I know this is what many of us are struggling and that this is a basic question but any eitzos on how to fight this one? You cant just get a filter like you do for the stuff online and the urge just builds up even if I have been staying clean. I can push it off for a little a while (days/maybe weeks) but eventually I cave in. Usually I tell myself that Ill stop before being M"Z but usually after a few days I cave in to that as well.  What to do?
I hope I'm posting in the right place. I'm sure that this is a commonly discussed issue out here.

DeterminedtoWin wrote on 09 May 2018 17:31:

welcome to the club!!!! we all wish we would have a concrete way to prevent that, for me the key is posting here, having a partner, watching my eyes and thoughts. but that's why you are here on this world, to be constantly on the watch-out for a fall

true we are on this world for sur may`ra , but we are also on this world for asei tov,but im sure you meant that

Its a daily work in progress.Try listening in on the 12-1 call with Duvid Chaim and definitely get someone to speak with on a regular basis.Every action in the right direction helps.

DeterminedtoWin wrote on 09 May 2018 17:31:

i wish only you had this question/problem but as shivisi said join the club ,and join the fun of recovery together,hatzlacha!

First thing is to believe you can stop. We convinced ourselves that ejaculating is as integral to life as eating drinking and sleeping. It is an imagined need, not a real one. As mentioned by others, a good chaver you are accountable to and who is available to help is great.

Thank you all for the chizuk!

I want to share with the forum where I am holding because one of the goals of gye is to share the chizuk with others. Its also a large step in the recovery process to pass on the help and chizuk to others.

Here are a few points that I found to be helpful for me already:

1) Connecting with other people who are also normal erliche yidden and have gone through similar things is a tremendous chizuk!! I have been sitting by myself in the dark for so many years and to finally have someone to talk to that really gets it is so liberating!

2) Knowing that the urge  to masturbate that builds up over the days/weeks is coming from withdrawal and will (mostly) go away once I move out of the withdrawal stage is also major chizuk. I know that if I stay strong and reach out to my sponsors/partners when I am feeling week I will eventually move past this withdrawal stage and the urges that keep growing will eventually be much less.

3) Masturbating/ejaculation is not a need!! If I distract myself with something else and let the feelings go away I will be ok. 

4) Exercising is a healthy replacement addiction that provides the brain with similar  chemicals as masturbating and can help reduce the withdrawal symptoms. 

I hope to update the forum again at some point as I continue my journey to full recovery, be"H!
Thank you all again!!

A great post - I really resonate with it!

KEEP ON TRUCKING ;-)

Hey! like your last post. you are doing amazing and inspiring others.

Technically there is a concrete way, but I'm pretty sure self mutilation is not okay. There must be a reason for the fight to exist. I think the same way women not showing their bodies makes it more special when they show it to their husband, so to for us. The toilet (or whatever) does not deserve you. And if it does how do you think your wife or future wife feels about being in competition with a toilet. Trust me if you think about it like this it may not fix your problem but you'll feel pretty awesome if you do save it for the mitzva!

Embrace The Strugle wrote on 14 May 2018 01:23:

Welcome to gye

DeterminedtoWin wrote on 09 May 2018 17:31:

What makes you think this is something that others around here struggle with?
Just kidding.
I remember googling that question so many years ago way way before GYE.. Wow. What answers I got from the wonderful and saintly people who populate google...It's great to be around guys who showed definitely that those answers are mostly inaccurate. This can be done. There are many who do it. 
But the world is not the only place that creates myths about this stuff. Your brain does as well. Seems like you are on your way to debunking those myths. 
Keep it up. 

Hey everybody!

Its been a little while, but I wanted to check back in and post an update to keep this going and stay on the radar. I don't have so much time to constantly post but I want to keep up every so often.

B"H I am doing great and I am currently holding by day 47!! Go me!! I don't think I ever made it this far in my life (since I started struggling at around 11) and I'm so grateful to be where I am today. Thank you Hashem, GYE, my partner, and my sponsor!!

I would like to share a good mashul that describes the way I feel these days. I hope this can be a chizuk for others working on this also:
All these years that I've been fighting and losing and getting up again and fighting and falling again, I felt like this was going to be an endless cycle that I will never really be able to break out of. Like when I would get back up after a fall and daven that I shouldn't fall again, in the back of my mind was "who was I fooling?". Looking back, I feel that this was like a child learning to ride a bike. He keeps falling down and doesn't feel like he is ever going to be able to it. He is so unsteady and can't seem to go more then a few feet before falling down. This happens a million times, and he knows and expects that every time he tries he's going fall. Then, one day he tries again and this time he notices after a few seconds that he didn't fall down. He's like, "Hey! What's going on?!!!" A few seconds go by and he still hasn't fallen down - he's still going!! It slowly begins to dawn on him that "Hey! Maybe I'm actually riding the bike!!" After another few seconds, he's like "Hey! Yes! I really am doing it!!" Once the realization kicks in, he is so ecstatic. After all these weeks (years/decades) of trying and falling and feeling that he will never be able to do it, he can't believe that he is now actually doing it. He just cant believe it!! He pedals with great enthusiasm and vigor and rides around town showing everybody, "Hey! Look at me, I can do it!!" It's the best, most liberating feeling in the world!!!

I really believe that it was my determination to keep the fight going and never give up that helped me get to where I am today. After all these years, Hashem finally answered my teffilos and actually pulled me out of the prison I was stuck in for so many years. I feel a tremendous amount of hakoras hatov to the Aibeshter for saving me and I daven that I should continue to be free and feel free for the rest of my life! I understand that the battle isn't over and that I will be fighting it for the rest of my life (like everyone else) but I do think that I'm in a very different place now, B"H, and that it will be a very different (and less anxiety provoking) fight.

What I believe worked (is working) for me is as follows:
1) Understanding that the intense urges to masturbate or sit down at the computer and "search" were coming from withdrawal, that I didn't not have to act on them, and that they will lessen as I push past the withdrawal stage, was a big chizuk for me and helped me hang in there knowing that it wasn't going to be like this forever and that the longer I hold back the easier it will get.
2) Having a partner that I connect with and relate to to keep in touch with and work together in this fight. We text each other every day and speak on the phone at least once a week. Thank you partner, I couldn't do it without you!!
3) Having a sponsor who also went through this gehinom and is in the clear, yet is still very human and honest. It is so validating to have a shaychus with someone who I am very machshiv who also went through this craziness and still fights the battle with such clarity, diveikus, and dedication, in a very real, honest and open way. He sooo gets it and is spot on with the things he tells me! Thank you sponsor, you know who you are!!

Hang in there, keep fighting, and I guarantee you that be"H you will get there!!!
Thanks for listening, we'll be in touch chevrah!!
DeterminedtoWin

Determined,
Good for you!
Keep up the good work and keep on being mechazek the rest of us

-Yid