I have been clean for over 100 days but its been for the wrong reasons. I feel like they will soon wear off so I am trying to gain a more healthy approach and use my clean streak as a tool to break free for real. The trouble I am having is that I have difficulty with any motivation tools for staying clean. After all, i am clean for quite a while and nothing in my life changed much. Any thoughts?

Try the flight2freedom program, there you will learn some tools, plus, what should be the reason for motivation to staying clean.
Its never too late.

I think the question that needs to be asked at this juncture is what are the reasons you are doing it for and why do you feel they are wrong?

I am and that is what made me realize my reasons are wrong. 

Hey, my motivation was that I stopped when I had a series of financial disasters ending with a flood that destroyed my house and has me cramped in a tiny apartment. I assumed that it was because Hashem was punishing me for this and who knows what happens when the next shoe drops CH"V. This is already starting to fade... Don't think this kind of negative reinforcement is permanent. Also see my introduction to the group piece, not really helpful for that too. Let me know what you think?  

I think if that was the message you took from your house being flooded and then being cramped into a tiny apartment that was the message you were supposed to get. Think about it this way it brought you here, to find help on your journey to change, is that motivation going to get you all the way to the end of the line, no it never was, However now that you are here and working the program you can see that your initial motivation was a jump off point, the f2f program should be the next part of the journey, showing you how to use your parachute and then the next step will be to get untangled from the parachute, where I’m going with this metaphor is don’t invalidate what you have accomplished to this point by saying that you should already have been on the ground off and running, work through the process step one was learning a lesson, step two is building on that and that is what you should be seeing

bright wrote on 31 May 2023 19:20:

You asked me in chat to comment....

Welcome.

Sorry to hear about all your issues; know that you amongst friends.

1. What is your history please?
2. Don't overthink - clean is clean.
3. "After all, i am clean for quite a while and nothing in my life changed much." What did you expect to happen? Win the lottery? Your in-laws will decide to buy you a mansion? It doesn't work that way in the real world.
4. Godspeed - you'll be all right.

You are 1000% right! Just having difficulty coming up with positive motivation after, negative motivation until now. Much of the f2f is based on current users of P and M, who are able to look and see what P & M is doing to them. I have been off a while so the YH makes me forget... And I cant go back to my original reasons because they weren't the right ones. I cant look back at my sheet and say "you yourself wrote that this is killing you". That is were my struggle is

103 days clean. Didn't think I would win the lottery, but did think I would have a better overall life better relationship with Hashem, better Davening and Learning. Better marriage. That did not happen.

To parrot Cordnoy clean is clean what your motivation was 100 days ago isn’t your motivation today and your motivation today will most likely be different six months from now, don’t get hung up on your motivations be thankful that for today your motivation is working for you whatever it is 

bright wrote on 31 May 2023 20:12:

Those things don’t happen magically either and if you take a long hard look you’ll probably find a small change that has occurred in the last 100 days 

You are right about that. Guess have to be motivated for the small stuff...

Baby steps my friend it’s the only way 

bright wrote on 31 May 2023 20:12:

Thanks for that response.

There's a sayin' that goes somethin' like this: nothin' changes until it does.