foolie wrote on 18 Oct 2023 17:35:

I feel your pain, I am reminded of myself two years ago, watching porn basically every single day, if someone would have told me that I could not have a desire for porn I would have said you don't know me you don't know what you are talking about, I am a straight man of course I want to watch porn and now two years later the me of the past was wrong. It was a 4 year process and a ten year fight but with Hashem's help that's what happened for me.
That's why I asked if you want to change, no one will be able to convince you to change or give you reasons for wanting to change, if you don't want to change you won't. Why do you want a piercing or a tattoo? what do you think about people who have them? What do they have that you are lacking? What were you lacking growing up that now you are trying to fix? What will happen if you never get another piercing again or if you take out the one you currently have? These questions are just a start and if  you want to you can see which questions you don't want to answer and ask yourself why. 

Let’s see if I can answer all your questions satisfactorily.

1. Do I want to change? There is nothing to change in this regard, I did something to save my life, what’s done is done.
2. Why do I want a piercing or a tattoo?  Those who have understand those who don’t can’t (I apologize for what must seem like a cop out but I don’t have the words to describe it to you)
3. What do I think of them? They’re humans 
4. What do they have that I don’t? I don’t know what they have, I know what I have
5. What from my childhood am I trying to fix? Being abused en masse by my classmates 
6. What if I never get another one? I highly doubt I ever will 
7. If I take the ones I have out? Right now a lot of anxiety and mental anguish that aren’t worth going through 

Hopefully all your questions have been satisfactorily answered

I do not specifically relate to this particular struggle. But there’s plenty that’s hard for me, in different ways, too. And I think I can empathise a bit. 

There are desires and drives for particular actions and pleasures. And then there are different kinds of drives- things that stem from a need inside your being. Therein lie the dragons…

I think Vehkam said it well (as he always does). The way I would put it is this: We are not static- we don’t stay the same. Our “being” changes. With time, with experiences, relationships, healing and growth. And as we change, so do our needs, sometimes. 
And the most fundamental changes happen as we develop a deeper perspective on life, a different way to SEE living, best based on connection with Hashem presence relationship in our lives. 

For me, GYE means Hope. And that’s a great and special thing. 
Here’s a warm, friendly, hand.

Chaim Oigen

Agreed, we are not static beings. I’m not looking to be cured of my piercings. It was done at a time when suicide was the alternative. I’m not that person anymore. I’m also as I said earlier not in a place where I would get any more. With that said there is something visceral for a lack of a better way to describe it about getting pierced that one who has not done cannot understand that every once in awhile wants to be felt again, in the same way that you recently expressed the desire to go back to the tumult and your seat in yeshiva. Are there areas we can all work on to be better in our yiddishkeit of course to have a better relationship with Hashem, I see Hashem in my daily life.

However for me GYE means being an outsider and an outlier. Is that a deficiency on my part maybe, maybe not, but the fact few people have the courage to speak up and say I relate to this thing that you went through, were going through just reinforces that notion to me. 

I thank you for the warm hand and your empathy

Yes, my friend. I can relate to this one although I never acted on it.

Piercing, tattoos, and indoor/artificial tanning is something I crave regularly. Tattoos and tanning more then piercing.

I mapped out a plan for myself and for my wife as well (which I obviously never shared with her). Unfortunately, I've spent too much time online on this topic. BH I never acted on it, but my YH tells me that one day I'll still act on it.

The only thing I do is push it under the rug. But for now I simply gave up, as it's something that I can't do as a Jew.

Yes, I would love too. But it's simply not possible. I had to use this method for things that the Torah does allow (but my wife doesn't) so I had an easier time using this method for things that the Torah doesn't allow.

There's a tattoo and tanning shop right next to my house, And I always hope that I can just pop in and maybe one day my wife will get me a gift card as a present. But it's not happening, so I try not to think about it and look for things that really matter in life....like Family time. Learning. Working. Relationships. Giving to those around me. Embracing the beautiful life I BH have.

Wishing you much luck and happiness!

I don't think the fact that you still desire it indicates any flaw in your relationship with Hashem I think the the person who has a desire to do something inappropriate and controls himself is closer than someone who doesn't need to overcome them.

 the beauty of judaism is that we are mainly credited for things we actually struggle to overcome and although this sounds basic, most people in society don't seem to understand this

ih987654321 wrote on 19 Oct 2023 04:50:

I don't know what 'closer' means, but I disagree.

foolie wrote on 18 Oct 2023 23:43:

We've chatted on the phone for some time.
There are about 43 people who post on the forum; how many do you expect to be open about any of their fetishes/desires, let alone the piercin's and tatooin'?
If it helps you, like I told you when we spoke, I have fetishes that most here don't have. I have publicly stated them as well. Sadly, I have not engaged in any in the recent past, but that doesn't mean that they're not on my mind - at times. 
It's tough out there and in here.
Godspeed to all!

foolie wrote on 18 Oct 2023 20:35:

Powerful. Raw. Honest. Although I cannot relate to your desire for getting pierced or the pleasure you receive from it I can very much relate to your answer from question 5. Perhaps the abuse was not the same but the feeling of class torment is truly painful. Perhaps we just came to different solutions for the same problem. I wish you much hatzlacha on your journey and I hope you keep coming back.

cordnoy wrote on 19 Oct 2023 13:31:

To put it bluntly Everyone 

foolie wrote on 19 Oct 2023 14:39:

You probably will be disappointed then. 

cordnoy wrote on 19 Oct 2023 16:53:

i have/had many friends with piercings and tattoos.  I have had many fetishes and have been exposed to many more.  i specifically don't publicly discuss the things i was into because it is not helpful for me, it may be a trigger to others and it risks exposing many to things that they don't know exist.  That said, i emphasize with your struggle.  If you are looking for acceptance - i and many here will accept you 100% as you are today without any changes whatsoever.  If you are looking for growth, i and many here will do whatever we can to help you grow.  

Please continue to stay engaged.

best wishes
vehkam

I have found that privately, many people are open about their personal details - including fetishes and (what society considers) atypical urges. However most of them are wary when it comes to posting on a public forum that one day may be somehow uncovered to be connected to them.  Although i have posted a lot about my own journey, many of you have heard the darker parts of my struggle in private conversation.  As far as acceptance, i think most guys who post often on GYE make it abundantly clear in their various articles that they have vast reserves of empathy and non-judgmental acceptance.  

ih987654321 wrote on 19 Oct 2023 04:50:

i don't want to hijack the thread with my response.  please see my response today to this particular post in my personal thread - link is in my signature below. 

Foolie, I consider you one of my inspirations on this forum. The anguish you describe is crushing my soul right now. I have nothing helpful to offer unfortunately as I can't relate to what you're describing. But I am happy to hear that you are in a far more stable place than you were back then.