Hi guys, 

So I'm in college full time and I hate the environment there but it's slowly starting to get to me. I see some of the orthodox jews there who don't have a problem with having full on casual conversations with Jewish girls but I do and as of right now I keep conversation with them to a minimum, to the point where I think some of them think I'm anti-social or am socially awkward. But I'm also slipping in this, today I spoke unnecessarily with a girl and I did the same thing a couple days ago but the conversation was much longer. I also tapped a girl on her shoulder to ask her for help today and I did it consciously but also sort of accidently meaning I knew it was assur and I did make the split second decision consciously. There was also a girl who was singing in a room that I was in not too long ago and I could've left without any consequences but I didn't leave as I should have even though I was thinking about how it's kol eisha the entire time. If you guys could I'm looking for some chizuk in this area and any knowledge that I need on these inyanim. 

Hi, I think you need to do some steps to save yourself from getting much worse. I just heard a story about how some one very frum came to the USA and opened a store which he closed on Shabbos. But with slow incremental steps, he lost his shmiras Shabbos.
if you want to stay kadosh, you got to make some serious moves!!
I think you may be able to chart out a plan by yourself, as you know yourself and the situation there best.

But BH that you are healthyYou should thank Hashem! But take steps to save yourself...

I hear the struggle, I also work on a university and it is one of the most difficult environments a jew can find himself in. I think it is perfectly alright for people to think you are anti-social/awkward . I think minimizing conversation is a good move, I generally do the same. A wise person told me once that when you're serving G-d and doing what's best for you, you might not always seem like the nicest person. Be polite and and courteous in your interactions, but there's no need to put yourself out there excessively in order to people please. You have a right to set boundaries and if people don't understand that or don't like you for it, that is just not your problem. I think it's also important to understand the danger of the slippery slope frank.lee mentioned. There are unfortunate stories of people who totally lose their way in this kind of environment, so it is definitely something to take seriously. With that being said, perhaps the best thing is not to overfocus on this and instead to focus on developing positive social circles. Going it alone is extremely difficult or impossible, but search out for the orthodox student groups on campus. There is very likely a campus chabad and also potentially other kiruv organizations like Meor doing work where you are. Get plugged in with them, connect with some solid chaverim, focus on your studies and don't hyper focus on this issue. Specifically, I would also focus on connecting with a campus rabbi who you can learn with and even spend Shabbos with. Learning and Shabbos are two essential aspects that will be your oasis from an environment that will otherwise drag you down.

Dear Yossi,
I hope all is well
I too am on a university campus. Not Touro. In a country where dressing provocatively is encouraged. We are currently leaving the winter months and welcoming the summer. Here, the girls in my class try to reveal as much as possible when possible. It is not easy, but I do my best not to look at any of them.
I know what you are going through and you are a champion for what you are already doing.
If I was in your case, not sure I would be able to be as careful.

Please it is so easy to slip.
Please be careful only to speak to a girl when you really need to
If you could work with a male then work or ask questions to them before going to the girls
I do my very best to work in an all male group if i can

Please be careful
EYES

ליוסף הצדיק wrote on 16 Sep 2022 00:50:

Do you have a Rebbi? Like someone who knows your real name and who you are?

YeshivaGuy wrote on 20 Sep 2022 02:16:

Yes baruch hashem. I haven't revealed this issue to him though because I just met him...