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Almost fell again
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TOPIC: Almost fell again 1749 Views

Almost fell again 15 Oct 2017 19:17 #321083

  • korbonos
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B"H

Let's see how today's near disaster, kein eiyn hora, developed.  First, didn't get much sleep motzei Shabbos following Yom Tov.  Forced myself up in order to try to daven before the z'man.  Then went to the office to check on the mail from last several days.  Then started trying to sort it and perform work related chores.  Then got extremely frustrated because sometimes the job is overbearing and it hit one of those times.  This lasted about 1/2 hour - varying moments of functioning and then caving in to near despair, etc.  Then after sending an email on aol.com, it shows the news pages with all its attendant absurdities,
including a few graphic images.  Then I find my thoughts have drifted, and almost transgressed, and probably would have, but then I thought I need to log in to this site and try to stop it, and that's where I'm holding now.  I'd like to have a coffee but hot beverages sometimes incite this problem, so better to avoid.  All for now.

Re: Almost fell again 15 Oct 2017 19:38 #321084

  • Markz
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korbonos wrote on 09 Oct 2017 03:34:
B"H

Oy vay.  Mine's not a porn thing.  Rather, product of fantasies, sometimes going back many decades.  SSA and otherwise.  Unhealthy situations at work because the halacha is not 100% followed - even 95% could result in disaster, l"r.  Even seemingly innocuous comments from a co-worker, joking of course, set me off.  I try to work these things out myself.  Even in the neighborhood - a very, very frum place, has now been invaded by shiksas whose dress is more revealing and alluring than street level prostitutes' "uniforms" of 40 years ago.  Rav Chatzkel Levenstein, ztl. asked 70 years ago from the Mir in Brooklyn "how can anyone look out of the windows?"  Maybe I need to leave my job and try to start anew?  I know I'm blaming external causes and not myself.  But if my mindset is to be trusted, I've been innocent in a lot of this and blackened as a result of others' indiscretions - albeit subtle and not necessarily with intent to lead another to sin.  I guess the only thing I can do is to try to redouble my efforts in limud Torah.  End of post.


Hey you gotta keep all your posts on 1 thread otherwise it will be considered Korbonos Chutz and that's Chayav Kares Gd forbid

btw how has the limud torah advancement been for you?

But I needed something else for my recovery, connecting with others - sort of a Korban Tzibur...
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Re: Almost fell again 15 Oct 2017 19:43 #321085

Khol a Kavod for not slipping!!!!!

So let's look at the triggers. You were tired from Motzei Shabbat and the chagim. Perfectly justifiable!!! 
But look at the wonderful outer circle activities of being connected to Yiddishkeit and fellow Yidden:) 

   Then you were in your outer circle by sorting through emails for work which sounds incredibly high functioning. 

  You were frustrated...but you didn't act out...The mob voices or mafia voices of your internal dialogue  or Yetzer hara didn't win out. You felt despair.

If I were you.

I would start a tired journal, a frustration journal, and a despair journal. Note the times when your feeling these triggers and other associated issues surrounding their advent.

You will start to see the patterns and how to curb them from popping up as much.



" Let's see how today's near disaster, kein eiyn hora, developed "


De- emotionalize the data.

Don't fall into the drama trap

It is just INFORMATION that needs to be processed.

By the way...it wouldn't have been a disaster if you slipped. Unfortunate yes, disaster no. Be careful with your language we can work our selves into shame with  it.

Shavuo Tov  Tzadik!!!
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