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Diary and thoughts

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TOPIC: Diary and thoughts 9046 Views

Re: Diary and thoughts 26 Jun 2020 18:32 #351869

battle-of-the-gen
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Captain wrote on 26 Jun 2020 17:07:

Hey battle-of-the-gen, have you ever read The Battle of the Generation (guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation)? It's my favorite book on this topic. It has a glowing haskama from Rabbi Shafier.

Ha lol, where do you think I got the name from... Happens to be I havent made it thru the whole book, but I read a nice chunk of it. Some good stuff.
BTW if its easier for anyone u can call me BOG.

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 26 Jun 2020 18:47 #351870

battle-of-the-gen
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Long erev Shabbos, bzh gonna be productive and clean.
Everyone have the most amazing, geshmak, fulfilling shabbos! Remember the "amazing" feeling we get from porn and masturbating(and guilt thereafter) can be replaced with the Kedusha of shabbos. Spend quality time with family, friends, and develop relationships that are meaningful(which can end up being another reason why you wanna stop jerking off) without the bother of technology. Sing some hartzig zemiros. Feel the warmth. And dont forget to learn a bit.
Next tool is Tool #13 Talk to the Experts
This is one is written pretty succinctly and well in the HB Im just gonna copy and paste it

If we are at a loss on how to continue our journey, or if we feel that all the steps we've taken until today still don't seem to do the trick for us, we can pick up the phone and call the GYE Expert Hotline to discuss our addiction with someone who understands us and can give us advice on how to proceed. This can be either a therapist who is trained in these areas, or someone with personal experience and long-term sobriety. Alternatively, you can also send an e-mail to the GYE E-Mail Helpline to get expert advice.

In general, the experts on our hotline and e-mail helpline have worked with the 12-Step program in face-to-face groups and they are the most suited and experienced people to guide us on our journey by sharing with us what worked for them and what didn't work for them. They can also provide us with much insight into the nature of this addiction, so we can learn to recognize what we are going through and discover the proper perspective on how to deal with it. Another benefit of contacting someone personally is that the advice they give us will be more tailored to our specific situation.

The GYE Hotline & E-Mail Helpline are also ideal for mechanchim and parents, as well as for anyone who struggles in these areas, to get basic guidance on how to get started.

GYE Hotline: 646-600-8100
GYE E-Mail Helpline: help@guardyoureyes.com

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 26 Jun 2020 22:12 #351876

Captain
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Great! When you're done you should compile all the summaries into one long post, and maybe GYE can turn it into a pdf file and put it for download on its ebook page

In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Diary and thoughts 28 Jun 2020 06:00 #351885

battle-of-the-gen
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Good voch everyone! BH it was a great clean shabbos and bzh it will be a great week.
@Captain Maybe, idk if my posts are that good but we'll see.

Tool #14 is Helping Others
A really helpful way to make your struggle easier is to help others. Sounds funny, but its so true. When your working on yourself and reading chizuk and methods, the growth is happening, but its kinda within youself. When you start going and helping others your doubleing down and reinstating all the yesdoes that you taught yourself. It kinda gives you this sense of responsibility that Im really working on this and if I wanna be a chizuk and help others I have to stay clean myself. It turns a "self-serving" journey into one of thinking of others, which in turns helps you(more than it helps the other guy).
There are so many ways to help out. On GYE if your still struggling become a partner with someone else; if you had some success become a sponsor. Go through forums, provide chizuk, answer questions, and say what worked for you.
Within your own circles try to reach out to a relatives or friends that is struggling in the inyan and help out a bit.
Midah keneged Midah, if Hashem sees us helping out others in this inyan, cant imagine the siyata dishmaya hes gonna give us in our jouney.

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Last Edit: 28 Jun 2020 06:01 by battle-of-the-gen.

