Hopeless101 wrote on 04 Jun 2021 06:26:
So, here is my update....
I hired someone to help me out with this problem.
I bought a couple of books on Shmiras Eynayim, Bris, Etc...I added these to my daily sedarim so I try to have it always in mind. BTW you know the chofetz chaim book on lashan harah a lesson a day. They have one on Shmiras Enyaim. It is good. Also, I found Sefer Zos Brisi in English is AMAZING!!! It gave me alot of chizuk. I'm reading it for the 2nd time.
I am clean now for 30 days.
During the course of the 30 days I tried to force myself not to take a double look at something.
Sometimes I was able and sometimes I failed. It was hard to force the instinct to look.
On the last day of the 30 I felt my self really getting weaker. I was slowly starting to lose my will power. It was a crazy last few days. I wasn't getting much sleep, stress for work, etc...
I was pretty solid for the month but on the last day I found myself taking a double look at a girl or two and I browsed a few girls on tik tok in bikinis.
I was able to shut it down after a few minutes and that's all did.
Am I a complete failure that I wasn't able to go a full 30 without browsing some eye candy?
Like WNGU wrote. You did great! How do you expect to just rip out years of training yourself to do something...in 30 days?!?
There is no magic. No matter how strong a decision there is a method. It's called time. Just like a bodybuilder must work out every day for years slowly increasing resistance to reach a goal, so must be done in all areas. Slow and steady.
We are human. Sometimes we win and sometimes we don't. That's what life is. The key is to learn from mistakes (for real), and keep growing. As long as we don't let it get us down and keep moving ahead with proper determination, you are on a beautiful upward trajectory.
Like they say. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Chin up! You are doing great!
