holy Yidden, I had an old account on this site, hadn't posted in several months, and made this new one. A fresh start.

I've been clean from being motzi zera since Yud Cheshvan, which puts me at over a month and a week free from this aveira. Every day I refrain I feel like I've made my Father proud and become closer to Him.

Last night, I was thinking improper thoughts in a dream and then in my sleeping state I felt like I was about to have a nocturnal emission, it was mamash about to happen... but you know what??? ---> I was able to force myself to wake up in the NICK OF TIME and I wasn't motzee!!!! Has this ever happened to anyone else? It was bizarre and wonderful and I surprised myself. Does this mean we do have some bechira in our sleep?  Either way I felt like Hashem gave me this unnatural strength to awaken myself as a reward for my efforts the last five weeks and that He was smiling on me.

WOW, look at that it just goes to prove (not that it is needed) that although you sleep your father in heaven (the Shwekey “Tatte” song happens to be playing as we speak on Jewish Broadcast. Com)  is never asleep. This afternoon when you daven Mincha have some extra kavana at Modem.

Hey Lamplighter,

Welcome back we missed you. I can can completeyl relate to what happened to you. One night i had a nocturnal wmission and I was down cause of it (even though theres absolutely no reason to be). And the next night i woke up before it happened and it made me so happy that i was able to fight offthe yetzer in my sleep!! Just remember that its Hashem who gave you the strenth to do that.


-Yiddle

Ive had these expeirences before. Its important to thank the one above for allowing us to make it just in time.

Hi Lamplighter,

Welcome to our community!

Our dreams reflect our thoughts by day. If we are training ourselves not to "give in" during our real life, then it makes sense that in our dreams too, we will stop ourselves before it happens. This is a very good sign. It shows that your "real life" progress is having a true effect on even your subconscious state.

Keep up the good work!

P.S. Have you seen our handbooks?

Dear Lamplighter,

Welcome to our community! Why don’t you take off your coat, get comfortable, and stay a while! I’m glad you’re back!

If you’d feel comfortable opening up and sharing, I can assure you that this is the greatest step you can make towards recovery! So go ahead, pull out your keyboard, and get writing!

As long as you’re here, we'll be standing by your side, fighting alongside you! And let me tell you: there aint no turning back!

I’ll be available for most hours of the day, so you can send me a shout-out anytime, right here on the site, or via email at: Tomim2B@gmail.com.

I wish you much success and blessing in your journey, and may we soon see the brilliant light that you’re about to bring into the world!

With love,
2B

guardureyes wrote on 08 Dec 2009 22:28:


And what a great feeling!!

Thank you all for the warm responses.

And thanks Tomim for reaching out, letting me know you're here and available . Amen to the brachos.

Today's aliyah in the parsha, r'vee'ee for Wednesday, is talking to US! It deals with Yehuda's sons who were killed for wasting seed and is the source brought down in Shulchan-Aruch for this aveira! We should always try to see Torah being given to us "hayom", TODAY, afresh. This absolutely applies to today's aliyah for our holy group! As we go through these psukim of today's aliya let's redouble our efforts to commit to not wasting seed, taking it to heart.

For me, sometimes the pressure was so great that I felt that it was a relief. Dunno if thats ok or not, but I guess the truth is that its because I'm not censoring my thoughts enough. If I did, I  wouldn't feel so much pressure for a release. I seem to notice that it happens around the 30 day mark.

Welcome Lamplighter.

Thanks for posting again.

Keep it up!

  --Eye.

BecomeHoly wrote on 10 Dec 2009 09:26:


BecomeHoly, do I understand you right in that you mean you felt relief if you had a nocturnal emission? Perhaps I'm mistaken, but I would say that relief isn't entirely inappropriate. By that I mean that if your alternative means actually doing it deliberately while awake, then yes, a nocturnal emission is far, far better, and a 'relief' in that sense.

Of course ultimately we are supposed to control our thoughts in the day so they don't even lead to this at night while sleeping.... may we all get there soon.