I am going to make a bombshell statement, and this is after 30 years of struggling with masturbation and 26 years of pornography,  I came to conclusion there is no solution to become "free". If you disagree then please challenge me. I tried everything. Yes there are things you can do to reduce the frequency but nothing to "break free" I never gave up though, I continue to Daven for a Nes and I believe it will happen one day, (I am not even sure what I daven for, do I really want Hashem to take away my desire to sex?) Here is the thing, the only time I felt relieve was when I had to take for a short period of time, for a different reason, anti depression medication and that reduced my sex drive, that was the first time I felt relieve, I wish I was taking that 20 years ago, all of the sudden I got relieved from my hardest struggle, It bothered me I couldn't achieve that on my own, I started having problems in believing in Bechira (making your own choice) and Shviras Hamidos on your own.

Hi Davidy. I don’t have enough personal knowledge to be able to challenge you. However I can say that after 35 years of being steeped in a world of pornography, with the help of GYE I am now clean for six months. I daven every day that this should continue and I will never take it for granted.

As your profile seems to be new, we don’t know too much about you. You mention that you have tried everything. Please elaborate on what you have tried. I am by no means an expert. there are many people here that have been struggling for a long time with different degrees of success. Hopefully one of us pinpoint some ideas that will be helpful for you.

I am being very frank: It is highly unlikely that you are the first member on GYE in your situation. If you reach out here, GYE will guide you to others in very similar situations to your own who have broken free ODAAT. 
Pls speak to Gye's Pros, not just via the forum.

And even if you are right, would you not be happy to reduce the frequency of your sexual activity? this is for sure possible and within your reach. Lust shines in the darkness, expose it here on gye by connecting with others and Bez"H you will begin to see a new ray of hope.

With admiration,
Excellence

David welcome to the club!

I am reading your post and I am bomb shell shocked that you would write that you have not found any help!

Many of us come to GYE with a religious problem assuming that we need to find a religious solution such as listening to lectures about the fight etc.

We think we need to find a religious solution because according to the irreligious camp there is no problem with masturbation. There is more to say on that topic but I don’t want to talk about it now.The reality is that for many of us the whole idea of getting hooked onto lust is an emotional issue not caused by religion and therefore the solution won’t necessarily be with religion. 

If you found a certain antidepressant medication that works for you, then you should be jumping for joy that you have found it to resolve the emotional issue at hand which causes acting out.

LCHAIM!

Markz wrote on 02 May 2022 17:09:

For me a big part of recovery was looking at it from a saccular point of view. the second I looked at it from a religion view I flopped.
(I told Hashem you understand that I'm doing for you, but in order to do it, I need to do from a mantel illness point, not a religions one 

No Mask wrote on 02 May 2022 19:15:

Thank you No Mask,

I’v been struggling with the same question as excellence for awhile as well. I’m definitely going to give your idea a try, at this point I have nothing to lose as I’m hitting new lows.

Dear Davidy, I have met with multiple  people that broke free for more then 15 years.  So as far as the no solution at all, I think you should say you haven’t found a solution that works for you. I’m in the same boat as you’re in, I’ve been acting out sexually for more then 25 years. I still struggle sometimes daily, it’s up to me to break free… if I apply myself to GYE and 12 steps I will break free. This struggle is a blessing and a curse, like many thing in life we can use this struggle to better ourself or it can bring us down. For me this struggle (at times) brought me closer to God. If I work the 12 steps I see my growth and I see the progress in breaking free. Unfortunately, I didn’t always see the light… sometimes I get the attitude that I can do this without God and 12 steps, that’s when I fall in to a dark place. I know there is a solution I just have to want to really break free and grab on and never let go.

Welcome Davidy. BH statistics show that guys do break free b'ezras Hashem. If you connect yourself with the chevra here and get involved in a program, be it SA or one of the other mehalchim, there is no reason to believe you are doomed. And let's be honest. You posted because you want out of this mess. So hop on board. Post more info - non identifying history of the challenges and what you attempted.

