So happy to hear that things are looking up for you!!
And about the dating, as my friends say, “if it’s the right one- it should go fast. If it’s the wrong one-even quicker”
#הצלחה רבה!!!!

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 17 Jan 2021 18:51:

My opinion?

Talk it over with a rebbe.

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 17 Jan 2021 18:51:

Not quite sure where he got that from. When we masturbate our brains are flooded with dopamine, to the point where there is too much so we are actually killing off receptors. The result is it takes even more dopamine to give us that happy feeling, hence why we turn to different types of porn. Masturbating, at least for me, makes me more short tempered and get less satisfaction out of things. Scientifically this is because our brains are craving that rush of dopamine. Same thing for when we try to quit. Our brains are waiting for that dopamine and start to go a little crazy.

As for dating, I have the same feelings, it's normal. When a date goes well my anxiety skyrockets because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. As far as feeling intimidated by her, take it slow. You've been on one date. Get to know each other. If she is for you you'll feel her respect your good qualities. (Btw, I also get concerned about feeling intimidated by a potential date's accomplishments--also normal;) )

Thank you so much. Really good to know I'm not alone!

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 17 Jan 2021 18:51:

You are a hero!!

On the dating front, please also keep in mind that Hashem has already chosen the right one for you, as is clear from the Gemara Sotah 2a and Mo'ed Koton 18b. (Read them for chizuk in this.) No one can tell you how many times "the other foot will drop," and of course you always have to try your hardest and make the best decision. But when the right one comes along, nothing will get in the way. And it's not based on merit either, so don't worry about that. (Also please check out the last piece in Vayechi in Darash Moshe from Rav moshe Feinstein in the front section of the sefer for more on this. I will try to post a picture but i'm having technical difficulties posting on the app.)

I just got dumped. The reason was really bizarre. I looked like the husband of her best friend who stopped talking to her after she got married, and it was too painful for her. You can't make this stuff up. My Rebbi and therapist both thought it was very strange. It stinks, because she was probably the best girl I ever dated. We also shared many similarities. The urge to look up women is so so strong now. Baruch Hashem I stayed clean last night, but I think the next day or two is going to be a real white-knuckle. 

That is extremely bizarre.

If that is the reason she came up with, it's obvious she isn't your bashert.


Keep strong!
Don't give up!

Wow, I really feel for you. Ashrecha that you stayed strong!!!

Concerning her reason for turning you down, I can totally relate(ish). I once applied to a certain yeshiva, and I got rejected for the most shallow reasons (they actually made no sense). I ended up going to a different place, and that worked out incredibly. So although it is hard to accept at first (and it really is, I got you), just know that you did your best and Hashem had better plans. 
Stay strong and keep posting!!

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 19 Jan 2021 18:07:

Imagine she would say that you don't look like her friend's husband and go forward with you. 

Hashem Yerachem! 

Just had a fall. Did three days of  no motzi zera and then I went into the fire (I started touching thinking that I wasn't actually going to do it) and I came out burnt. 

Three days of mesiras nefesh that are yours forever. Let's do that again buddy.

I'm now my brother in law's house with an unfiltered device and my urges are BURNING. My mind is throwing everything at me. Here are the reasons to fail.
1. You did this for three months already and it hasn't helped. You still want it as much as you did back then. Just give in.
2. Let's be honest. You were doing this as a way to help your marriage, and as a zechus to get married. You're not there after all that. Not even close. You keep on going out and going out, and you just don't connect to all these girls . It's not going to happen. Just give in.
3. The topic of your thread is mental health and marriage. Has this helped your mental health at all? You still have anxiety. You still have really low self-esteem. You still feel hopeless. Just give in.
4. You want this so badly. You're not getting it any other way. It'll feel really good, and it will actually make you happy. It hurts so much to fight. You feel so empty without it. Why deprive yourself? You deserve it. You see so many posts of people that fall, and guess what, nothing happens to them. You'll be fine. Just give in.

Right now, it makes so much sense to. I don't even hear the counter-arguments. BUT I'M NOT GIVING IN.

I just have no words... you are incredible... you should just know how much you inspire me to stay clean, and keep strong! I'm really speechless.... your a true hero!

Woah. I just got really close to a major fail. I was watching America's Got Talent on Youtube when an add came on promoting a show about two lesbian women and it wasn't really kosher. I looked up the add again and I was watching it, but then I remembered my last post and I felt really stupid. There was no way I was going to come back here and say I messed up after that. It would hurt my Gaavah way too much. So after that small slip I came back to my senses somewhat and I think I'm good for now. I hope that doesn't count as a fall...