hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 08 Mar 2021 17:38:

Every time you hold yourself back from doing an aveirah, you are bringing light into the world that is many times greater than the damage caused by your sins...
Keep strong!

I want to take a small initiative of keeping clean until my next date. We are going out Wednesday night. I could really use some clarity so hopefully in this merit Hashem will open my eyes.

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 08 Mar 2021 20:07:

Great goal!  ODAAT!

I stayed clean until today! Onto bigger streaks!

Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I last posted. In life, certain trying circumstances have come up. I am extremely anxious and tense, and I'm constantly doubting my decisions. My Kedusha has suffered a lot as a result. 

Push through!

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 09 Apr 2021 19:01:

I'm sorry to hear that. In general I find talking those stressful out with a listening ear (especially a therapist) is really helpful.

Hey everyone. The title of my thread is Mental health and Marriage. These are two areas that I was hoping to improve by keeping myself clean. These past few months have been difficult. I had a few small streaks, but for the most part, I've been masturbating often. The one thing that I can say that I've improved in tremendously is pornography. Since October 12th I only slipped up over one weekend. And I believe that it has brought me incredible blessing. Just a short time I was so hopeless. My anxiety and low self-image were eating me up. I remember one of the first times I spoke to the Holy Ish MiGrodno. I told him that I don't want to wake up the next morning. I really meant it. Since then the quality of my life has gotten so much better. I still struggle, but I face my challenges head on, and I really love living. The anxiety and obsessive thoughts aren't leaving anytime soon, but I'm learning to live with them. Also, I very recently received an incredible gift from Hashem. I got engaged to an amazing girl. I wasn't sure if I should post about it, But HHM told me to share it. When I was dating it was very hard to see others get engaged, while I felt doomed to eternal singlehood. I felt that my mental health issues and family background would forever hold me back from finding someone to spend my life with. I have to go to minchah but I'll continue to post soon.

Mazel tov!! I'm so happy to hear!! Forsure you should post, it's not fair to only post when dates go wrong etc and not post the good news....
May you be zoicha to build a bayis Neeman beyisroel, and only know of simches!

Mazal Tov!

So as I was saying, it was very hard to imagine that this day would come. To anyone wondering when they will find their someone, please try to stay hopeful. My situation seemed impossible to escape, and Hashem granted me a huge redemption. 

It is amazing to be engaged, and I'm so grateful to be at this stage in life, but there are many challenges for me on a very personal level. I was always terrified of getting married. My mind would always jump to the worst case scenario of what could happen. These fears coupled with having a girl in my life have made it very hard to stay clean. I had a long conversation with the Holy and Exalted Ish MiGrodno and he told me that marriage is an exercise in discipline. It seems that being a good husband and being there for your wife even during times when she is forbidden is not so simple. He then hurled some tough accusations at me. "You're not trying hard enough. You're not serious about changing. You have a defeatist attitude." Ouch. I appreciate his honesty though, and I know that he's doing this for my own good. He asked me to harness the power of GYE by posting and asking for feedback from the boys. So here goes. Ultimately, I would like to stay clean until my wedding. But to start off, I'm going to make a mini-goal of staying clean until Thursday. Honestly, for some reason, I love getting posts and views on my thread. It feels amazing to know that people are following my journey. So let's use that Yetzer Hara for the good. I'm going to make on effort to post my struggles, as well as my successes and wins on the forum. I'm asking you guys to make a big deal. Make some noise. Drink a L'chaim. And keep those posts coming in! Thank you everyone!

Wow! Great news!
Thank you for sharing it with us.... MAZEL TOV!

Keep up the good work and looking forward to you updating.

Wishing you much success on this very exciting milestone in your life and I hope all goes smoothly.

(Small reminder....keep it at one day at a time!)

I'm starting off with a lechaim for the shidduch... I'm seriously happy for you! 
L'chaim!
P.S. I'm always in for l'chaims, just send in any darn reason I'll be there.... 

hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 13 Apr 2021 01:03:

I think we all like that too lol

Mazal tov!
May you build a bayis neeman byisroel and have a good healthy marriage!