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TOPIC: Mental Health and Marriage 20050 Views

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 02 Mar 2022 13:17 #378045

  • vehkam
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Sorry that your meeting was disappointing.

Sometimes we need solutions but sometimes we just need a hug and for someone to tell us that they understand our struggles and feel for us.
.

In case it’s the latter I am sending you a virtual hug.
vehkam7@gmail.com

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The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.
Last Edit: 02 Mar 2022 13:18 by vehkam.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 02 Mar 2022 15:19 #378049

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Hi hashemyeracheim613. I am really sorry to hear you are going through this frustrating situation in your learning.
I highly recommend that you buy or borrow a copy of אמונה ובטחון by Chazon Ish (they have an English translation out with a blue cover) and read Chapter 3, מוסר והלכה.
It ממש changed my entire relationship with learning when I first learnt it a couple of years ago and I am currently chazering it. It is essential, especially in our world where every one wants to tell you why you have to learn this way or that way. Chazon Ish says it like it is. You'll see.
If you are wondering why you can't stop masturbating even though you're guarding your eyes, it's because you're fantasizing.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 02 Mar 2022 18:43 #378061

concernedjew21 wrote on 28 Apr 2021 23:33:
In my unfortunate experience once a boy and girl have disclosed to each other that they find it difficult not to touch, it only makes it more of an option and possibility, and, if you allow yourselves the opportunity, an inevitability.

The only way to stop it is to stop talking about it and to absolutely not allow yourselves to be in a place where it's possible for it to happen, which means going BEYOND what hilchos yichud requires. No shmoozing in the car for long periods, even if you're parked on a street somewhere, etc.

It's tough, but if you're serious about not touching, it's the only way.

But if you keep telling each other how much you want to and how hard it is, and allowing yourselves to be somewhere where its possible, all the logic in the world wont stand up to desire. Ein apitropis laroyos, you can't plan for pure willpower to win out against lust, it's planning to fail.

Was reading this post from a while back.. I can personally say that this is, as emes as it can be in my personal experience! Wow! Opened my eyes a lot. 
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 02 Mar 2022 19:03 #378062

Read through this whole thread! Your a Very good writer! Very inspiring! Shows everyone that things can get better and life has its ups n downs! So nobody panic during hard times cuz we see it keeps on passing:) 
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 03 Mar 2022 01:50 #378081

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Mar 2022 03:59:
I've been reading a book called The One Minute Masmid. It strikes a chord with me. I'm wondering if anyone is familiar with it. 

Was intrigued by the books title so I looked it up and am now reading it. Thanks for the recommendation!
I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 03 Mar 2022 13:52 #378097

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Mar 2022 03:59:
Hi everybody. The trip to my Rebbi didn't produce any major insight. He basically said to look for a different Kollel. I was very disappointed. I spoke to my therapist later and he helped me realize that not every situation has a straightforward answer. I was unfairly putting the responsibility on my Rebbi to come through with a brilliant solution to my problems. Not exactly how life works. Anyways, I dropped my current Chavrusa. I'm going to start learning with my Rosh Kollel for an hour and then do a side Limud. I've been reading a book called The One Minute Masmid. It strikes a chord with me. I'm wondering if anyone is familiar with it. 

I read it and enjoyed it. Took some ideas and applied it to my own learning. Now I learn up all pages of related gemara 3x gemara rashi before delving into anything. It gives me clarity on the basics that are going on before anything confusing is added it. Plus I pick up on what each rashi is coming to do (focusing on which words in middle of rashi actually came directly from the gemara and are the same words the gemara used is very key for this, because you can see exactly what rashi added). Then the tosfos and anything beyond slots in very nicely in place. Also I don't keep forgetting and needing to rework through the cheshbon.

That's just one applied takeaway that I gained from this book. I enjoyed it a lot.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 03 Mar 2022 18:22 #378106

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Mar 2022 03:59:
It strikes a chord with me. I'm wondering if anyone is familiar with it. 

Something that strikes a chord with you catches your attention because something about it corresponds to somethin' in yourself. The metaphor refers to a chord played on a piano, with one note in yourself harmonizin' nicely with a note in that which you are experiencin' to create a pleasin' chord.

The objects being struck are piano strings, not cords. Thank God!

However, a guitar plays chords when someone strums its strings — also known as cords. Vocal cords are bands of muscle tissue; they are literal cords in your body, but you use them to sing. This musical connection causes many people to mistakenly write "vocal chords," which is incorrect. So, those cords are in fact cords.

Yesterday mornin', durin' a passionate moment with my wife, I whispered in her ear (in French): Et ce monde, en la femme, fait vibrer quelque chose d'intime. She responded (in English): Yes, Cords, it is music to my ears.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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Re: Mental Health and Marriage 04 Mar 2022 05:43 #378116

  • wilnevergiveup
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cordnoy wrote on 03 Mar 2022 18:22:

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Mar 2022 03:59:
It strikes a chord with me. I'm wondering if anyone is familiar with it. 

Something that strikes a chord with you catches your attention because something about it corresponds to somethin' in yourself. The metaphor refers to a chord played on a piano, with one note in yourself harmonizin' nicely with a note in that which you are experiencin' to create a pleasin' chord.

The objects being struck are piano strings, not cords. Thank God!

However, a guitar plays chords when someone strums its strings — also known as cords. Vocal cords are bands of muscle tissue; they are literal cords in your body, but you use them to sing. This musical connection causes many people to mistakenly write "vocal chords," which is incorrect. So, those cords are in fact cords.

