battle-of-the-gen wrote on 05 Jun 2020 20:58:

Amen, and thanks for the reminder... I wasn't rally in Shabbos mode. 

BH shabbos was geshmak and clean. Good zmerios and torah.
Just walking around on shabbos made me remember how strong the yetzer is to just "enjoy the view" (esp in the summer). BH no major gazing or urges, but its an area that needs contant chizuk. Cant just be left to the side bec then u get a glance here and there, then its more than a glance, then the more you feed the beast the more it wants, and who knows where thatll go. So note to self, be more careful. And work on eitzos for shmiras eiynaim in the street.

Continuing in HB tool #7 Making Fences
The idea of making fences needs a lot more att during changing times. Meaning bein hazmanim or a new place your going. Sit down and fig out what ur sched is gonna be like and make fences. The more time your at home the more you can get worn down and the battle is harder. So plan ahead and make fences. Identify weaknesses and plan around them.
Tool #8 in HB: Cutting Down
If its getting really hard to break off totally, then do it slowly. When you look at a mountain, its hard to climb it all at once, but when you slowly start chipping piece by piece, it comes manageable, till by the time you realized your finished. 
Start by if your falling every day during week, push to be clean every other day. Or once a week; and as time goes on cut back some more etc. 
This tool uses the concept that while your still under the grasp of lust, its gonna keep getting hungrier, but if you hold back, even a little, then it gets a little satiated.
2 MAJOR chizuk points for this tool
1) All you need to do is try bec hashem is waiting for you. He wants so bad for you to put that effort in, no matter how small it is, and he'll help you go so much further
2) EVERY second(or day) that youl hold off is BANK. Even though you may still be caught up in it the rest of the week, its not all or nothing. As long as the goal long term is to get rid of it totally, your small steps now are huge.

Another thing I'd like to add thats not in HB is keeping charts on your cleanliness is also beneficial. Bec it gives you the opportunity to look back and say "wow look at what i accomplished" from every day to twice a week. Wow. Or when your on a bad roll to see what your capable of. You can take a look back at previous months and say, see I was able to hold off for a week or a month, I can still do that now. 

And just totally random sidepoint. I found when I really started davening hard about this inyan, I stated calling Hashem, Abba. Helped me beg harder. Made it more personal and relationship based. 

18 days clean. חי. BH. Getting a random bursts of thoughts in my brain to just drop the whole thing, but they fizzle out quickly(couple seconds). But its scary bec in those moments its like Im back at the beginning. Part of the issue is bec im studying all day so that means im online all day and my breaks are surfing the web(clean stuff) but sometimes even the clean sites have some triggers. So I have to be more careful.
Tool #9- 90 day journey 
​A lot of studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive behavior(also sources in chazal) . So if your struggling in mast/porn, it could be you just got so used to it that you cant live without it. The 90 day journey can make it easier to fight in the future. Kind of like a sale, put 90 days in now and get a lifetime of easier struggles, and lord knows we want easier struggles.
90 days isnt easy though. Esp to someone who cant imagine more than a week or a couple days clean. Takes mental fortitude and planing. It need chizuk and a support system. Takes the right mentality of 1 day at a time. IDK whats going to happen tom and I dont CARE whats going to happen tom, but today I gotta fight my tuchus off. So start a thread, and shmuzz with chaveriem and get those engines revved.
Key motivating factor is how hard it may be the rest of your life if you dont do these 90 days. "better 90 days than 90 years" 
For me its just keeps coming back to the scary thought of being so stuck in porn/mast that it'll cont into marriage.
The thought of my future eishis chayil just walking in and seeing me. Chills. How much life can be torn apart.
And even if your never caught, how can you get so much pleasure from other women(albeit its virtual) thats not your wife. Shes(your wife) is supposed to be your life partner. How can I do this to her.
Just rambaling and chazering for myself. 

You are awesome. I love your style, depth, understanding and thought process.

Keep this going I am sure you are giving many people besides for me a lot of chizuk.

Thank you!

