They say from one of the talmidei Baal Shem, that everyone needs two pockets, and in each pocket, a paper with a specific ma'amar. On one it should say "V'anochi afar v'eifer". In the second it should say "Bishvili nivra ha'olam". When one is feeling urges to do aveiros, look at the first. When one is tzebrochen and is beating himself up, look at the second. They are both true and not contradictory. If one's goal is to become closer to Hashem, at different times/situations, different strategies/mindsets are needed. We just can't look at both ma'amorim at the same time.....

Maybe we can say that similarly, a fellow who has reached a milestone - be it 90, or whatever goal one chose, and is now challenged or relapsed, he should also have two pockets. In one it should say "I am a guy who broke free - I did it once and therefore b'ezras Hashem can do it again and stay clean". In the other it should say "I have work to do. This is a lifetime challenge. I can't let down my guard". At the appropriate moments, the correct script is read.

Continued hatzlocha!

Hey there chashuva oilam.
Unfortunately I’ve been off my game for a while and I’ve been struggling to get back into the battle. So any chizuk, tips, or Stam warmth would be appreciated. 

As a side note, for whatever reason it may be I can’t bring myself to open up to anyone that I’m close with about my problem with porn and masturbation. Bh I have rebbiem and friends that I’m close that would most probably be understanding and help and guide me, but I just can’t bring myself to open up(not 100% what it is but it’s most prob that I think they’ll think less of me but that’s a diff discussion for another time). What I’m getting at is that it weighs on me, the fact that I’m struggling and working hard on something and failing and I can’t even talk about it with the people that I grow and shtieg with. 
It sounds like the simple solution is to just tell them but I just can’t bring myself just yet. 
Its just frustrating a bit to see people accomplishing things. What I mean is that I’m in yeshiva so I see ppl striving and growing in iyun and knowing Halacha and finishing seforim and additional sedorim, while I’m stuck here battling this behind the scenes battle which A) I’m failing in and B ) causing me to lose out on all those accomplishments that I could be having. (they def have there own nisyonos but my porn nisyaon vs there learning 2 hr vs 3 hr is hard for me to swallow). Bh I am accomplishing but not nearly what I know I’m capable of which is adds on to what frustrates me. 
thanks for listening and afrelachin chanuka  

Wow, I remember that stuck feeling. Even though I knew that I was not the only person in the world anymore (cuz of GYE, and because I realized that all those jokes in Yeshiva weren't actually jokes) I still felt very isolated in Yeshiva.

If there is a Rebbe that you are open with, you can try "testing the waters" by bringing up the subject in a theoretical way. Like "how many married guys do you think struggle with watching bad things online"? Or "how do you deal with guys who are having a really hard time breaking an old abbit that is really affecting them"? Or point blank, "have you ever dealt with guys who struggle with p&m (or shmiras einayim and zera l'vatalah)"?

You don't have to start a conversation with "Hi, I watch porn", you can start with a generic, "I am having a hard time".   

Another thing you can do is open up to a therapist, I found that my therapist to be a huge step in my ongoing recovery.

wilnevergiveup wrote on 02 Dec 2021 06:15:

I hear, but as I mentioned for some reason I just don’t have the guts yet but definitely gonna have to think about it one of these day. 

Another funny but sad part about my situation is that I usually have pretty good filters and restrictions set that I shouldn’t have so much access to the internet which limits my capability of going on gye. But somehow(the trickster the yetzer hara is) I can get around my filter situation for porn but by the time all my filters are back up I’m restricted from gye. 

battle-of-the-gen wrote on 01 Dec 2021 20:50:

Before gye i felt  similar...i just kept pushing it off for whatever reason. 
Telling myself ita not that bad...it would be  embarrassing...noone would understand ect ect
essentialy i bottled myself up until i realized the pressure was too much to bare...

I wish i would have opened up to a rabbi or mashpia way earlier then i have.

Update 
I've been clan for over 7 weeks now! bh bh 
Rabosi never stop fighting. Ever.

battle-of-the-gen wrote on 22 Feb 2022 18:45:

Amazing!
It's like counting the Omer... to reach the 50th gate of kedusha ... and beyond.

Hi, 
Anyone listened to the fight series from R Shaifer, and if they did what they thought about it?