Hi there.

I'm looking for perspectives from people who relate to this. I have a real addiction issue (masturbation, fantasy and porn when it's available) and have tried for years to stop, unsuccessfully. I used to feel tremendous guilt and pain after acting out. That was till therapy, a few years ago when I stopped beating myself up. But I still can't control it. Instead I have accepted it, resigned to this being part of my life. Intellectually I know it's wrong and damaging, and occasionally I feel remorse. But it's not enough to stop me - the pleasure simply outweighs the pain right now. I feel like my life's overall manageable despite it affecting some of my daily functioning and relationships (staying up all night can do that...) and I was told that's the reason I wasn't able to get much out of SA.  

I do want to become more motivated towards change. It's why I joined GYE - I know that real change won't happen by itself. I'm not ready to take big leaps but I want to move in the right direction. 

Is there hope?

I'm open to hearing people's stories and learning from them. If you did not share this experience but want to give advice, you can. I'm just not sure that's what I need... 

I probably don't need to ask this, but please keep your responses non-judgmental and non-critical.

Thanks!

Welcome. Keep posting and stay connected. People here can help. Iyh you will break free as many others have. Hatzlocha.

BS"D
HS, I want to write something not 'in style' to say on GYE, but this is the answer to myself when I'm in such a situation like you, feeling that my life is manageable. and It's simply true. for everyone.

I say to myself:
Do you know that there is a place called Gehenom? do you know that it exists in 2017? The world is not hefkar at all. The Gehenom is a scary, scary place. All the video's that ISIS released how they torture & kill people is only a part of how the Gehenom looks like. The pain is indescribable. It's really not a joke. If I'm not going to do whatever I can to stop my behavior, I will have to go thru all this torture and it's not fun at all. It's scary. really scary.

I know that there are various reasons not to talk about the Gehenom too much. but I'm talking from my experiences. and the Gehenom doesn't disappear if we avoid thinking about it.

​The good news is that G-d is good to us & gave us the opportunity to escape & avoid all this by doing Teshuvah which turns the Gehenom into a Gan eden on this world.

I hope you get the point. I'm not the one to tell you what to do, just sometimes we need to remind our self the unavoidable truth. 

I appreciate your words. Of course it's something I know but don't think about much. In the past, thinking about gehenom has just led to a feeling of despair and gloom. But maybe it's time to try again...