Some people struggle with addictions their whole lives. Some ex-alcoholics even ask their rabbis for an exception from drinking wine on pesach. Having a weakness in one area doesn't necessarily have to infringe on free will. For example, some people have a chronic mental illness that will never go away, and that medication only marginally helps.



As someone with both the issue we talk about on this site, and mental illness as described above, I have come to terms with the fact that one will never go away. The other, I certainly have more control over. Although the temptation may never go away, as I understand it, merit is given in heaven for one who struggles against an avera.

This is an important topic and I'm really grateful it's been brought up.

This touches on the old debate here of needing sex. Davidy doesn't give his background, but perhaps for some people there really isn't a solution. For clarity, what I mean is that there really are some things we cant do. I can't fly. I can't run a marathon (albeit perhaps I could with training) but each time we take a decision, we narrow down what we could do. A life long bachelor, in my opinion, is allowed to masturbate. not because I think Halocho allows him, but because that's his metziyus. 

So too here. For some people, their life choices (even the really good ones) can mean that can't stop. Someone who can't go to meetings because he simply can't bring himself to. Call it mental illness call it whatever you want - he simply can't. 

​I'm fat. I've lost weight and gained weight and lost it again. Quite common I understand :-) But you know what, it's part of who I am. It's a continuous struggle knowing I most likely can't win. So too, maybe porn and masturbation are like that. Clean for a few years and then bang. It hits you. You're tired or stressed, whatever it is. 

But here's the point. Who cares!!! If I gave up learning because I came across a shvere tosfos, I'd be an idiot. So okay, right now I'm struggling. I try to keep it within limits and hope the future holds better things when my life is back to normal.

I do ramble don't I :-) Not sure if all that made sense as a line of logic. 

Hi
First of all I really appreciate everyone that replied here, I am really thankful to everyone, every reply gives me another push.
also, I am so sorry that i didn't reply until now,
I am not sure if it's unfortunate or Burich Hashem that I work so hard that I have very little time left to come on here and write, I know if I would, it would be very helpful, the little time that I have left I am not always in the mood to come on here. I will try bez"h to come on here more often instead of doing other things.
I have way to much to write about my background and about my experience in this area, I can not possibly do this so quick, also considering that I thought my self to write English so it doesn't come so easy for me.
I Think a little bit there and a bit there and hopefully with time i'll be able to bring out more of my experience and story, I also have to find my self in the right spirit.

I think I will start with one or two topics.
First, someone that has an addiction with porn, just putting up a filter will never get him clean, he will always find a way back to it somehow, after a while not having it and find him self in a weak moment, I am wondering if to completely become like a Nuzir (נזיר) to any type of device will he then easier become clean, but is that really possible to be Menazer your self completely from all devices?

One of my biggest struggles in my teen years was, that in my brain there was only black and white, either you are a Tzadik or a Rushe,  either you sin and you are a sinner or you stop to sin and you are good for life from now on, and this was a very wrong way of thinking.

I gotta go now guess I'll continue next time.

Thanks for coming back.  It is good to have dialogue and you can be helped.  I hope you will take the time to read some of the stuff I’ve written. I spent many years believing that I could not be helped and thinking I was a secret rasha.   It is 100% clear to me now that this was never true even if I was failing in certain areas.  Please try to stay connected here.  

Life is busy, but this has to be our priority. It is impossible to win the Satan when he is all prepared and we are not. I am not judging you, rather I am stressing the importance of making this our priority, because I learnt the hard way that every time I place this fight on a back burner, i get caught.

100's of us have experienced and relate to the points you have mentioned. You are not alone in this battle and as long as you do your little bit, you will be surprised how much of an effect it has one day.

You can do it. Think about today, not the future. 

In case your'e the "Divrei torah" type, here is a link that may be of interest to you: guardyoureyes.com/forum/15-The-Torah-amp-Chizuk-Approach/357766-Bunch-of-Quotes-I-Gained-from-over-the-years

Hatzlocho Rabbo! 

If you haven't won yet, then you haven't tried everything.

Read some books. Change up your approach. Take a vacation, get some new perspective.

Don't get sucked into idiocy.