DavidT wrote on 30 Jan 2022 15:15:

Deleted.

Godspeed to you!

I bh had a great night last night. I feel amazaing.
I was putting my little kid back to sleep at 3 in the morning after she woke up and it was taking very long for her to settle down.
I was craving to go online "just for a minute" to check out a clip or 2.
But then I thought to myself....here I go again... Enough!!!!!
I made up in my mind I am not touching the device even  for a split second. 
I know myself already that when I want to go online "just for a minute to check out a video on youtube" it usually ends 3 hours later with porn and masturbating 3 times.
I am so proud of myself for not giving in to the temptation.
Being on gye gives me so much chizzuk.
After I joined gye 3 weeks ago I finally  feel like I have a fighting chance. 
The zchus goes to everyone here who hangs around on the forums to share some love and chizuk.
Thank you guys!!!!!

You now officially have a "real win".
You now know you can do it! Yes, even at 3 in the morning, Yes, even after your kid woke up again.  

Next time you have a challenge you can remind yourself you can ​do it, because you've done it already!!  

Keep it up.

I bh have a great update and another "big win"

I finally have been able to remove the netspark filter that has been on my wifes phone which was withholding me from installing webchaver. I have gotten through that filter too many times to count, so i wanted to put on webchaver instead.
Last night I bh installed webchaver on her phone and have a awesome  gye member as my "chaver".
Now here to the big win...
Firstly I showed up to the tag office but realized that it opens in another half hour. I had such a hard nisoyon to quickly "chap arain" and to search before I get the webchaver but I was able to tell myself that its not worth it and I stayed very strong and didnt touch the phone while I waited, instead I took out a sefer and learnt.
Then tag took off my filter and I went home and was going to install webchaver when I got home.
When I got home things where busy and I only had a chance to install webchaver once I was in bed.
My wife fell asleep right away and there I was lying with an open unfiltered device in my bed and I started thinking how juicy the next few hours will be with unlimited access to hours of unfiltered porn and masturbation .........
But then I though WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME< WHEN WILL I STOP CHEATING ON MY WIFE AND CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!
IF I DONT STOP NOW I WONT STOP NEXT TIME.
I'm telling you I was sweating and my chest was pounding as I installed the webchaver. I kepped thinking to myself YOU IDIOT!! YOUR WASTING AN OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME!! ONCE YOU PUT ON THE WEBCHAVER ITS OVER/ NO MORE WATCHING JUICY PORN!!
STUPID!!!!
But I didnt listen and just contiued with the installation process while telling myself I HAD ENOUGH!! I LOVE MY WIFE MORE THAN THIS STUPID PORN!!!!! I LOVE MY CHILD!! ITS WORTH THE SACRIFICE.
Trust me this was one of the hardest nisyonos in my life and I bh made it through.
Thank you hashem fir the strenghth you gave me and thank you gye members for all your chizuk and tefilos.

This post gave me goose bumps. You are an incredible inspiration! Wow!! Keep up your incredible battle!

Lost in search              2
Yetzer hara                0

Keep it up!

Ok so here is a update on my situation,
I had a fall last night. I find that most of my falls happen when I watch youtube or netflix for entertainment and then I end up sliping.
I bh didnt watch any porn, a big reason is because I have webchaver so I was embaressed that my chaver would see, but I did get triggered from seeing inapropriately dressed woman on the previous mentioned sites.
I ended up masturbating twice, the first time from desire and the second was from guilt.
I know my self that a big help would be to stop going on these non jewish entertainment sites so that  I would be less trigered.This  that is something that I am currently working on.
Besides for the issue with getting triggered they are big time wasters and I would be a lot more productive without them. Also my sleeping habits are not the best since I use these these sites late at night. I find that I use the site as a self medication kind of an escape from from reality. like if I'm feeling stressed then when I go on these sites I totally forget all the stress. So its hard to stop using these sites but it would be better for me so I will try to start limiting my usage on these sites.
But on a positive note last week when I fell I ended up masturbating 7 times so Now I'm a lot better that I stopped after 2 times.
And I didnt watch any porn.
Good Shabbos.

You have a healthy attitude. You don't feel the need to beat yourself up. Guys like that break free b'ezras Hashem.

It is a great accomplishment that you are avoiding pornography, so don't misunderstand my next comments. YouTube and Netflix have many drawbacks. first and foremost - When Hashem told us "V'lo sasuru... acharei eineichem", His intention was not just pornography. We have somehow as a tzibbur unfortunately gotten to the point where if something is not "the worst of the worst" then it is somewhat ok. That is simply not true. To watch anything that arouses ta'ava is assur. The rabbonim of the previous two generations were quite successful in removing television from so many homes; and now unfortunately, people that are otherwise "yerei-im u'shleimim" basically have a television in their pockets - constantly watching clips that contain women dressed immodestly etc (and that's besides the barrage of subtle and not so subtle apikorsus and leitzanus against all we hold dear, that is spewed forth from media outlets etc...)

