I don't mean to disenchant
and I am not a sycophant 
But there is nothing to supplant 
The unrivaled Rants of Grant. 

“Please sir, I want some more?”

I see so much of the following, and used to subscribe to it as well.

B"H through nissim!!! I never watched porn but I struggle with...

Chasdei Hashem!! Porn disgusts me but...

Through the overwhelming mercy of the one and only righteous and divine holy G-d I never saw hardcore, BDSM porn films. I drew the line there.

Yes, it's definitely better to have not watched these things, but these so called "lines" & "levels" have no implications whatsoever, on your level of lusting/ problem you must deal with.

One can "only" masturbate and be worse off (and his wife can be worse off too) than the guy who does it with his favorite star.

One can "only" fantasize about the cashier in his local supermarket and be worse off and mired deeper than his buddy who has a porn session every lunch break in the bathroom at work.

All these are just ways lust manifests itself. But the lust issue? That's deep inside the person. Whatever is causing us to run away; whatever is causing us to numb the pain/fears/memories/abuse/ anxieties/anger/hurt/confusion...is the issue.

We need to forget the labels, levels, lines and categories. We just need to get to work on the root of the issue.

Deep within us.

Lust. (And whatever is driving it.)

As always - great post, R' Grant!

I would just add that I believe that there are fellows whose lust is very much alive and rampant, yet somehow "white knuckle and hang in there" each and every day. And while we sometimes assume that it gets easier for them, I'm fairly confident that there are members of Klal Yisrael who display ridiculous heroism on a daily basis.

Ela Mai? You're tayning that they should seek help to address their underlying issue? But who says that that is their personal road to healing? Perhaps their avoda is to sweat and suffer!

​Once again, I do not disagree with you; but simply attempting to represent a population who fall prey to sights they see...suffer terribly...yet emerge (what I believe to be considered) victorious.

not takin' anything for granted from Grodno ~ img

Grant400 wrote on 26 Jan 2024 02:59:

Powerful. I’d take the parenthesis off.

I must numb these feelings of success and accomplishment!

- said no one ever.

Be honest with yourself.

Ask yourself what would make you feel (more) accomplished? What would fill that void? That yawning chasm deep within?

Figure out what you deem a success, and...do it!

Push yourself beyond your limits, & find that feeling of satisfaction.

It's priceless. It's healing. It's life.

Ish MiGrodno wrote on 26 Jan 2024 19:54:

You say that it doesn't get easier for them but working on the underlying issues to eliminate the lust isn't their 'road to healing'. Their avoida is to 'sweat and suffer'. Does that mean that the ultimate goal for any road to healing is only to stop acting out? Does the 'person' behind the problematic behaviours mean nothing at all? Would you say that a person who lives with constant lust but consistently overcomes it has achieved the same level of shleimus as someone who has overcome the lust itself? I would say obviously not, but even if you argue, why should a person subject himself to a lifetime of suffering when he can avoid it? No one would suggest a physically ill person shouldn't try to recover just because his illness isn't life threatening, so why is this suffering different? The whole idea that a person's avoida is to sweat and suffer for the sake of it sounds absurd to me.

Tanya chapter 27:

וְלָכֵן, אַל יִפּוֹל לֵב אָדָם עָלָיו, וְלֹא יֵרַע לְבָבוֹ מְאֹד,

גַּם אִם יִהְיֶה כֵּן כָּל יָמָיו בְּמִלְחָמָה זוֹ,

כִּי אוּלַי לְכָךְ נִבְרָא, וְזֹאת עֲבוֹדָתוֹ לְאַכֽפָּיָא לְסִטְרָא אָחֳרָא תָּמִיד.

וְעַל זֶה אָמַר אִיּוֹב: "בָּרָאתָ רְשָׁעִים";

וְלֹא שֶׁיִּהְיוּ רְשָׁעִים בֶּאֱמֶת חַס וְשָׁלוֹם,

אֶלָּא שֶׁיַּגִּיעַ אֲלֵיהֶם כְּמַעֲשֵׂה הָרְשָׁעִים בְּמַחֲשַׁבְתָּם וְהִרְהוּרָם לְבַד,

וְהֵם יִהְיוּ נִלְחָמִים תָּמִיד לְהַסִּיחַ דַּעְתָּם מֵהֶם, כְּדֵי לְאַכֽפַּיָא לְסִטְרָא אָחֳרָא,

וְלֹא יוּכְלוּ לְבַטְּלָהּ מִכֹּל וָכֹל, כִּי זֶה נַעֲשֶׂה עַל יְדֵי צַדִּיקִים.

