Hi SB,
seems like the record's been playing The Sounds of Silence for a while now here
ma nishma? still very busy?
can you spare a post?
have a great shabbos

It has been way too long. I've been slipping. Had a minor fall, but I've been slipping down a much more dangerous slope, and I need to get back on track. Remember that even when i feel completely drained, looking for happiness in the wrong places is NOT going to help.

SB,
I haven't read your whole story, but it seems to me the road back is to reinforce the basics.
Daven.  Very strict shmiras eynayim.  Guard your mind against inappropriate thoughts -- admit that you are powerless and turn your lust over to Hashem.  Proper use of relations with your wife.

Start fresh right now.  Hashem wants you to succeed again.

A fall with someone posting over 3500 posts???  Miraculous.  it's proof that H" has given us bechira.  amazing.
now go use it responsibly. 

I'm new here, it seems your'e a vet. But wer'e both still struggling. All I can tell you man, it's Purim now, THe day we celebrate that Hashem - and only him - can save us from everything.

ontheedgeman wrote on 08 Mar 2012 16:30:


I'm going to assume that didn't come out quite the way you planned.

For starters, number of posts means nothing. Even if it did, the length of time someone has been clean doesn't mean there's no issue, no problem. There's always a danger.

Mefatfait Beyitzro wrote on 08 Mar 2012 17:58:


Very, very true. The hard part is moving from, "hashem, save me!" and genuinely allowing hashem to help us.

Hi SB!

Good to see you.

--Elyah

I need to work on being more positive. I've been supposed to find the time to d some 12-steps reading fo a while now, maybe it's time to actually do it.

And yes, again, I know that reading isn't the point - but it's a start.

A path to positivity is hakoras hatov.
Start with your own amazing body and work your way out from there.
You'll be feeling positive in no time!

silentbattle wrote on 18 Mar 2012 12:17:


But don't be so negative about it! 

--Elyah

Zing! Touche!  ;D

Alexaeliezer - you're absolutely right, but Hakoras hatov is difficult when you feel so angry and bitter and full of rage.

silentbattle wrote on 25 Mar 2012 19:17:


OR, it's so easy to be so angry and bitter and full of rage when you don't have hakoras hatov--when you don't appreciate any of the good things in life that you've already got but take for granted all the time.

--Elyah

silentbattle wrote on 18 Mar 2012 12:17:

Bingo. So - when is the last time you did some step writing, and how did things turn out afterward?

Love you,

Dov

And, after a long, pause...

Dov, you always ask the right, and often uncomfortable questions. Although I haven't done enough step reading to know what step writing even is.

To make matters worse, I left GYE open, and my wife found it and started reading my page...she didn't read much, just some of the recent posts, but that's part of the reason i haven't posted in a while.

That hasn't worked out very well. I'm back, and I'm going to work on staying back. I need the support, and especially considering everything else going on in life, I don't have much anywhere else.

I'm hoping this is something I chose to do on Rosh Hashana that'll actually last.

Welcome back, SB.

G'mar Chasima Tova,

--Elyah