This thread is for tips and discussions on the subject of living life without escapism.
How do I not lust when I hit a roadblock?
How am I expected not to turn to YouTube (for entertainment purposes) when I'm bored?
How do I live without playing Minecraft, Simcity, Etc.?
How do I deal with life's challenges without escaping into the void?

[Note: Escapism, for the purpose of this thread, refers to the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant or mundane aspects of daily life.
Lusting definitely qualifies.
Watching TV, Movies, YouTube for entertainment definitely qualifies.
Playing Video Games or Games on your phone qualifies.
For the purpose of this thread, healthy hobbies in moderation (i.e. taking a walk) will not count as escapism.
Sleeping when you are tired will not count as escapism.]

Awesome topic. 
For me, one key point is to find small positive and productive things I love, that I am good at. So that doing them are easy for me, and fulfilling. 
The things that are more difficult don't work when I am in pain/difficulty and looking for escape.

Here are a couple of things that work for me. These arent the big fulfilling things in my life. They are the small escape-fillers. 

1. Writing down Divrei Torah that I have already said and formulated. Writing is productive and enjoyable for me. And this is the easy one. 
2. Returning calls [that I know won't be taxing but] that will provide me an opportunity to help others.
3. Taking a walk with my wife.

Time.
I was a complete passive entertainment addict for years. Spent any available moment on the computer doing nothing even remotely interesting. Didn't hang out with friends, or even learn to drive, nothing.
I  didint think it would be possible for me to go even a day without long periods of computer or other equally vapid distraction. SHabbos and Yom Tov were hard enough. Nothing else could hold my interest. And during lust, frustration, etc, forget it.

After the whole painful and boring withdrawal period, you eventually gain an interest in other things, and they can even work in the situations you describe. Right now it feels like nothing short of one addiction or the other can relieve your mind, but that does change. 

Also, sleep. 

Daydreaming worked for me to, but that's just another version of the same addiction.

Suppressing or distracting ourselves from negative feelings doesn’t help us move through them, it can actually make them stronger.
One of the keys for real change is called "acceptance". It’s the cornerstone of change. Before you can change something, you must see and accept it for what it is. It’s the necessary precursor to understanding, planning, and taking action towards our desired impact.

To heal, we must feel and validate the weight of our experience, so we can come to terms and begin moving forward mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Acceptance isn’t about avoiding growth or resigning ourselves to the thought that things won’t change. On the contrary, it allows us to see and accept what is, so we can take appropriate and effective actions to meet reality where it is and carve our path forward from there.

DavidT wrote on 11 Aug 2023 15:38:

Is this similar to the approach of

1. imagining the worst possible outcome,
2. making peace with it,
3. and working to improve on that outcome...

found in the book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living"?

(I think "escape" needs to be defined; otherwise, we'll be escaping the escapism.)

IMO, the only way to live without escaping is by becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable.
It is being okay with boredom, emptiness, fear, and all other glorious sh*t that reside in us.

connected wrote on 11 Aug 2023 16:45:


So if you're tired, do you sleep, or do you get comfortable with being tired?

Shteeble wrote on 11 Aug 2023 17:08:

Hence the need to define "escape."

I think DavidT is referring to acknowledging our failures, accepting our shortcomings, validating our emotions, thinking about the good qualities within our personality and about our successes, devising a plan for the future and moving on. When we escape our failures instead of acknowledging them we are falling deeper into the mud.

connected wrote on 11 Aug 2023 17:15:

Escapism, for the purpose of this thread, refers to the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant or mundane aspects of daily life.
Lusting definitely qualifies.
Watching TV, Movies, YouTube for entertainment definitely qualifies.
Playing Video Games or Games on your phone qualifies.
For the purpose of this thread, healthy hobbies in moderation (i.e. taking a walk) will not count as escapism.
Sleeping when you are tired will not count as escapism.

Shteeble wrote on 11 Aug 2023 17:41:

So I guess this thread is about healthy practical ways of dealing with negative emotions instead of taking the bait and escaping into negative behavior.

There are strategies for when negative emotions are intense and a person feels desperate for an immediate solution, short-term strategies that can be used when a person recognizes and labels a negative emotion that will eventually lead to negative behavior, even if only after a few hours or days, and long term strategies that resolve negative emotions from surfacing. The third category, often but not always, includes psychology which isn't meant to be discussed on the forum. Which ones of the three strategies are you referring to in this thread?

There are also general strategies that work for every negative emotion and strategies that are specific to certain negative emotions. I think someone reading a post should evaluate whether the post works for the negative emotion he is experiencing. 

yitzchokm wrote on 11 Aug 2023 18:53:

All.

DavidT wrote on 11 Aug 2023 15:38:

I think that there is an important distinction between using escapism to avoid doing work that needs to be done to heal one’s emotional pain and deal with emotional spiritual and psychological challenges and difficult experiences, and the simple desire to escape boredom and the annoying vagaries of life. 

Escapism to avoid dealing with internal work that needs to be done stands in the way of healing and recovery. Escape in the latter case isn’t necessary as harmful. But it frequently leads to falling , as has been commented about so much in these forums. 
And it leads to a lifestyle where a person is passive and full of avoidance, which is unhealthy, in many ways. 

I understood, maybe mistakenly, that Shteeble was asking for tools that can be used to avoid going for mind-numbing escapes from boredom and annoying roadblocks in life. 

From the Handbook:
Shteeble wrote on 17 Jun 2011 04:46: