see what i just wrote to myself in my thread (about putting pressure on myself vs leaving it up to Hashem) - we seem to be holding in a similar matsav - chazak ve'nischazek!!

Eye -  : : ;D ;D ;D

Hm - I'm going to check it out right now - thank you!

Thank you, Eye, for dropping by in my old thread!

My apologies to my friends here. And to myself, too, I guess. I should be spending more time here.

I should daven better, focus on giving things over to hashem, but I'm honestly not sure what that means here. I'm open to hearing input...

Eye.nonymous wrote on 13 Jun 2011 13:09:

silentbattle wrote on 14 Jun 2011 00:16:


;D

I haven't been posting much. I've been feeling overwhelmed by a lot of things. I still worry about what the future will bring. I worry about the things I can do something about, because I need to make sure that my decisions are the right ones. And not only because I'm worried about whether I'll be able to support my family with the job I choose, but also whether or not I'll be happy. And this isn't made any easier with the fact that with my life experiences, I pretty much have to constantly fight the assumption that I won't be happy.

I panic about the things I can't do anything about.

Both of these are problematic, obviously.

Sigh.

One thing I realized...part of the consequences of the things I've doen in the past is that I have a bunch of women floating around in my head. My mind can conjure up a hundred "what-ifs." But that's a consequence, a punishment, as it were. It's the damage caused by my own messed-up actions in the past, and I guess part of fixing myself up is learning to ignore them.

Just and observation:  It sounds like you're relying out outside circumstances to "make you" happy.

--Eye.

Why? I do feel that taking certain jobs may have the capacity (more than others) to make me feel drained, frustrated an burned out. I also think that not having enough money to make ends meet can make it very difficult to be happy.

It's not that outside circumstances will make me happy, but that they can interfere with my happiness.

silentbattle wrote on 11 Jul 2011 20:45:


...so they can't make you happy, but they can make you unhappy?

--Eye.

The idea that outside circumstances can interfere with our happiness isn't so strange. The hoodlum with a gun is unlikely to ever make me happy, but if he comes over and pistol-whips me, it's likely to make my day less sunny.

However, you clearly have a point to make, and I would like to hear to hear it. 

I am learning, little by little, that it is not the stuff of life that can make me happy or sad.  I don't have to react to life in the exact same way I have reacted every day for as long as I can remember.

I am learning that I am actually free to choose my response.  No matter what happens.

Sometimes I get thrown way off balance and it takes me a while to gain my footing again.  But, I don't often get over my problems from yesterday because of my success today.  No, if yesterday's problem remains unresolved, I won't get over it because something else has gone right.  I might forget about it for a short while, but I won't get over it.

So, I get over my problems from yesterday, instead, by trying to take another look at them.  By trying to see them in a different perspective.  I can't necessarily see things as dark one second, and light the next.  But, at least I can cast a slightly lighter shade of grey over it, and then another, and then another.

Little by little, I come to terms with what happened, and with what is happening.  As each day goes by, there is slightly less reason to be disappointed and unhappy.

And, as time goes by, this process happens quicker.  Things that were once insurmountable are somewhat smaller, and the small stuff that would have bothered me yesterday, today goes undetected.

Then, there are setbacks and slips.  But, overall, things get brighter.

And, as the light increases, I can start to find pleasure in places where I never would have looked before.

My wife and I have been having lots of trouble putting our 2-year old to sleep.  Had this been a couple of years ago, I would have let the kid cry himself to sleep with a completely clear conscience and think it was the right thing to do.  If it took more than five minutes, I would be fuming for having lost so much of my precious time.  I don't feel I can do that now.  I sit with him, I rock him.  Lately I've been playing a little music on a recorder to help him go to sleep (I am slightly musically inclined).  It takes time, but I savor the moment now.  I think he's a lucky little boy, and that feels really good.

--Eye.

Slightly musically inclined, my foot. You're good!  :D

I hear your point...yet, I think there are some situations in life where the frustration does not come with an opportunity, and it is just that - frustration. We can learn to deal with it better, but certain situations, if we're in them long-term, are not going to be conducive to our happiness.

No?

silentbattle wrote on 15 Jul 2011 09:16:

Thanks.  :-[




It's not necessarily that when we face a frustrating situation, we have to try to find something good hidden within it.

It's something more fundamental than that.  It's a question of--how am I approaching this situation?  Am I trying to control the outcome?  Am I focused on my own needs, goals, desires?  Am I absorbed in my own fears and resentments?

Or, can I put my ego aside.  Can I focus on MY ROLE in this situation.  What can I contribute?  How can I be helpful?  Or, what thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes am I holding onto that, if I would only let go of them, I would have peace of mind.

Am I thinking:
He shouldn't do THAT.  They should have said...  I shouldn't have to...  I can't believe what they did to me...  She should...  They shouldn't...  I need...  I wanted...  I thought...  I was supposed to be doing...

You can probably imagine someone that you know who, under the same circumstances, would not be frustrated by it.  What's the difference?  It's only a matter of perspective, a matter of focus.

And, we don't have to turn around 180 degrees (I love when people try to be really dramatic and say 360!) in order to feel an improvement (besides, a total change all of a sudden isn't very likely).  But, we can change a little bit right away.  Then a little more, etc. 

--Eye.

I've been slipping recently. Slipping in a sobriety sense, but more fundamentally, slipping in...everything, I guess. The trouble with sobriety is only a symptom, I know. I feel myself falling apart, afraid, despairing.

Perhaps one of my biggest issues is my fear of life. My experiences have taught me that life rarely, if ever, turns out well. I assume there will be failure, disappointment, sadness, and pain.

And all too often, I'm right, though this is likely a self-fulfilling prophecy. Everything seems to difficult, nothing works out. So why even try?

I'm not sure how to break this cycle right now...

STOP SLIPPING!!!!!!!!!!

i got tons of fan mail to explain my dry post to my good comrade silent battle




here goes

we all have taaivos wee all have our weaknesse

we all are very vulnerable

there are 2 ways to STOP

either we just eat enuff junk food till our teeth hurt our stomachs bottom our ears blow up like culiflowers

and we NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED to stop

or we just stop

bottom line they are they same

all old timers and new timeres know

ESS HANEFESH LO TIMALEY

the eye is never satisfied

so what are u gonna do/

where is the bottom

and then there is a new bottom

and a newer deeper bottom

just stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



























































































zemmy is it good enufffffff?