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24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ?

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TOPIC: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 2805 Views

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 31 Dec 2009 23:24 #40754

kedusha
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help613 wrote on 31 Dec 2009 23:11:

regarding the marriage part...i think to myself often if i cant hold myself back now who says that in 5 years from now whilest on a business trip to hong kong in the hotel lobby late at night after a hard days work there is this really nice young woman sitting next to me...ve hamaivin yovin... but isnt it easyer once you know that a few days maybe weeks later youl come home and have a wife waiting for u...its just a countdown
rather now its just "BUM" whenever ....!!!! is this a fair argument ?

Chazal say that a married person has "Pas b'Salo." So, in that sense, it's easier. But, for we addicts, that's only true if we are in recovery from our addiction and avoid lust triggers. So, you would not want to sit next to that woman, or even look at her (if not really necessary).

Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'!

Last Edit: 31 Dec 2009 23:28 by Candy.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 31 Dec 2009 23:37 #40759

kollel guy
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Yes to be more elaborative (I don't know if that word exists), every person addict or not, must keep himself out of situations of trouble.
Yichud is just as relevant for the Gadol Hador as it is for a sick perv.
Yes, there are certain situations in which chazal were more lenient regarding the dangers of ones potential desires.
But "Pas b'salo" has very specific uses, in very specific cases, and is not in any way a green light to let all guards down.
And it is obvious that if one sees himself as capable of being in danger, he is forbidden to allow that situation to arise in the 1st place.

Last Edit: by chavie.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 01 Jan 2010 01:59 #40828

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	If I may say, I think it's more than that, too. As most of us here already know, connected to all of our issues are usually OTHER emotional issues, just as far as how emotionally healthy you are. And those issue will interfere with building a healthy family, and a healthy relationship with your wife.
	Last Edit: by gleefulwolf31.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 01 Jan 2010 07:35 #40922

imtrying25
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silentbattle wrote on 01 Jan 2010 01:59:

If I may say, I think it's more than that, too.

As most of us here already know, connected to all of our issues are usually OTHER emotional issues, just as far as how emotionally healthy you are. And those issue will interfere with building a healthy family, and a healthy relationship with your wife.

I think SB ive gotta reprot to moderator for now on, on your posts. THEY MAKE WAY TOO MUCH SENSE!! Im getting headaches from reading all your sensible posts. Oh well i guess we need some sense here on the forum. :-\

Last Edit: by livelyviper94.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 01 Jan 2010 10:06 #40940

jerusalemsexaddict	feel free to email me or pm me and we can exchange numbers if ud like. i would like to speak with you. a gut shabbos -uri
	Last Edit: by progressivelynx81.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 01 Jan 2010 11:44 #40958

habaletaher
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help613 wrote on 31 Dec 2009 23:11:

Let me tell you this much, I've been in almost exactly the situation you described mamesh... and I'm a happily married man, and it was still a huge huge struggle, not any easier just because I was married. Marriage is not what's gonna keep you clean, you are what's gonna keep you clean and you need to develop the "you" before you try to become a we!

Last Edit: by healingmongoose57.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 01 Jan 2010 12:22 #40965

the.guard Current streak: 805 days OFFLINE Moderator Posts: 6438 Karma: 138	You will learn a whole new way of thinking in SA and with a good therapist like Rav Shlachter... You have a lot to learn. Open your heart and your mind and stick with us. You will go far.
	Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest. Last Edit: by merrymongoose36.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 01 Jan 2010 12:27 #40966

imtrying25 Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3010 Karma: 2	help613. We are all here for you. Lets take one step at a time. First things first. Then well move from there. Have a great shabbos.
	Last Edit: by journeytofreedom.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 01 Jan 2010 12:30 #40967

kollel guy
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The teshuvah issue has been quite a topic of discussion, on quite a few threads.
It seems that there are two basic opinions here.
1)The whole process of recovery should be done in a spirit of teshuvah, one should realize that he has free will at all times, and each fall was a lack of yiras shomayim which he needs to correct, his addiction will ultimately only be cured with true sincere teshuvah. He needs to constantly make sure to learn things which have divrei hisorerus to give him koach for his struggle, and remove those things from his life which cause his yiras shomayim level to drop.
This doesn't mean that he's not an addict. Quite the opposite. He is very much an addict and is sick, and needs a real organized system of recovery. It's just that his system will be a very structured way of ensuring that he keeps all gedorim, and keeps his teshuvah mindset with him at all times, and should INCLUDE the 12 steps - as a mehalech to properly do teshuvah.
2)Leave teshuvah out of this, right now you should only be concerned with getting yourself to the point where azivas hachet is a possibility, and when you are cured of your desease, and can think straight, THEN you do the teshuvah part.

Thunderstorms on the forecast.....

Last Edit: by yfrenkel.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 01 Jan 2010 13:13 #40975

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	Most sincere apologies, IT25 :D :D ;D ;D- but don't worry, I'm just saving up for all the times when I don't make any sense at all!
	Last Edit: by merrybison21.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 02 Jan 2010 17:04 #41050

imtrying25 Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3010 Karma: 2	silentbattle wrote on 01 Jan 2010 13:13: Most sincere apologies, IT25 :D :D ;D ;D- but don't worry, I'm just saving up for all the times when I don't make any sense at all! As a good friend of mine would say....................................TOUCHE! :D
	Last Edit: by Achiever.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 04 Jan 2010 19:02 #41922

kedusha Current streak: 717 days OFFLINE Administrator Posts: 3167 Karma: 46	I moved the discussion about full time learning to this link, and renamed it "Hatzlacha in Full Time Learning." rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1480.msg41330#msg41330
	Just as an alcoholic needs to avoid that first sip, a lust addict needs to avoid that first slip.Slip today? No way! ;)Fall today? No way, Jose'! Last Edit: by energeticunicorn86.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 05 Jan 2010 17:23 #42383

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	hey, Reb Help613 - how's everything going?
	Last Edit: by freelemur78.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 05 Jan 2010 20:40 #42476

imtrying25 Current streak: 16 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3010 Karma: 2	Yes rebbi we havent heard from you in awhile. How you be??
	Last Edit: by yeshbora1.

Re: 24 year old bochur. Is it only me? What is the way out ? How do i make teshuva ? 06 Jan 2010 02:02 #42593

silentbattle Current streak: 1628 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 3734 Karma: 15	Glad to hear that you're OK, bro! Anytime you want to talk - about anything going on in your life - we're here for you.
	Last Edit: by brightelephant19.