hashiveinu wrote on 22 Mar 2018 22:31:

1) No it's not. Hashem doesn't want insane creations. Believe it or not, he loves us all.
2) Get a da'as torah yes, but don't distort what you're asking. If you masturbate 3 times a day every day (except shabbos c'v) don't tell the rov "I have issues with shmiras aynayim". If you act out while driving, don't say "I have an issue with zera l'vatalah".
It's the principle of GIGO - give the rabbi garbage, you'll get a garbage psak.

ieeyc wrote on 23 Mar 2018 08:29:

The thread is still hijacked. 
The Dangers of SA is someone's personal share, and your questions have nothing to do with the Thread author or topic
They belong on your personal thread

Im not sure if you're hard of hearing  I don't think you are, but I will have to remind you about the concept of hijacking until you can hear

ieeyc,
please keep all marriage related questions in the BB section. The rest is publicly available not only to GYE members but to the whole world.

Thank You, Git Shabbos!

Markz wrote on 23 Mar 2018 11:54:

i really hope youre not a control freak , because the way you are acting  now and some other thing i saw you do is starting to make me wonder,just let the olam answer the question  and (you may give a try,)and vaiter! dont make a whole thread  tumult,i think what  i posted does have a connection to previous posts here on this thread, and talk about hijacking a thread!! whats going to happen in the next 6 or 7 posts is probably going to really be off topic .are you sincre about hijacking or just plain bluff?

hey im ok with listening to gye athourity, but not to some self appointed  control freak gabai which i hope you are not

lionking wrote on 23 Mar 2018 12:11:

Personally, I think questions regardin' a husband's lust for his wife is more related to the individual (single guy) than for the b"b. Lust has no place in a marriage. Lust is not for another person; it is the emotion of how to satisfy oneself. Lust is actually the antithesis of marriage.

Anyone who wants to use philosophy and Torah and disagree with me, that's fine, but I challenge them to the followin': when one has that lustful feelin' and he claims that it is pure love for his wife, go over to her and speak those emotions out truthfully to his dearly beloved, and then let me know if it is his overflowin' abundance of love towards his darlin' wife or perhaps it is hyped up arousal lookin' for a release point.

Like always, I may be wrong.

In general, it doesn't sit well with me when people tell others where to write this or where not to write that. This forum is public and so are all threads; let the public consume information wherever they find it.

God speed!

ieeyc wrote on 23 Mar 2018 13:03:

Im not the gye authority (and random posts are generally ok)
The forum is for sharing and being part of the gye family

Youre not there yet

And all you've done is dishing out advice like you did at beginning of this thread and many others, e.g. suggesting Taphsic or changing therapists... as though you are the gye authority

Others reading this post can look at your profile and read your original posts and on to gain perspective

Your clicking "Thank You" on posts you dont like renders all your positive "Thank You"s worthless, so maybe rethink that please

As I told you in PM, I'm not the one that put you in minus. There are others here that don't appreciate the vibes. Happens to be that I'm more vocal than others and will express it, nu nu. 

No one is gonna control you to share your story. Ok so don't. 

But cut out your negativity and bashing please. Some of your posts need the negativity removed. You know what I mean...

cordnoy wrote on 23 Mar 2018 13:08:

I agree fully with the first part of the statement. Lust has no room in a marriage at all. 
I respectly disagree with the last statement of yours.
Not all threads are public as evidenced by the fact that the administrators decided to limit access to the BB threads. There is a concept of אין דורשין בעריות בשלשה. Not everything needs to find it's way on to Google.

Ieeyc's questions were a little more than just if lust is a part of Marriage. 

We can have different opinions. I respect that.

I will end short, don't want to be accused of hijacking this thread.

I think this is getting a little out of hand. Had we just answered the question and moved on it wouldn’t have turned out like this. it says that a poor man is not brazen. when one is coming on to another for help, he acts with humility. being harsh sharp and argumentative is not coming from a cry for help. only those looking for help or to help others belongs here. i think ieeyc was attacked for no reason and just had a simple question. lets not fight.

Cordnoy is right. lust has no place in marriage, and all rabbanim ive encountered agree with this. I just want to add that although lust has know place, "desire does". Now read carefully because you may understand my previous posts with this.

One who is familiar with r' tzadok m'lublin's seforim has definitely come across this idea. It is considered a basic in yiddishkeit. Yiidden have something which cannot possibly exist by goyim. They have something called "hanaah b'kedusha" holy pleasures. One of the examples given is the gemarah that says, yidden eat and drink on Shabbos and start to sing and praise hashem. It is a mitzvah to have enjoyment and pleasure from food and drink on Shabbos and this is coming from a holy place not from animalistic desires. R' tzadok says that goyim will never be able to understand this.

Chazal say the same about tashmish. It must be done with a desire for your wife. That is the ratzon hashem and the honaah which both you and your wife get from it is hanaah shebikdusha. Lust however is a not a desire for your wife. Its worshiping oneself and using the wife as a tool to feed the animal inside of you. She wants to see and will appreciate to know that you want and even enjoy her. But should she sense that she is being used (and if shes not available you can just use your computer and hand) its detrimental.

There are few baalei madreiga nowadays (and someone who is m* is for sure not holding there) which are able to have tashmish with total prishus but poskim say that even if you think you are holding by it your wife is most probably not and therefore its an aveirah to act with such prishus. It fulfills her to see that you enjoyed being with her.

Now the clincher. In the Christian world, its holy not to be married. Priests and nuns do not marry. This is because they don’t have hanaah bkdusha. So everything about the desires of tashmish are non holy desires. So its holier not to be married. Obviously by jews marriage is holy. It’s a mitzvah which we must do. There are different amount of times a week a person has a chiyuv to his wife and some are obligated daily!!

So the answer to your questions. Lust has no place in marriage but desire does and yes it is probably a hiddur to show her within the parameters of halacha how much you enjoy and appreciate her. Im not sure if there is a hiddur to enjoy it more if it doesn’t make a difference to her. I don’t think there is a hiddur to eat matza with more teiavon then is required. Ask your local rabbi.

hashiveinu wrote on 23 Mar 2018 15:22:

Thanks, very well said. 
Just for the record, I never attacked ieeyc. If I came across as attacking. Please accept my apologies.
Have a Git Shabbos!

lionking wrote on 23 Mar 2018 15:20:

II love opinions, especially my own.

Yes, the admins separated bb, women, teens and adrogynous threads. Each thread is public in their section.

Regardin' what should be in bb sextion and what not, there are varyin' opinions. Keep 'em comin'. I have been known to move some threads.

One last note: I have been contemplatin' adding a post on my mikvah thread in the bb sextion, but as there is nothin' positive to write, I keep it to myself. So damn stupid of me!

i would just like to thank everybody for sharing their helpful answers, encouragement and constructive criticism,good Shabbos.

ieeyc wrote on 23 Mar 2018 16:28:

You're welcome.

Anytime!

lionking wrote on 23 Mar 2018 15:56:

i wasnt referring to you. everyone is entitled to their own opinion. you did not come across as attacking. hatzlacha.

Hey Chevra, I've been thinking a lot about the potential danger that someone who is struggling may read my post and decide not to go to SA when it may be the solution for him.  My own recovery is challenging enough, I certainly don't want to make anyone else's harder than it has to be :-) I am by no means any expert when it comes to this stuff, it's way too complicated. Any thoughts?