All the best,
Wilnevergiveup

wilnevergiveup wrote on 08 Jun 2020 14:26:

Thank you! Feels good that I can help other ppl while I'm helping myself.
I just read thru your thread, and its a chizuk how your working on the inyan and not backing down to the yetzer. Really inspirational. 
Also some of the questions you have regarding whether you should reveal to your wife really scares me. Scares me in a good way. Like I dont want to have such shailos when I get married and its really pushing me to get on it while Im still single (sorry if it makes you feel bad). Im uncertain and nervous but depending on where Im holding at when I get engaged/married it will be a decision then if Im revealing and what. But def would be a diff q if Im clean then if Im still stuck with the habit.

BH another clean day. Busy day of studying for finals. 

Just have to mention some growth Ive been able to see. In the past when Id study for tests/finals, to cool off some steam and as a break I would watch porn/mast(Im sure many college students can relate). But BH this time around Im going strong, no urges or desires to do it, and Ive found productive ways of taking breaks and cooling down. Like shooting around for 15-20 mins, shumzing with friends, watching funny vids, and stam spending time with my family. Feels great and no guilt attached. 
Just a reminder, Id love to hear feedback, thoughts, and tips, stam or on the piece from the HB(How I can improve)

Since its late, Im going to do a short piece 
Tool #10 in HB is the legendary TaPhSiC Method
(side note seems like the deeper we go on thru the tools, the more they are geared for ppl struggling with higher levels of desire)
TaPhSiC stands for The Physical and Spiritual Combo
For people who have come to the realization that their stam yiras shmayim isnt going to cut it. Theyve tried fighting this beast knowing so much harm it does, and still cant stop.
To quote the HB itself


(Doesnt mean we have no yiras shmayim, just the yetzer is so strong and its hard)
TBC...

battle-of-the-gen wrote on 09 Jun 2020 05:20:

I never actually read through the whole HB but wow, that's a lot of dirty laundry...

wilnevergiveup wrote on 09 Jun 2020 06:40:

Ye its a little scary when they put it like that. Comes to show how powerful the yetzer is(everyones) and we can NEVER underestimate him.

BH another good day; Busy day studying
Short piece again cause I have to study
The TaPhSIC method
We saw yesterday general spiritual reasons we cant stop me bec OUR(not mine specifically) yetzer is so strong. 
The HB goes diff set of reasons that should stop us but apparently aren't(heads up some pretty harsh stuff coming up so Ill add the spoiler feature)  
To quote the HB:
What will stop us? Stay tuned for that and much more.....

battle-of-the-gen wrote on 10 Jun 2020 03:40:

Even though you ket this one a bit more secret, actually I identify and feel a bit more courage looking at this list than the other one... especially the top of it. The other one is all about how in the future Im pretty much gonna be in gehenom, the first part of this one at least just tells me what I will feel like after.. these are real tangible realities that I have been able to experience, and even though they may not stop me... I myself can idetify with them more because I've seen and experienced them to be true in front of my own eyes.

yosef10 wrote on 11 Jun 2020 02:26:

Yes I agree. The other list is a lot more idealistic, something that were supposed to think about and feel but SO hard to. 
The short term stuff I think most people can relate to. Although its so sad when they put it out like that.
The long term stuff in this list also seems a little extreme but its probably true, which just puts the fire under us to get moving.

BH it was LONG day(not in a bad way, just college finals) BH 3 weeks in the books. Been seeing siyata dishmya in other areas of my life. In iyun, Ive been more on the point and BH so far college finals went very well. I daven that I can continue to fight and overcome this battle.
Its funny(and interesting) , theres for sure the siyta dishmaya of not JOing/watching porn, but also just practically, Im more aware, getting better sleep and less jumpy so meimla(by default) Im able to focus better on other areas(kind of like the  R Yisreol on when ur struggling on a inyan, learn the inyan bec A-theres siyata dishmaya stam from learning and B- the mind is reading about and trying to work on a inayan so meimala it helps u improve in the inyan... I think its a R yisrael)
Too tired to do a piece from the HB bzh in the morning.