hi again

had a bit of a hiatus from posting.
im posting right now because im fed up. i dont feel guilty or depressed - just very annoyed.

the last time i posted was after a 65 day streak ended, and i gave up. i was also pretty busy and didn’t want to put time and energy into trying to pick myself up again. over the next few weeks i didn’t resist much and i frankly just didnt care. 
in other news, i started working on a project im very excited about with some friends. i’ve grown a bit as a person (thanks to therapy and friends) and im excited about the direction im going in. 
this is great. i’ve never felt better. 
but, theres something thats getting in the way.
(3 guesses)
yea. sexual urges, fantasizing, and acting on them is a momentum killer. also a mood killer. and focus killer. and energy killer.
its just distracting and a waste of time. 
and for what??
my 2 annoyances right now are:
1) its eating my time and focus (that could be spent on my passion project)
2) its a f*cking letdown every time. when you dont use for a while, you forget how empty it feels and you only remember the high. but i’ve been masturbating/looking at porn pretty frequently, and im acutely aware of the fact that i literally cannot satisfy my sexual cravings. to the point that i dont even know why im doing it. i just do it.
i know that posting in the past has helped tremendously. so im going to try that again. 
i will be approaching this differently though. 
forget 90 days. this time im going for a 1 day streak.
i dont care about “staying clean” or what have you, i just want this inconvenience out of my day so i can be as productive and energetic as possible. 
everyday is day 1. the goal is to be clean today. 
i’ll try to post every day, as well as when i get urges so i can refocus. 

thanks for reading

Amazing that you’ve returned. Definitely relate to your one day policy.
May you have much hatzlocha, we’re here for you.

If I may suggest, try to fight off the Yetzer Hara - not one day at a time - but one hour at a time. The y"h won't have very much to reply to that. One hour?, c'mon, that could be handled. Those 'one hours' will turn into days and finally months with the help of Hashem. 

Say Strong and connected!

TheYoungerTwin wrote on 31 Mar 2022 15:49:

Welcome back! Great to hear from you. 
I love your approach about dropping the streak idea and focusing on one day. I recently read an old thread on defining odaat (guardyoureyes.com/forum/53-The-12-Step-Program/287536-One-Day-At-A-Time---What-does-it-really-mean), realizing that it means different things to different people. I think you'd appreciate reading it. There's a lot there supporting your approach - just focus on today, not because it'll add up to a lot, but just for its value today.
I also recently heard a Shiur from R' Doniel Kalish
www.shasilluminated.org/shiur/46889/wisdom-from (in the second half of the shiur) where he explains that most people misunderstand the famous story of the Steipler Zt"l in the Russian army and going through his guard duty without a coat by doing it 5 minutes at a time. His Pshat in the story is the Steipler wasn't using 5 minutes as a trick to make it through the whole thing, rather a genuine desire to go just 5 minutes and appreciating the value of those 5 minutes, and then doing that over and over. That's certainly a valid and authentic approach in dealing with our sexual struggles. 
Much Hatzlocha!

Avrohom wrote on 01 Apr 2022 03:58:

yes. my mindset right now is not just “focus on one day at a time”.
its “i honestly don’t care if i masturbate and watch porn tomorrow or in a month from now - or even from tomorrow till a month from now. all i care about is not getting distracted TODAY, because today is important to me.”
btw, i succeeded. day 1 went well.

Welcome back. May Hashem give you tremendous hatzlocha!

For another take on the coat story, see this post by Dov:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/213548-with-Hashems-help?limit=15&start=15#214802 

day 1
today is looking pretty good.

i just fell after a few days...

wanna try your 1 day idea bro. thank you!

so true what you said about getting this inconvience out of your life.i was thinking about it and one of my main motivations for quitting, is that its just such a pain. i cant live a normal life cuz of P and M. I have to sneak off instead of enjoyng chilling with friends. wtf. before even gettting  ruchniyus involved, just from a productivity point of view, what am i doing!

we will win.

pattycake wrote on 01 Apr 2022 21:27:

just give it up for today. decide that today will be a better, more productive day without the wild goose chase. today is what matters. 
glad i can provide a (slightly) different perspective.
good luck! yes, we will win.

Great to hear from you youngertwin, wishing you lots of success!

MenachemGYE wrote on 01 Apr 2022 12:41:

@Menachem maybe you can help me understand Dov's idea. (In regards to the coat story they argue more about the Steipler's intent, and perhaps aren't too different in understanding ODAAT) R' Kalish's idea is that one should focus on the value of today - separately from any streak or its value as part of a larger picture. Dov seems to be saying something else though. That "holding your breath" doesn't work. If you treat m & p etc. as a need or even desire, then one day at a time can't work because it's a gimmick that you'll eventually have to cave to. Rather you have to be done with it - for today. I'm not really getting how that relates to ODAAT - can you explain?

@youngertwin - I hope I'm not hijacking your thread here, I do appreciate exploring this topic.

Avrohom wrote on 06 Apr 2022 04:05:

By all means, explore! I also found dovs idea to be a little confusing
don't have time right now to discuss tho