וּשְׁנֵי מִינֵי נַחַת רוּחַ לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרֵךְ לְמַעְלָה:

אֶחָד – מִבִּיטּוּל הַסִּטְרָא אָחֳרָא לְגַמְרֵי, וְאִתְהַפְּכָא מִמְּרִירוּ לְמִתְקָא וּמֵחֲשׁוֹכָא לִנְהוֹרָא, עַל יְדֵי הַצַּדִּיקִים.

וְהַשֵּׁנִית – כַּד אִתְכַּפְיָא הַסִּטְרָא אָחֳרָא בְּעוֹדָהּ בְּתָקְפָּהּ וּגְבוּרָתָהּ וּמַגְבִּיהַּ עַצְמָהּ כַּנֶּשֶׁר,

וּמִשָּׁם מוֹרִידָהּ ה' בְּאִתְעָרוּתָא דִלְתַתָּא עַל יְדֵי הַבֵּינוֹנִים.

וְזֶהוּ שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב: "וַעֲשֵׂה לִי מַטְעַמִּים כַּאֲשֶׁר אָהַבְתִּי" –

"מַטְעַמִּים" לְשׁוֹן רַבִּים; שְׁנֵי מִינֵי נַחַת רוּחַ,

וְהוּא מַאֲמַר הַשְּׁכִינָה לְבָנֶיהָ – כְּלָלוּת יִשְׂרָאֵל כִּדְפֵירְשׁוּ בַּתִּיקּוּנִים,

וּכְמוֹ שֶׁבְּמַטְעַמִּים גַּשְׁמִיִּים, דֶּרֶךְ מָשָׁל, יֵשׁ שְׁנֵי מִינֵי מַעֲדַנִּים:

אֶחָד, מִמַּאֲכָלִים עֲרֵבִים וּמְתוּקִים, וְהַשֵּׁנִי, מִדְּבָרִים חֲרִיפִים אוֹ חֲמוּצִים,

רַק שֶׁהֵם מְתוּבָּלִים וּמְתוּקָּנִים הֵיטֵב עַד שֶׁנַּעֲשׂוּ מַעֲדַנִּים לְהָשִׁיב הַנֶּפֶשׁ.

וְזֶהוּ שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב: "כֹּל פָּעַל ה' לַמַּעֲנֵהוּ, וְגַם רָשָׁע לְיוֹם רָעָה";

פֵּירוּשׁ, שֶׁיָּשׁוּב מֵרִשְׁעוֹ וְיַעֲשֶׂה הָרָע שֶׁלּוֹ יוֹם וְאוֹר לְמַעְלָה,

כַּד אִתְכַּפְיָא סִטְרָא אָחֳרָא וְאִסְתַּלֵּק יְקָרָא דְקוּדְשָׁא־בְּרִיךְ־הוּא לְעֵילָא.

He writes, "ולא יוכלו לבטלה מכל וכל" which seems to imply that partial success in eliminating challenges is possible for everyone.

Wow, two awesome responses!

R' ​iwillmanage is 100% correct and I should clarify that I was referring to their CURRENT avodah...but of course the ultimate goal is to address "the person behind the problematic behaviours"  (absolutely lovin' the British spelling!)

And R' yitzchokm - that Tanya quote is life changing!

Havin' a hard day taavah-wise....but you guys give me such chizuk.

tiny fellow in Grodno ~ img

Oh, the places you’ll go
Oh, the places you'll see
When you rant without Grant
Life is hard as can be

When you rant without Grant
Your gripes are messed up
When you rant without Grant
Life’s a cholent tup

Cuz ranting and Granting
Or huffing and panting
Is all simply nonsense
If done in General Grants absence

Can you rant without Grant, in a cave?
Can you rant without Grant, as a slave?

Can I rant without Grant
While six feet under?
Can I rant without Grant
Near the fearsome three-headed Zoobler, a frightening wonder?

Can you rant without Grant,
With a fox?
Can you rant without Grant,
While stuffed in a pushke of lox?

Should I rant without Grant on a train?
Should I rant without Grant in the rain?

No, I do not like to rant without Grant,
I will not, cannot, Grantypant!

youknowwho wrote on 19 Mar 2024 18:09:

Oh, the places you’ll goOh, the things you'll readWhile browsing G.Y.E.

I'll put this here cuz I think it sounds pretty ranty, even though it's hard to Rant without Grant;)

It's okay to use any given tool so as not to fall even once. 

"You're a fraud for reaching out to a friend to share that you're struggling, because you didn't do that last week, or the week before, or the week before that..."

Counterproductive.

Success is measured in a vacuum.