Amazing! Please be an active role model for the rest of us!

Mazel Tov!!!

May you continue going up and up

And inspiring others

Was about to hit 400 Days and guess what?

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall......more than once over the past 24 hours.

Am I ok with it? Yes. 

Is it Acceptable that I'm not so bothered by my fall? Probably.

Am I upset with myself? Not really.

The way I see it is that I'm not perfect, I've come a tremendous way, overcome many struggles and most importantly changed my whole outlook on lust vs real healthy relationships. My Sholom Bayis is BH incomparable to what it was in my early days when all I wanted out of marriage was to fulfil my sexual feelings. We both feel happily married and are on the same page BH.

Do I have any major takeaway lessons from this fall? not really, other than a reminder that I'm a human being, I'm not immortal, or immune to sin. 

I was home alone, my wife was out of town, anxious about situation in Isreal. i was binge watching online, I then found on old phone that i realised I can probably access pornographic material, one thing led to another and I fell. 

Now guess what happened to Humpty Dumpty after his great fall? HE GOT BACK UP AGAIN.

Hence, I shall reset my count. (for some reason, not working right now). Hayom Yom Rishon.

My journey continues basically from where it left off right before falling.

If I really want to utilise this fall as an opportunity to make another change in my life, I really must contemplate how to minimise general usage of internet in my day to day life. We have become so accustomed to having internet as part of our lives thoroughout the day, however I challenge myself with the following questions:

1 - How much do I really need it?
2 - How much time is wasted from having it so available?
3 - What message am I giving to my kids?
4 - Is the polluted culture of society seeping into my home via all the (Kosher) news sites...
5- Is it causing anxiety?
6- Why do I often find myself being drawn to the pc, even for petty things like checking my emails?
7 - Why on earth shouldn't I just have a white list?

Conclusion: I dont really want it, but not sure what to do about it....

Anyway 4 time being I shall not change my avatar image as I still consider myself a Baal Teshuva.

Excellence

You are amazing keep on fighting the good fight.

With regard to some of your observations, it may be helpful to write down on paper what you would like your day to look like. How you want to use your time under optimal circumstances. Then You can evaluate whether the activities you are engaging in are getting you closer to your optimal goal. If not you can make one small change at a time until you get there.

Best wishes for continued success
Vehkam

There's a lot to learn from your post. You are Excellence!

אם ראה ת״ח שעבר עבירה בלילה על תהרהר אחריו ביום כי ודאי עשה תשובה



I do want to accentuate: You mentioned that you were binge-watching online and then one thing led to another. 



I have heard that so many times this past week, unfortunately.



Oy. Getting sucked into the infinite scrolling endlessness of sickening "news" dehumanizes us, fills us with yiyush, existential angst and desperation, and feeds into the posture of click-to-fill-me-it-won't-anyhow-ness..... 



LiMaan Hashem - שומר נפשו ירחק מזה!

You are an inspiration. You know the answers to your questions - it's quite obvious. Be courageous and do what needs to be done for your sake and for the sake of your children - YOU WON"T REGRET IT.   

P.S. I think i am basically up to date with the news in Eretz Yisroel without "following it" myself. Buddy, and all of you reading this, maybe just do the same.

100% agree. 
Internet usage is a killer if done excessively and without purpose. 
Reading the news is always depressing, especially now. I always tell my parents to not watch the news so much, it makes them depressed. 
But they are too stuck in their ways by now.... We are younger and should know better.............. 
Make a white list, or just block the news category completly.  
Get rid of any devices that are unfiltered, 

If I may add just one point. Motzei Yom Tov I went to check YWN to see what happened. And when I was done there I checked Fox news. After about ten seconds I realized that a news site, on the front page, is not something anybody who cares to protect their eyes or neshama should ever be on. It was really bad. Checking the news, the details is itself not so great for our mental health, Hashem Yerachaim. But non-frum news sites, it's really terrible

And My friend, Excellence, you are no doubt the baal teshuva! You are amazing, you did not lose even one holy moment of עמידה בנסיון! Keep trucking, my holy friend!

eerie wrote on 18 Oct 2023 19:35:

The amount of people that have called over the last few days reporting that they fell due to following the news is a pachad. Guys who have not viewed an immodest online picture for extended periods of time all report the same thing. "I went on to a frum news site, but then i wanted to see how others are reporting the goings on, as well as seeing more details.... and then i clicked on "other" things that showed up...."   The Satan strikes again ingeniously. Rabbosai, be smart - Stay away!