Hey all, its been a few weeks. Im currently in yeshiva and i have a masturbation problem. Bh i dont have acess to porn so i usually masturbate to my immagination. I recently went 12 days w.o masturbating which was a huge accomplishment considering ive never gone more than a few days. The problem was my mind and thoughts were still thinking abt things i wanted to masturbate to. These thoughts didnt really happen wen i was busy or in seder , more bein hasedrim and at night) though I felt like i gained in the self control area but mythoughts were still in the wrong place. I felt like the shmutz was still part of my life Ive decided to give it another go and im making myself a two week goal of no masturbating. Even if i didnt feel like a "holier" person bec my mind was still in the wrong place , but if i have the ability to stop then its the right thing to stop. Hopefully im doing my part and haba litaher misayen oso. Though is it shayich to control my thoughts and wild imagination? How can i do so?  Also bec of the matziv that im in (for other good reasons i neef to b in this matziv), i do come into contact w people that im attracted to thus that also contributes to  the impure thoughts. If the oilam has any tips or qs or chizuk plz write..
Thank u

hihello123 wrote on 04 Sep 2023 18:34:

Pushing fantasies out of your mind won't work because it perpetuates the pink elephant problem. In other words, when you tell yourself not to think about pink elephants, you'll find that you only think about pink elephants! Research demonstrates that trying hard to suppress specific thoughts means that they're more likely to dominate your thinking.

So what can you do? The best way to deal with such thoughts and fantasies is to try to ignore them, tend to more important matters, or shift your focus to something else. This idea is known as hesech hadaas in Hebrew.

Defuse – Accept that you're having these thoughts. The ACT technique of unhooking the thought by saying to yourself, "Okay, I'm having these thoughts. They'll soon go away on their own; I don't need to push them out of my head". Then shift your focus to whatever you need to attend to in the present moment.
Focused distraction - Redirect your attention to a specific object or activity. As it's difficult for the mind to think about more than one thing at a time, thinking about something different will immediately pull your mind away from sexual thoughts and fantasies.
Whenever you apply hesech hadaas, you accomplish the great Mitzvah. Remind yourself that rather than getting upset about the thought, you can celebrate it as an opportunity to do a mitzvah!