hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 22 Jan 2021 05:01:

Woah - You’ve got Talent - Coming back to your senses real quick!!

If I were in your shoes I’d still feel like I’m headed for a fall. Not much to do to pause the momentum...

However, there actually is what to do. 
Which gye guy did you call last?

I come bearing bad news. After three months of not looking up inappropriate content, I had a fall. The pull of unfiltered Internet was just too much. After I did the deed, I promised myself that I would never do it again, After all, I had just gone three months without it. This was just a small blip, and once I had gotten it out of my system, I would be fine. Then I fell again this morning. Unbelievable. How do I keep on falling for the same lies that I tell myself? I let my guard down, thinking I can handle it, and then BOOM. I feel that I have less motivation to try now. It was so hard the first time, and so easy to just fall right right into it. How do I get my fire back?

I'm sorry to hear about your fall.
It can be tough to get back on the road.

Now you have a chance to reassess and make changes necessary to stop another fall.

I think
The motivation will come when you make a strong resolve to start again.

90 days is around the time you realize you don't need to rely on viewing garbage to live your life.

You did it once, you can do it again!

If you can, get rid of your access to unfiltered devices....it will help tremendously.

Wishing you much success!

Please make it a habit to PM or call one of us (or simply ramble on with a post) when struggling. This is what changed my life after 25 years of spinning my wheels.

You may feel like a loser but we all view you as quite the opposite; it takes remarkable courage to post after the devastation that you feel.

Feel the love that we all have for you, dear friend!

IMG

Hey guys. I'm up to day 2 of being clean. It hasn't been so hard until now. After I watch videos of women I kind of get disgusted and turned off from the whole taavah thing. But it eventually comes back with a vengeance...Fun days ahead.

Dear heilige friend HY613,

During your clean moments, be sure to enjoy healthy and positive "self talk."

Saying "I have no taavah anyhow" is suicide.

HHM's command that I look in the mirror and say (well...call him and ask HIM!) is literally what began the rewiring process and the new me.

I know it aint so simple (and that therapy and the such may also be critical), but please trust me.

Is the oilam maskim? Anything to chime in to add encouragement to our dear friend HY613 is appreciated!

IMG

Good idea to do the Mirror thing.
Also gotta look ahead and plan for times of nisayon. We can’t wait until our heart starts pounding with taiva, by then it’s almost too late...

Write a post or a letter to yourself describing the exact disgusted feelings you have after indulging. Read it when those feelings vanish.

Sup y'all. It's been a little bit since I last posted. Things have gotten somewhat better since last time. I was feeling really hopeless for a long time, and I think I'm finally crawling out of it. My natural state of being is to be quiet and withdrawn and anxious. I'm afraid of being myself, because maybe I'm just too weird and people will judge me. I'm afraid of taking risks. I'm scared to give myself credit for success, because failure always lurks around the corner. I started allowing the walls to crumble, and to try to embrace the vulnerability that comes with it. I feel raw and unprotected, and I want to retreat back into my fortress, where I can be safe...and small. But I know that the only way out is through, and that real opportunity is only found by moving forward and becoming bigger.

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Feb 2021 18:21:

Beautiful beautiful. Ashrecha!
A therapist would be quite helpful in this journey of yours, if you you’re not seeing one currently

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Feb 2021 18:21:

So glad to hear that!!!!
By the way, (not that I’m endorsing it, but) if you have access to YouTube, check out the song “Castle” by Daniel Goldblatt (I wish my voice was anything like his). I think you might be able to relate. 
If you dont have access, pm me. 
#לחיים!!!!!

I just went out with an amazing girl last night. She was so positive and upbeat, with a really sweet personality. Conversation started off a little awkward but it eventually picked up and it felt pretty good. I was so scared that she was going to say no...but she wants to go out again! I know I've written about this before, but now all my worthless feelings are coming right back. I have that horrible premonition type feeling that it's not going to work out. I just have to know that it's a feeling, nothing more. I am going to accept it, be nice and understanding to myself, and do my best. And Daven. A lot.

I'm literally standing in the snow, freezing cold, just so that I can get Wi-Fi, to let you guys know that I'm going on Day 5 of no masturbation. Thanks for being there for me.

Hope you still standing there to get our congratulations!!!! Well done! And make sure you celebrate with a warm tea when you get home!!!!

Thank you for updating!

It takes a certain level of commitment to update in such weather!

Don't underestimate your strength or self value..one day at a time and you'll be in a better place.