to say that she has not missed a Shabbat since. I instructed them on some of the rituals, and I have her husband reading Tehillim every day for her recovery. They came from a very secular background (obviously), and it is not uncommon to reach out to Hashem in a time of need, but I truly feel that once she beats this Cancer, she will continue in her spiritual journey. Due to the Cancer, her husband isn't working, and she also was in the working world and money is tight for the first time in their adult lives and I think that on some level, that is good for them. They are looking inward and not outward. The Mercedes Benz in their driveway means a lot less now than it did five months ago. 

Please accept my deepest apology for my error. I try to choice my words somewhat carefully, but I missed the mark (Badly)  on this one.