Re: Diary and thoughts 28 Jun 2020 19:03 #351904

Captain
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I think they're that good. And it would be great to have a summary of the strategies all in one pdf. I think it would be very popular

Re: Diary and thoughts 29 Jun 2020 04:20 #351928

battle-of-the-gen
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BH another clean day.
Its very important to recognize how much value this battle is worth(notice my name, battle of the GEN!).
That means every win is tremendous. Every day clean is so so precious in our Fathers eyes and he loves how much we are sacrificing to build a relationship with him.
We have to thank him for giving us the opportunity to achieve such a heights, and when we go clean, even for a day, thank him for giving us the koach to do so.

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 29 Jun 2020 06:21 #351932

wilnevergiveup
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battle-of-the-gen wrote on 29 Jun 2020 04:20:

You mentioned that "we are sacrificing in order to build a relationship with him", can you expound on that a little. How do we build a relationship with Hashem, and specifically how does this struggle help build that relationship? What does a relationship with Hashem even mean?

Keep it up, this thread is a great chizzuk!

Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Diary and thoughts 30 Jun 2020 03:46 #351986

battle-of-the-gen
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 29 Jun 2020 06:21:

Im not married so I havent really expirenced whats its like to have such a intimate relationship with someone yet. BH I do have great relationships with my parents, siblings, and many friends. My understanding of developing and investing in a relationship(and its extremely highlighted and magnified in husband-wife relationship) is although certain things are annoying/hard to do or certain things feel good to you but are annoying for the other party, for the greater good of the relationship your willing to give it up. That GUFA creates a bond of love and connection. That mesiras nefesh(whether recognized or not, but especially when recognized) shows a person how much you care for them, how close you wanna be to them, and how much you value the relationship.
So making a relationship with Hashem is a very very abstract and hard concept to tune into and understand, but at the minimal I could see how I can build a relationship with a person and use that and try to build something with Hashem.
I can really think and even say out loud(Ive done this) Jerking off/mast feels good; going through social media sites is something I enjoy and got used to; (or anything that you usually do that leads to triggers)- But Abba/tatty I want to be a better person and build something with you. Im going to stop and sacrifice that great feeling from porn/usual past-time for You. And with the sacrifice hopefully I can build some bond with Hashem(and the relationship may feel a bit tangible).
[Many leshonos the chovos halevovos uses to describe the love that we should have for Hashem and the love he has for us are along these lines].
Thats what I was referring, let me know if you think otherwise.

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Last Edit: 30 Jun 2020 03:49 by battle-of-the-gen.

Re: Diary and thoughts 30 Jun 2020 11:13 #351995

wilnevergiveup
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So basically we develop a relationship with Hashem because we constantly sacrifice for him (give just for the sake of doing his will). We want to sacrifice for him because we want to develop that relationship. We want the relationship because we know that Hashem gives us everything and are so grateful/ indebted to him that we want to do his will, and this is only because we see Hashem clearly in our lives.

This is the train of thought that I usually follow, but really hard to make it real in my life... Still got to work on myself I guess....

Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Diary and thoughts 30 Jun 2020 17:00 #352008

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Hashem wants to relate to us in some small way as equals, if it could be. Hashem wants us to have a relationship with Him that transcends the relationship of a slave to a master and even of a son to a father; He wants to relate to us as much as possible with the relationship of a Creator to another creator, if it could be. He wants us to be “like Him” on some level, because that is the most pleasurable experience we can feel.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @ ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Diary and thoughts 30 Jun 2020 17:52 #352012

battle-of-the-gen
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 30 Jun 2020 11:13:

To use it as the primary motivating reason to stop is very tricky and something I dont use myself. Too abstract and the yetzer is (at least mine is) too strong for such a theoretical concept.
The way I do use it is once Ive used other motivators and already started beating the yetzer(Ive stoped for 40 days and youve stopped for 72) you can look back and say Look Hashem, this was for you(cause it really was; ella mai we cant use that reason to get us started bec its too abstract, but deep down thats one of the big reasons). Once youve done the sacrifice(stopped for that long or gave up the social media) you can say that that was a investment to build a relationship with Hashem.
But bessem Im maskim that before youve won a little its a hard train of thought to keep up with.