Yesterday mornin', durin' a passionate moment with my wife, I whispered in her ear (in French): Et ce monde, en la femme, fait vibrer quelque chose d'intime. She responded (in English): Yes, Cords, it is music to my ears.


You should get paid for this, they didn't teach us any of this in school!
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 04 Mar 2022 12:28 #378124

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 04 Mar 2022 05:43:

cordnoy wrote on 03 Mar 2022 18:22:

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Mar 2022 03:59:
It strikes a chord with me. I'm wondering if anyone is familiar with it. 

Something that strikes a chord with you catches your attention because something about it corresponds to somethin' in yourself. The metaphor refers to a chord played on a piano, with one note in yourself harmonizin' nicely with a note in that which you are experiencin' to create a pleasin' chord.

The objects being struck are piano strings, not cords. Thank God!

However, a guitar plays chords when someone strums its strings — also known as cords. Vocal cords are bands of muscle tissue; they are literal cords in your body, but you use them to sing. This musical connection causes many people to mistakenly write "vocal chords," which is incorrect. So, those cords are in fact cords.

Yesterday mornin', durin' a passionate moment with my wife, I whispered in her ear (in French): Et ce monde, en la femme, fait vibrer quelque chose d'intime. She responded (in English): Yes, Cords, it is music to my ears.


You should get paid for this, they didn't teach us any of this in school!

You didn't learn French in school?
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 05 Mar 2022 18:19 #378146

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cordnoy wrote on 04 Mar 2022 12:28:

wilnevergiveup wrote on 04 Mar 2022 05:43:

cordnoy wrote on 03 Mar 2022 18:22:

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 02 Mar 2022 03:59:
It strikes a chord with me. I'm wondering if anyone is familiar with it. 

Something that strikes a chord with you catches your attention because something about it corresponds to somethin' in yourself. The metaphor refers to a chord played on a piano, with one note in yourself harmonizin' nicely with a note in that which you are experiencin' to create a pleasin' chord.

The objects being struck are piano strings, not cords. Thank God!

However, a guitar plays chords when someone strums its strings — also known as cords. Vocal cords are bands of muscle tissue; they are literal cords in your body, but you use them to sing. This musical connection causes many people to mistakenly write "vocal chords," which is incorrect. So, those cords are in fact cords.

Yesterday mornin', durin' a passionate moment with my wife, I whispered in her ear (in French): Et ce monde, en la femme, fait vibrer quelque chose d'intime. She responded (in English): Yes, Cords, it is music to my ears.


You should get paid for this, they didn't teach us any of this in school!

You didn't learn French in school?

Probably no one under 30 has. It's useless today. Spanish, on the other hand, is probably useful, but no Lakewood schools teach 4th languages (English, Yiddish, Hebrew are the first three)
Off the forum for now.
My Thread (Not for inspiration, but for random bits and pieces of my journey, as well as the inspiring responses of others: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/375514-Enough-is-Enough
jackthejewgye@gmail.com
There are tips, tools, and techniques, but there are no shortcuts.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! ~ Groucho Marx
Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.-Voltaire
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Re: Mental Health and Marriage 06 Mar 2022 03:33 #378167

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When I try talkin' to my wife in French, it usually comes out wrong.
I tried sayin' je t’aime, but it somehow came out je te deteste..
I'll stick to English.
Or Lithuanian.
img

ה׳ עמך גבור החיל! [שופטים ו׳ יב׳]

 Perhaps you can find chizuk from my thread at guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/356161-Intro 

Feel free to reach out to me at
jackz90dys@gmail.com

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 06 Mar 2022 14:18 #378176

  • wilnevergiveup
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Ish MiGrodno wrote on 06 Mar 2022 03:33:
...
I'll stick to English.
Or Lithuanian.
img

Nein! nein! nien!!! Mir tor nit reden dem goyishe shprach!!! 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 07 Mar 2022 04:06 #378229

Hi everybody. @ cordnoy, I'm not really sure what the point of your previous post was, can you please elaborate? 

The Kollel situation is still rough. I'm not sure if it's worth it to stay at this point. I am miserable to the point that I don't want to get up in the morning. I think the only thing holding me back from tapping out is a lack of clarity as to what the next step is. I don't want to leave yet, but I don't see another path. 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 07 Mar 2022 09:06 #378233

  • wilnevergiveup
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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 07 Mar 2022 04:06:
Hi everybody. @ cordnoy, I'm not really sure what the point of your previous post was, can you please elaborate? 

I think that speling and gramer is a pet peve of Cordnoys, I don't think there were any hidden pearls of wisdom. 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 08 Mar 2022 04:55 #378270

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 07 Mar 2022 04:06:

The Kollel situation is still rough. I'm not sure if it's worth it to stay at this point. I am miserable to the point that I don't want to get up in the morning. I think the only thing holding me back from tapping out is a lack of clarity as to what the next step is. I don't want to leave yet, but I don't see another path. 

Sorry to hear that you're in such a rough situation. I just looked through your thread - not all, but a number of posts - you are an incredibly articulate, self-aware, honest individual. You know your strengths and weaknesses and aren't afraid to seek advice. You're an inspiration to so many here, through your story and the Chizuk you give. 
Given that, I wonder if there's something else that you're aware of going on - and that's why you're not too satisfied with your Rebbi's answer or ready to move out. Maybe talk it over with someone else, (friend, another Rebbe, therapist - whomever - as a sounding board) and see if you can get more clarity.

Hatzlocha with everything!
אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי
אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו לא יכול לו
זרע אברהם אוהבי
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