Hey everyone. It's been a while since I posted on the forum; thought I'd share where I'm at right now.

I've been clean for 3 weeks, B"H, and feel extremely (hopefully not overly) confident that it will only get better. So much is going right, B"H. (The following is not written to brag חס ושלום, rather to share just how great the benefits of שמירת עינים are). I've not only resisted the temptation to fall countless times (with plenty of opportunities, unfortunately), but seem to be improving in so many areas related to שמירת עינים & רוחניות. I'm learning with increased frequency and for longer hours. My focus in Davening has improved. I'm spending less time on devices. On a recent flight to ארץ ישראל, I didn't watch a single movie. 

I believe this terrific and sudden 180-degree turnaround can be attributed to two factors: 1) realizing what needed to be done, and finally getting serious about what measures, restrictions and גדרים needed to be put in place-and I'm certainly not perfect in that regard yet, but I'm getting better by the day. 2) I've begun to write a book about my journey. Suffice it to say that I feel quite strongly that the majority of כלל ישראל is not aware of just how dangerous the Internet is, especially when unfiltered, and that it would benefit many if they realized just how unavoidable and accessible this filth and debauchery is. The book itself is in its (very) early stages, but is proving to be enormously therapeutic, in addition to serving as motivation by being a reminder of how far I've come. 

Furthermore, I've recently discovered the amazing project "וימאן", which helps and motivates 35,000+ subscribers at this point בלי עין הרע to increase their everyday focus on שמירת עינים, with fantastic 2-3 minute videos distributed daily via email or WhatsApp. I cannot recommend this enough for EVERYONE, regardless of where you're holding in your fight. It's an absolutely amazing resource-the website and sign-up link is Vayimaen.org (just an incredible organization).

I'll leave with one thought (which I referenced earlier): one of the things that has helped in my turnaround is to stop making excuses. Recognize the difference between what is necessary and what is convenient-because in regard to technology, it's almost always the latter. For me, this meant recognizing the pitfalls of "regular" movies, "partially filtered" devices, and Twitter. But it takes different forms for everyone. Don't convince yourself that "it's just a movie" when you know it will contain scenes or images that are inappropriate at best and completely אסור at worst. Don't convince yourself that you need Instagram or TikTok "because everyone else does" when you're well aware that it will lead to seeing things you shouldn't. Don't convince yourself that "I need Netflix to entertain the kids" when you wind up using it yourself to binge the latest shows. I'm not saying that you'll be able to give these things up overnight-I certainly wasn't able to stop watching movies with a snap of my fingers, and I doubt I'm at the level yet where I'll never watch one again-but recognize the issue. Don't make excuses. Work on it a little bit at a time. The dividends it pays in the long run are amazing.

I hope to deliver updates, notes and thoughts periodically. In the meantime, wishing everyone an easy and meaningful fast. May the eyes we are setting on קדושה וטהרה be זוכה to see בשובך לציון ברחמים!

Keep fighting, stay strong,
FighterWithFire

Just checking in. B"H, 27 days clean, and still going strong. Vayimaen has been a lifesaver, especially during the summer. The Chizuk and Eitzos they provide are phenomenal, and the feeling of being able to say no and look away is pleasure lasting beyond anything you'll "get" from looking or staring at immodesty. Again, cannot recommend this incredible resource enough (Vayimaen.org).
Hard to believe it, but the Zman starts in just over two weeks. Looking forward to getting back into the Beis Medrash full-time.
In the meantime, B"H doing very well, and hope everybody else is too. 
All the best,
FighterWithFire

A Gutte Voch.

Just had my worst fall in a very long time. Gave it a "10" on the GYE "How bad was the fall?" question, won't give details out of fear of triggering others. This comes after a very stressful and busy week, but I felt relatively fine up until a few hours ago. Then it seems the wave just came crashing down, and I drowned. 

In an attempt to cheer myself up, some good news: I managed to convince my father (without giving away the situation) that seeing as how the filter on this Chromebook is ineffective, a new computer is necessary, and he B"H agreed. Unfortunately, he hasn't ordered it yet, hence why I'm still using this one. Will remind him tomorrow, and hopefully it will close the book (get it? Because it's a ChromeBOOK? Sorry, sorry) on this issue.

I've gotten better at recovering after a fall, B"H, and this is a good time to remind myself that this past year has been the best of my life.  I owe so much to the Ribono Shel Olam, and look forward to making him proud every single day for the rest of my life.

In the past 5 years, I've gone from falling almost daily to weekly to a couple of times a month to monthly to barely ever falling at all. I've made more progress than I ever thought possible, and still have room for improvement (obviously). BE"H, I'll get there with increased effort, strategizing, awareness and growth. I won't let one fall-even one as bad as this-derail me, deject me, or set me back. I'll climb even higher and grow even more. I'll beat this monster for good-for my sake, for my future Eishes Chayil's sake (I should be Zoche to find her soon!), for His sake. 

שויתי ד' לנגדי תמיד

Hope everyone has a wonderful week. Elul is around the corner!

Hatzlacha,

Fighter With Fire