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Last Edit: 30 Jun 2020 17:54 by battle-of-the-gen.

Re: Diary and thoughts 02 Jul 2020 04:33 #352111

battle-of-the-gen
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BH another clean day. 6 weeks clean! Woho!
The next tool is the GYE handbook(Tool #15) is the 12 step anonymous phone conference
This is a long tool so I don't know if I'll cover everything but Ill try to get the basic idea across. The tool is meant for someone who is struggling on a higher level(as we go higher in the tools they are for more intense struggles). The idea of 12 steps came from a group of people that tired everything to stop their addiction to alcohol until they came to this idea, and bam it worked. So this accomplished what many many other methods couldn't. Since then basically every addiction has a "12 steps program". Its most effective when worked on with a group and a sponsor.
Here is a summary of the 12 steps qouted from the GYE HB

1. We admitted that we were powerless over *lust* - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.

11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to others with similar problems, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

GYE provides many anonymous 12 step phone conferences where we can work with other yidden and experienced sponsors to break free from porn. Rabbi A Twerski recommends people try the phone conferences before going to a live in person one.
In my opinion, from the summary, it sounds like some heavy mussar behispalios and cheshbon hanefesh.
To be continued...

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Last Edit: 02 Jul 2020 04:34 by battle-of-the-gen.

Re: Diary and thoughts 02 Jul 2020 17:38 #352124

davidt OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1799	One of the main underlying concepts of the 12 step program is that addiction is a preexisting condition. The acting out is just a symptom of underlying spiritual defects. The goal is to identify the underlying defects and work to fix them up so the addiction will get under control.
	"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?" feel free to reach out @ ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Diary and thoughts 05 Jul 2020 06:20 #352211

battle-of-the-gen
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45 days! Halfway point! BH going good so far. Days are a great chizuk and a great siman of where Im holding at but even without the days, I really feel good about myself rn. I feel like Ive gotten a solid plan worked out, have great people I can reach out to and a solid chance at staying clean. Obviously the yetzer has countless amount of tricks up his sleeve and hes always gonna look for a way in, but BH now anytime I do have an urge to watch porn or masturbate its substantially less fierce and with my mindset and gedarim in place, easy to overcome. Hopefully Hashem will continue to grant me strength and the ability to continue fighting and overcoming the yetzer in this struggle. BZH we should all be matzliach and remember its a battle worth fighting. Its such an amazing feeling being in control and clean.

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.

Re: Diary and thoughts 08 Jul 2020 03:39 #352330

battle-of-the-gen
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BH clean couple pf days. Just a bit busy so cant post too often. Bli neder I will try to get a HB piece up sometime this week.
Just as a side note, BH I am zoche to be in a yeshiva upstate, and one of the tremendous perks is the shelter it creates for shmiras eiynaim. Kind of like a bubble. Today I had to go to Walmart and BAM. Hashem yishmor veyatzil. I was so shocked and it was kind of a burst of my bubble(I wasnt really thinking about shmiras eiynayim when I first got there, bec I think last time when I went it wasnt so bad) Unbelievable how people are dressed and the level of immodesty where holding at. How desensitized society has become and it for sure has an impact on so many yidden. I, for say, probably wouldn't of had such a shock if it wasnt for my bubble I was in.
BH I realized right away in the parking lot, so I had my game face on and trucked through it, but just by side glances I can tell how bad it was.
So just a reminder to the oilam to rethink when going out and if you need to be so so careful when headed anywhere, even Walmart.
Hatzlacha!

"You will never be entirely comfortable. This is the truth behind the champion – he is always fighting something. To do otherwise is to settle."
Battle on, and I always take advice.