I dont know why, but reading the posts today (by  battleworn, niceguy, jack, Chasdei avos and the rest of you holy Tzadikim on this forum)  have made me cry.

literally.

I am sitting here all alone in my office and have tears of emotion running down my cheeks as I write these words.

A year ago, a week before Rosh hashana 5768,I was  sitting here all alone in my office and be doing everything that Hashem didn't want me to do. I would be sitting here thinking harmful thoughts with my mind, seeing terrible sights with my eyes, uttering despicable words in my mouth, doing horrible actions with my hands, and perhaps worst of all,I would be sharing it all with others and cause them to sin as well. I was a Jew by birth, but not acting or living as one.

Fast forward one year, to one week before Rosh Hashana 5769,and I am sitting here as a Beryah Chadash (a new person), with Hashem's help, trying to control my mind from thinking anything bad, being extremely cautious with my eyes to not allow them Chas V'Shalom to see any To'eva or Devarim Asurim, controlling my mouth from speaking any foul language and trying so hard to not speak lashon Hara etc, Baruch Hashem I am in control of my hands and havent violated my Bris Kodesh in almost 7 months. And best of all, B'Chasdei Hashem, I am doing what I can to spread the word of Hashem and help others overcome their own personal battles against their Yetzer Hara.

Thank you Hashem! I love you Hashem!

Last Rosh Hashana wheh Hashem in his infinite kindness and compassion granted me another year of life, I didnt really deserve it. I wasn't doing anything right. I wasn't davening. I wasn't learning as I should. I wasn't living my life according tothe Torah. I was only seeking to give myself physical pleasure and material satisfaction. I wasn't living the life of an Ehrlich Jew, as I knew how. It was nobody's fault but my own. I knew better, but my yetzer Hara wrongly convinced me that it wasn't in my hands. How stupid I was to fall for his foolishness.

But Hashem, who knows the deepest thoughts of every human being, knew that I had some sort of merit to keep me alive, and afford me a second chance.

I thank Hashem every day for bringing me to that crossroads in my life during the past year, and giving me a second chance. I thank Hashem publicly for giving me the strength and the foresight to  grab the bull by the horns and start the process of Teshuva Shelaima. I thank Hashem for giving me the little opening, and for guiding me every step of the way and for letting me begin living my life again as a Yid.

Hashem gives many people second (and third, and fourth etc) chances. But unfortunately many people don't take advantage of those new opportunities. I thank Hashem for helping me choose to grab that chance and utilize it!

My dear brothers and sisters who are reading these words,

Each and every one of you is here on this forum because you were deemed worthy by Hashem to get another chance!

Each and every one of you has the tools necessary and the strength needed to win your personal battles!

Each and every one of you have the Zechusim (merits) to transform yourselves from formerly stained Neshomos to sterling, pure and holy Neshoms that are worthy of the title "child of Hashem"!

Each and every one of you that is here (regardless of what stage in the personal battle you are holding) is looked upon by the Yetzer Hara as his #1 enemy.  It is people like you who have shown the resolve and the comitment to eradicate him from your lives, that scare him the most!

Each and every one of you will be amongst the elite few who will be chosen to greet Mashiach tzidkeinu very soon!

Each and every one of you will be in the front row to watch as the Yetzer Hara is slaughtered by Hashem once and for all!

Nobody (especially me) is perfect. In fact, the only "perfect" entity that exists is Hashem. Hashem has commanded us to emulate Him, not to become Him (because that is impossible). Hashem expects us simply to srtive for and work towards perfection, not necessarily to attain it.


Let's utilize the next week before Rosh Hashana and change ourselves, and more importantly, change the world!

You, me, and everyone on this forum can, and will B'Ezras Hashem, bring Moshiach THIS YEAR!!!!

Thank Hashem each and every day and utilize every opportunity that is given to you!

Kesiva V'Chasima Tova to all!!!

p.s. The tears are still welling up inside my eyes.

dear mevakesh, i'll tell you why it makes you cry, because jews caring about other jews reaches into your soul, and anything that reaches that deep, makes one cry. boy - 7 months! and they tell ME that i'm doing great! now 7 months is chizuk!!