Secondly, although these venues do not show pornography, the underlying message in much of today's films is objectification of women. They subtly promote the disgusting idea that women were placed in this world for men to enjoy and self please with. There is a tremendous amount of provocative and suggestive behavior acted out in these shows. This is in essence the poison of pornography, just covered up a bit. Viewing this stuff is poison for marriage and for having an appreciation for mothers, sisters, and any female one comes into contact with in daily life. In yiddishkeit, a woman is a queen. 

In closing, not watching pornography is a major - very major step up. keep to that standard! However, do yourself a favor and just cut off from this YouTube/Netflix garbage. You will not regret it.

Hashem Help Me wrote on 04 Feb 2022 12:20:

Wow you hit the nail on the head, that was exactly what I wanted to hear.
I had another fall last night and this time I ended up watching real porn.
I am really upset about this. And I feel very down.
The reason I like your suggestion about youtube and netflix is because I find them to be such strong triggers for me, and usually when I fall it started from watching non jewish entertainment sites that trigered me.

I have  a dilemma because on one hand if I don't watch any non jewish entertainment because I'm afraid they will trigger me then I am basically saying that I have no control over my actions and have to put myself as far as possible from any of my trihggers ( even though  that is the first step in the 12 step program but its hard to admit that I have no control over myself-   I never did the program so that idea is foriegn to me). On the other hand if I keep going on non jewish entertainment sites then I will keeep on falling.

In other words I don't mind so much cutting out the non jewish sites, its just that it bothers me knowing that I cant control myself if I go near any triggers, While most normal people can control themselves

This dilemma many guys struggle with, but the thinking is flawed. Would anyone have a pantry in their house that has a shelf for fleishig, one for milchig, one for pareve, and one for treife? And can we imagine if we did have such a shelf in the pantry and we told our kids "Those really good looking yummy chocolates on the treife shelf - you cannot reat them ever"? Everybody would agree that such a scenario would be insane. Nobody looks it as being a wimp by not bringing non kosher food into the house! Why can't we just "control ourselves" as you put it?  Similarly, why did Chazal forbid carrying around a hammer on Shabbos. Can't we "control ourselves" not to use it in a form of melacha?!

We daven every day that Hashem should protect us from various things - one of which is "V'lo li'yedei nisayon". Why? Shouldn't we ask for tests and pass them? Hashem's ratzon is that we protect ourselves. We kiss the mezuza on the front door and close the door - leaving the street outside. we should not have a mini television in our pockets 24/6 that is supposedly our "communication device". Being a man, a gavra, means having the courage to admit that we have urges and need to protect ourselves. Then, when we are faced with a (hopefully rare) nisayon, Hashem gives us the extra help to pass it, because He recognizes that this is a guy who is doing everything he can to remain clean. Hatzlocha!

I want let everyone know that I started a new thread, I started my 90 day count, and that's where I keep track of it.
This is the link to the thread,  
guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/376760-On-My-Way-To-90-Days#376760
it's called On My Way To 90 days.

Hey buddy, your doing so so awesome!! Based on what I’m seeing I would love to just point out a few points… I think it can be beneficial.. if you think this doesn’t apply to you then - disregard it :-) 
1. a big part of your fight is knowing erotic stuff on the internet is an option to lust on 
2. you keep losing a clarity on why you don’t wanna fall.. in a way your allowing the filter to fight for you or the webchaver or whatever it may be, so at a certain point you try to outsmart the original system you made so your always in inner turmoil should I?! Should I not?! 
these 2 I noticed.. but I can be wrong :-) if this is so, how about trying a couple things.. 
1. Start by building a clarity on why you don’t wanna fall.. regardless of filter or webchaver or even if your mother in law has access to it. It makes no difference.. what’s the solid reasons your done with erotic Internet content? How about writing them on a paper a list of a lot of powerful PERSONAL reasons.. and reading it to yourself each day for 20 minutes. Or even 30 minutes a day! go into each one talk about it… you’ll feel stronger.. 
2. how about making this stuff not an option from within, coming bulletproof and realizing lusting on screens is just an option and I’m gonna have to face my lust and deal with it… there are many ways to do that.. how about, making a kenas of ripping a 50$ bill if you lust on the Internet.. there’s many great nusachim and it’s important to make one without loopholes. This is just an idea of making it not an option. It’s important then working on this you figure out ways to deal with your lust.. so it doesn’t travel to other areas.. and with that I’ll go to the 3rd… 
3. give yourself a replacement - to replace what lust itself was giving you.. how about- excessive exercise 5 times a week?
all this seems like a lot heh?! Oh you bet it is! Well, breaking free does take a lot of effort.. and it’s sure worth it.. for your olam hazeh and for your olam Haba.. and if not for you well then for your beautiful family! Hatzlacha!! I know you’ll succeed! Keep it up!!!