Hi, I'm pretty new to the oilam here. I'm in yeshiva full time and only come on here when I'm home for the extra chizuk. In the past I have struggled like most with hotza'as zera levatalah and internet use on a moderate level. B"h I found the courage at some point to get out of the hole I was in (with a lot of si'atah dishmaya). Things have been going great and I have a true simchas hachaim. Now the yetzer hara went to plan B. I'm not sure how to put this without sounding weird, but B"h I'm a good looking guy. Maybe even a model. Whenever I go anywhere I get all kinds of looks etc... you get the point. I'm a ben torah and don't hang out with girls or do anything shady. So the yetzer hara tells me "you can go get any woman you want" "go talk to her" "go get her number". It's a very intense yitzra d'arayos that I never had till now. Maybe it's because I dropped the "outlet" I had, the yh moved on to the "real thing". I'm starting shidduchim and I was wondering if it will get any easier after I get married be'ezras hashem. I really hope it does because I'm scared to death to have to deal with this my entire life. Sorry if I'm venting. (EDIT: I know full well marriage is not for the fulfilment of lustful desires, that wasn't my question lol)

You are being tested by Hashem like Yosef Hatzadik. 

Yosef lost his clothes twice; once through his brothers when they threw him into the pit, and once when he ran away from Mrs. Potifar.

A nisayon is a time when the person's innermost essence is exposed. That is when we/Hashem can see where the person is REALLY holding. Clothes cover the wearer; they are symbolic of the coverings that a person is hidden by.

Yosef had two styles of nisyonos: (1) the test of losing everything, His brothers abandoning him in a pit in the desert. And (2) his master's wife trying to raise him high.

He withstood both of them. He was shown in his uncovered essence. His 'coverings' were removed!

The word "nisayon" can be derived from the word "nes". Like the pasuk says, Vayasimu osso al nes - a flagpole - a high position.

The possuk states "Vayaazov ess bigdo beyadah - VAYANOS!! = & he became RAISED HIGH!!!

You're a  good looking guy... like Yosef Hatzadik... May Hashem help you go in his footsteps and you will also be raised high... 

Amein! Wow shkoiach what a chizuk. Is that your own vort?

First of all, congratulations on passing level one. That is the level that most of us on GYE are still on. To answer your question, It may get easier or harder, but, however depressing it is to hear it, there will always be something to work on. As we learned from DavidT that the point of the nisyonos are to raise us, and our only hope is that we have the strength and siyata dishmaya to pass them. You should get chizuk from seeing how high you are from where you were before, and push to go even higher.

In this case, I think you are still dealing with a similar yetzer hara, just at a higher level. Thinking "go talk to her" etc. means you are still looking at girls. However much I am holding way worse than where you seem to be holding, the goal is to ignore whatever you are seeing and not react, however handsome you are and however pretty she is.

Yep you are spot on R Yissie. Since I dropped masturbating altoghether, the yetzer hara of "looking at girls" like you put it went WAY up. I try my best to look away, take of my glasses etc... but like I said it's mad difficult. Any tips? 

All I can say from my experience is that while looking at girls on the street became way way harder at the beginning, the hard work is beginning to pay off. I try to always take my glasses off or try to look down. If it’s I a place where I know ahead of time that there are probably going to be girls I try to take my glasses off before I get there so that I don’t get that first urge. This was really hard to implement at first but bh the fight is getting easier every day.
The second main tactic (and this really worked for me when things got rough) was to think that if I pass this nisayon, I get to daven for whatever I want right after. This might be to frum of an idea for some but if you think you are at the level where having the zchus to daven right after passing a nisayon will be a motivator, then this might do the job. That’s what worked for me. 
So I’d say keep persisting in what you are doing to avoid it and be’ezrat hashem it will become way easier for you. 

AhavasEisan wrote on 31 May 2022 23:25:

Maybe try to make very small goals at first. For example, we can accept upon ourselves that for the walk from home to shul and back, no matter what, we will absolutely not look anywhere besides at the ground. It may be difficult at first, but after a few times of doing this we will hopefully be able to increase our goals.

Also, we need to tell ourselves that no matter how painful it feels not to look, it will always be even more painful to look (We know we can't have it anyway, and when we look - we desire it and it HURTS.) . So essentially, the pain we feel when not looking is much better than the pain of looking!