Hi guys, I really hope your all doing well. 
​Its been a while since I've been here, when I was in Yeshiva (for what was supposed to be the year) I only brought a kosher phone, so I had relatively no access to the internet except for on a few occasions. I really just left you guys, my GYE cheers that I really built together with you guys without warning and it wasn't right, I really do feel terrible. 
The year was crazy being in Israel and such, with corona going around in Israel was pretty intense of a year. I hit a sort of scary moment when I started using friends devices and yeshivas computers to watch porn and masterbate. So with the decision of me my rebbeim, and psychologist, I started going to SA. It was a lot of work, and Im not sure I was ready for, but I guess it was the right decision.
For the past month or so I've been going through a depression, so I came back from the states, but haven't been much better since. Since Ive been home I haven't gone to a single meeting, haven't touched my GYE account, and haven't haven't been able to put together 2+ days of sobriety. I even broke shabbos to watch which kind of makes me feel like an irreligious bum, so thats were I'm holding in Judaism. 
Ive been having a couple of good days lately and trying to keep those going and maximize that, but its generally been difficult, when your depressed the room literally feels darker. 
​I still have confidence in you guys, and I've been secretly still following a couple of chats and it always felt good to be with you guys, at least from my perspective. 

​I guess thats a basic sum up of where I am now.

Od Yosef Chai!!
Welcome back!

If you have been to SA meetings, I assume that means that there is some inkling that you are an addict. One of the basic premises of all Anonymous fellowships is that we have an allergy that makes us react abnormally to our drug of choice.
I would therefore say that one someone who breaks Shabbos for an addiction doess not having a Yidishkeit problem. Its like someone who s Nebach a schizophrenic, doesn't take their medication and therefore breaks Shabbos does not have to work on keeping shabbos properly, but rather work on taking their medication (ie. recovering from their illness)

Welcome back Yosef! Why be sorry? I think many of us (myself included) have had "off" periods, where one is just too ashamed/unmotivated to come back. The important thing is you're back with us. Solitude is never the answer to our problems.
I second Striving Avreich, I wouldn't count that as "hillul shabbos". All the more so, since "melecheis mochosheveis osro Torah". I think this was hardly "mochosheveis"...
Once more welcome back, and keep posting. Open up as much as you can here, it's the best medicine.

I wasn't saying that its not Chillul Shabbos (I'm not saying it is, I have no idea. I'm not a Rabbi, yet...). I was just saying that I don't think its primarily a Yidishkeit issue. Recovery is not Mussar or Yiras Shomayim, its, as Dov says, is learning how to be a person by being in recovery from our illness.

By all means, I'm not a rabbi too, I'm just suggesting he shouldn't feel guilty. I'm sure Hashem is more interested in his recovery and certainly his recovery will improve yiddishkeit. As you've correctly pointed out (IMHO), this is a recovery issue, not yiddishkeit issue.

Nice to see you back on here