I am really struggling to understand how masturbation, which in my experience (and many many many others seemingly from this forum), is absolutely irresistible at all stages of life, can be so seriously frowned on my halacha?
More than that, it seems to be a completely normal and healthy part of life, particularly as a boy is growing up and hitting puberty.
So how can it be so ossur? Does anyone in the world actually not do this?

guardmyeyes1606 wrote on 10 Jan 2023 19:22:

Great question!
My question to you is: Why are you here looking for ways how to stop. Is it only due to being prohibited? 

guardmyeyes1606 wrote on 10 Jan 2023 19:22:

Great question!
The fact is that this seemingly harmless behavior can cross the line into a compulsive activity that is anything but benign. Some become so dependent on the behavior that they lose hours and hours of their day, unable to leave the house. Others masturbate to the point of injuring themselves.

Masturbation can lead a person to become isolated, or end up spending all their time and money on porn to further fuel their compulsive behavior. Still others become addicted to the point where they find themselves unable to control the urge to masturbate in public or otherwise inappropriate places. This is addiction, and it can have just as grave, debilitating consequences as drugs or alcohol.

The struggle with purity, that every adolescent undergoes, is the fertile soil from which his true self is given a chance to shine. When a young man finally does discover that this is a sin, and particularly when he begins to understand the immense power behind sexuality and how it is able to bring forth life itself when channeled properly, Hashem wants that he should begin to feel a healthy sense of guilt which drives him to try and stop these behaviors. In the process of trying to stop, he begins to learn what he is really made of. This battle is what separates the men from the boys. It is precisely during the adolescent years when a person's maturity and soul begin to mature that these struggles play such a crucial role in one's spiritual progress.

If Hashem and Chazal had not written in such strong terms about the seriousness of this sin, it is doubtful anyone would bother even trying to stop. It is a powerful pleasure and so very addictive, that without a serious incentive to stop who would even try? I'd also like to point out that Chazal have used even stronger words when discussing the issur of Lashon Hara and of turning one's eyes away from a poor man, comparing these sins to the three cardinal sins of murder, idolatry, and illicit relations! Yet, we rarely hear people ask, "Why does Hashem cause so many people to speak Lashon Hara and/or turn away from poor people and yet consider this a grave sin?" For some reason, when it comes to this particular sin of purity, many people question the seriousness and/or the appropriateness of the strong terminologies used by Chazal. I believe it is because we tend to feel more guilty and "dirty" with these sins. But Hashem is infinitely loving and patient with us. He knew that most of us would stumble in this area, and He is waiting for us to use the struggle as a springboard for growth. It is ok to have dirty laundry--we all do--as long as we make sure to keep doing our washes and never give up. But if the sin wouldn't be spoken about in strong terms, very few would even take on the battle.

By forcing us to learn self-control and to channel our animalistic desires properly, we are given the opportunity to build up our character and our souls.

tractatek wrote on 10 Jan 2023 20:03:

guardmyeyes1606 wrote on 10 Jan 2023 19:22:

Hi. I had this thought cross through my head so many times over approximately the 5 year period from when I first learned that masturbation is prohibited by halacha to when I finally had success on quitting nearly 500 days ago, Baruch Hashem.

The short answer is that in the midst of addiction to lust, which is what leads most people to be unable to live without masturbating, it is nearly impossible to imagine how you can live without masturbating. I know this because I clearly remember thinking to myself that I would never be able to live without masturbating back when I was in the midst of addiction. Your question makes a lot of sense from where you are.

If you:
1. Do not look at any sexually stimulating imagery, no matter what.
2. Move your mind on from sexually stimulating fantasies to other thoughts and activities.
3. Are willing to suffer the physical pains of withdrawal,

you will be able to stop masturbating. The reason people masturbate is because they lust and fantasize. If you get to the point where you recognize this, and then abandon all activities that lead to further fantasizing, you will stop masturbating. I never once masturbated without fantasizing. Ever. If you move on from fantasy and lust, you won't masturbate.

Reflect on this over and over: If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate. If you do not fantasize --> you will not masturbate.

That's the answer to your question. What holds people back is that they aren't honest with themselves about this and they aren't willing to endure the pain of withdrawal. It's really that simple. The hard work is doing it. And trust me, it's hard to abandon fantasy. But oh is it worth it to not be a slave to taivos! I am finally a free man. I have never felt better in my whole life. NOTHING beats the joy of being in control of your desires, once you experience that joy.

Wow. clear and to the point!
the question was worth it just to read this response!

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 10 Jan 2023 20:44:

Reb numbers and letters, your response is beautiful, and your accomplishments are simply amazing! It is so inspiring to read somebody who was there write "But oh is it worth it to not be a slave to taivos! I am finally a free man. I have never felt better in my whole life. NOTHING beats the joy of being in control of your desires, once you experience that joy." Amazing. Keep on trucking and inspiring us all!

guardmyeyes1606 wrote on 10 Jan 2023 19:22:

My apologies, but I don't understand your question. Is it an Emuna question?  or a halacha question? or a practical question if its healthy or not?

5Uu80*cdwB#^ wrote on 10 Jan 2023 20:44:

NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE WHAT UR SAYING, RELATABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Human being wrote on 11 Jan 2023 19:58:

It seems like you are coming from the normality of the worldly society, that people may look at this as a normal humanly thing to do and would be okay - the goyisha cook, and before continueing there's 2 types I would split it up when you say Masterbation which can be because of either
1.watching pornagraphy or seeing sites videos etc.. that shouldnt have been seen where only then one fanitizing....
2. fanitizing by seeing people on the streets that may come in one's head and think on it later and....
So really although mayber the release from a secular view may seem healthy and etc. However even by some of the regular worldly look where they also think it's not okay etc..
So now I can say that although there is a humanly desire and a drive to have this feeling, but usually you'd have to think of someone or so to masterbate which just to say it straight out I think all would think that's mest up, just thinking of the fear one wants to keep it private and for noone to know, I don't just think he wants to not tell anyone, it's a strong fearful feeling to tell someone he did such act the very first time. But to do such actions where Hashem gave us the ability to choose and decide which way to lead, and from just observing the outcomes, look at the happiness of families from the ones that have kept this and the ones that don't. I would say that more likely of the time is that the ones that kept it have been more well to do with their appreciation and relationships with their spouses and children, si be the midot etc.. 

If you have can please ask more detailed as to which direction you were asking, it can be all directions, just seems very way spread out to answer it all at once, hatzlacha

I think about this every day and I really struggle especially because I am currently single and cannot find a shidduch. Trying to quit masturbation feels impossible sometimes but I keep trying.

ManofFaith wrote on 24 Jan 2023 20:09:

You're a true 'Gibor'! 
The Gemara in Pesachim 113a says that Hashem makes a special announcement about three people every day. One of them is a bachelor who lives in a city and does not sin. He faces great nisoyonos and if he is successful, Hashem rewards him greatly. We hope you find a great shidduch very soon!!

Where can I find this in tzidkas hatzadick? which Ois?