Hi all, wanted to poll for some advice, and perhaps people could even respond with an experience for they had.

for history: I’m ~21. been struggling with P & M for almost 10 years. During Covid it got pretty bad. Thank god over the past few years I’ve improved greatly. Porn is (almost) a nonissue, still working on the masturbation bit but I’ve found it relatively easy to keep my current streak of 6 days going and hope to continue.

I’ve been thinking recently that perhaps I should tell my parents at least some part of this. We have a good relationship. My mother pulled me aside the other day telling me to not worry about her and to talk to her about things (prompted by me sometimes deciding not to worry her about smaller things). 

Why I would tell them - I guess I sort of want them to know the “real me.” They also might want this raised as an issue to filter my siblings devices (I don’t know if any of my siblings have this issue). I can also ask them for help when I need it - ie perhaps ask them to help with a paid filter or something.

Yet, the other side is as follows: 1) I am really bad at akward situations and tend to avoid it. Which isn’t a reason I guess but rather just a factor why I haven’t done it. 2) I’m worried about them being upset with me for sometimes lying to their faces about this issue. And while I would like them to know the “real me” that is struggling with this issue, I’m concerned they’ll view me as all that and nothing else since it’s so surprising.

I know everyone’s situation is different, but if people could respond with their experiences or perhaps points I missed that I could put into the mental calculator, that would be great. Thanks.

Beitzah3 wrote on 15 Aug 2022 21:21:

The advice that I was Given when I had a similar question was to take a piece of paper and make four sections the top two sections should be the pros of telling and the cons of telling them

the bottom sections should be the pros of not telling them and the cons of not telling them

Often times you will find that this method makes it abundantly clear what you really want to do.  

If you have a good relationship with them and feel that by telling them it will help you and your sibling navigate these challenges, then I think you should talk to them.  Many ppl are not blessed to have a good and open relationship with their parents and the fact that you are even considering telling them already speaks volume. Hazlacha!

Speaking from firsthand experience of telling my mom, it's best to initiate this conversation with your dad and have him speak to your mom about it privately. It's not that she was angry at me, the feeling I got was more so a sense of pain coming from a responsibility that she failed to live up to, but it was a little awkward. 

In regards to your siblings, I would say that it's necessary to speak with your parents about this just based off this. You were obviously able to hide it from your parents and others, and I'm sure they would be able to do also. With unfiltered devices, I saw a study that stated that 96% of children on the internet come across adult content, so if they have unfiltered devices it's only a matter of time before they come across this no matter what type of environment they are in. So please do talk with your dad about this and try to do something about your sibling's devices through doing so. 

I did it and I feel so relieved thank you everyone!!

Beitzah3 wrote on 19 Aug 2022 02:18:

“What came first the Chicken or the Egg (beitza)”

It’s a matter of debate:-)

What we know is that the Egg spoke first!

Beitzah3 wrote on 19 Aug 2022 02:18:

That's great!  I'm so happy you have the type of relationship with your parent that you could open up to them about such sensitive topics. 

So nu? Where are we at now my friend?
You have already bh spared yourself much pain and misery by being open with your parents.