Bficho ubilvov'cho la'asoso.

But what about when his will is painful?

What about those times when I feel like I just can't deal with things as they are, I have trouble accepting the things I cannot change?

How do I work on that?

silentbattle wrote on 02 Oct 2011 14:10:


Look in the mirror, smile and say "I accept that reality is xyz. I accept that I can't change it". Your aversion from the reality which you cannot accept, causes you pain. Living in denial of reality is a cause for constant pain. You will not be able to avoid this pain unless you accept whatever reality is. Stop causing yourself pain by not accepting that which you cannot change. That is foolish. Live life according to reality and based on reality. Don't live life according to your mind's rosy coloring of what reality should be like.

Again, in simpler terms: having a hard time accepting reality means there is a conflict between your mental projections of what life should be, and actual life. You have to disassociate from your mental projections, which are false, and embrace life.
What will help you is being more aware of this dangerous activity your mind is so constantly involved in and notice when your mind alters reality in any way throughout your day. Don't get upset when you notice it. Just watch your mind in it's activities. The more you watch these self destructive activities, the more aware you will be and the less your mind will practice them.
And do the mirror exercise as well.

They say that your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

silentbattle wrote on 02 Oct 2011 14:10:


You are not alone. I, for one, have a very difficult time accepting things I do not like. In other words, it is the 3rd step that I am lacking in. You put it so clearly in your post.

Incidentally, so many people (mistakenly) exclusively focus on our obligations - on doing His Will - when they read the 3rd step. As you point out here, our main job in having a decent relationship with Him is accepting what he does for/to/with us right now, in the non-directly-mitzvah stuff of daily life. What they call "divrei r'shus", like my wife or kids' bad mood; the red light; the idiot who cuts me off on the highway; my broken leg; all the things which pain us - and the joys we do not understand, too. Accepting our limitations in so many areas, too.

Back to your point. When the midrash says that "Adam harishon could see from one end of the world to the other," it means that he could understand the tachlis, the good, of every little thing that happens - the sof mayseh, the machshovah t'chilah, and everything in between. We are not gifted that way any more, because he ate from the tree of Da'as - understanding and awareness. He felt he needed more than he already had, for some reason. Nu. And here we all are. Not understanding, and lacking awareness.

You are not alone.

As an addict, this issue that you touch on is the main thing that drives us to turn to our drug of choice. Now that we have come to this point, would you read chapter 5 of AA? And the chapters in the book "12 Steps & 12 Traditions" on steps 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7? The experience and simplicity in them is simple, basic, and for anyone. And the best thing about them of all is that it is all stated the way even addicts can understand, cuz addicts discovered it all in their own recovery. None of it is some 'party line' or dogma from above.

Hatzlocha!

I need to read and re-read your post, Dov. And I need to make time to read those chapters of AA.

I should be posting here much more often, especially with the roller coaster my life has been on. I'm doing much better now than i was a couple of months ago (thank you, God), and I've stayed clean throughout (which is always a blessing), but there are still times when my mind goes a bit loopy and remembers the enjoyable side of the damaging life I once led.

I guarantee 100% that taking direction (not just reading) those chapters of AA does take the loops out of the roller coaster. If you are like me, the nausea of the roller coaster is simply too much to bear. In fact, it's a "Great Bear".

That was a 'dov' joke.

...oh, boy.  :o

Thank you - I was reading your post while drinking milk, and now there's  huge mess.

tsk, tsk, bears are fleishig

hi SB, hope you are well
g'nite

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 15 Nov 2011 05:55:


Reminds me of a story I once heard.  A woman was told that for medical reasons she would have to eat chaizer.  The woman agreed but only on condition that the pig would be shechted.  She can't eat an animal that was not shechted.  Fine, it was pikuach nefesh, she wasn't going to eat it otherwise so they shechted the pig.  After they shected it they checked the lungs and there was a shaila on the lungs.  They went to the Rov, the Rov examines the lungs, and he says, nu, the lungs are not a shailah, but how can I say that a pig is "kosher." 

SB, Hope all is well.  Continued hatzlacha.

Some days are better, some are worse. I often feel totally worn out in every way, physically, mentally and emotionally.

do you have a healthy, kosher outlet? or someone who knows you well that you can share your issues well and can confide in regularly?

Do you do exercise?

Just a few ha'oras in the hope of making the battle less of a battle and the silent less of a silent....

Much love and admiration as always,

ahm

If I had time to exercise, that would be nice. Or energy. That would be nice, too... ;D

I have a few people I can talk to. Right now, things aren't as bad as they were.

bH! do u get enough sleep and take some time every day to relax and do something you enjoy, I have found that to be an absolute necessity for me.

Have a great shabbos!

silentbattle wrote on 18 Nov 2011 04:38:

You'll have more energy if you excercise .

an honest mouse wrote on 18 Nov 2011 11:46:


Yup, that'd be nice, too.

gibbor120 wrote on 18 Nov 2011 14:43:


Generally true, but not in every situation.