That is strange. Because just last night I was reading out loud from the forum to my wife what everyone had written just recently, battleworn, niceguy, jack... and as I got to Chasdei Avos's post, I couldn't go on any more. I choked up and started crying and I just couldn't stop. My wife had to wait a few minutes until I was able to continue.

There is nothing in the world as beautiful as what is going on in this forum. Yidden who never met, living thousands of miles apart and yet loving each other more than they probably love the friends who they mix with every day! Like the love of fellow warriors on the battle field who know they are all in this together to the death.

There is nothing more wonderful than the weaving of these beautiful stories that Hashem has waited for so long, to watch them unfold before our very eyes, the miracle of human beings giving over their hearts to Hashem.

In regard to some of the things you just wrote, Mevakesh, I just want to quote from Chizuk e-mail #80:

The Zohar gives a parable of a king who wanted to test his son's loyalty, so he paid for a prostitute to try to entice his son. The prostitute does her best to make the king's son stumble, but deep down she really wants that the king's son should refuse her, for she too is a servant of the king and wants the king to truly be happy.

It is helpful to remember this parable, and to realize that the Yetzer Hara is also really a servant of Hashem. Deep down, he is happy when you refuse his destructive seducing! Realize that life is all a test of our loyalty, and of how much we are really willing to sacrifice for G-d.

There was just something about what Chasdei Avos wrote that triggered a deep emotional outcry. He must be a real holy soul!

I am crying again....

Dear Mevakesh,

I have to speak my heart. In addition to my battling the despicable disgusting menuval, I've been having a lot of pain in my life in general. Whenever I come to the forum and see the wonderful stuff going on here, it gives me chizuk in a way that nothing else can. But this post of yours was just something else. There is no way to describe the feeling of hope and chiyus it gave me. I can't thank you-and GUE- enough. I wish you and all the chevra here, the greatest year with continued and growing success in being mezakeh es harabim. And we should all be zocheh to greet moshiach very very soon.

Thank you battleworn.

I too(as does everyone else on different levels) have certain personal pains and situations in my life. I thank Hashem for them all, as they are all "Yesurim" that are a part of the Teshuva and Kapara process.

There are many Aveiros for which the Teshuva and Yesurim  simply put them in standby mode, and the real Kaparah doesnt happen until Yom Kippur. Baruch Hashem Yom Kippur is around the corner, and I hope and pray that it serves as a true Kaparah for me, and you and everyone on this forum and all of Klal Yisroel to be pure again, and no longer need any more Yesurim.

Chazak V'Ematz!

of course, i didn't mean to exclude all the other people out there who wrote to me and are all in this together with me - chas vshalom. jack

y'know i think we're all just a bunch of great guys 8)

AMEN,mevakesh

niceguy,
Your right and together we're going to BUSTthe cruel, evil meuval.

Dear Heiliger Yidden,

  I am back B"H. 

I want to let all of you know that I personally had the zchus, erev Rosh Hashonah, to lay my bones upon the holy tzion of the Ba'al Shem Tov, and of Rabbi Nachman, Zchusom Yagen Aleinu.  I personally requested heavenly assistance for ALL of the ENTIRE group here, for all of us who truly wish to be shomer Habris. 

A shanah tova metukah!!!!

Thank you Me. I can't tell you how much that means to Me. Maybe that's why your nickname is "me", because you are struggling and praying for all of us and each one of us can say "me" is really me.

me,

I second what Guardureyes said!

Thank you!!! or should it be Thank "me"?  :-)

dear family, is it the vast knowledge that these people possess (and they do) that is helping me? no, it is their VAST ability to be a friend, a true friend, like the one it says in pirke avos to acquire. this is what is helping me the most.
today is day 51. jack

Jack!  51 is the Gematria of "NA". You wailed to Hashem so many times over the past few weeks, "Ana Hashem Hoshea NA" and Lo and Behold, our father our king is giving you the strength to prevail!! Tomorrow  you will have reached the "ANA"  and soon enough you will be at the "HOSHEA"!!!

Stay strong my dear brother. The Yetzer Hara is on his last breath with you! Don't let him get a grip again.

Chazak V'Ematz!

P.S. Skip the New York Post today, your Neshama doesnt need it! I love you my dear brother.