Hello,
I'm looking to start the 12-steps (looking for a partner by the way- I'm 19 in a few months) and I'd like to approach them appropriately. What is the definition if an addict? What are his behaviors and thoughts?
Thank you

Did you glance at Step 1 yet?

1. We admitted that we were powerless over lust—that our lives had become unmanageable.

This is the first paragraph from: What is a Sexaholic and what is sexual Sobriety? (written by SA)

"We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction. Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic, or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop."

In my experience, I cant stop my self. I have lost the will power to beat lust. It just overcomes me. If i am not working my program, anything could happen. That doesn't mean i didnt try to struggle with it and that doesnt mean that i always fell. Its just inevitably i did. I also only did porn and masturbation but from listening to others stories, i probably would have acted out with others at some point. And it made my life unmanageable. I was running away from life, suppressing my character defects-fear, resentments etc, and i was wasting a lot of time. I also felt awful, a lot of guilt and shame. 

I cant beat lust. I cant do it on my own. Mikveh didnt work, learning didnt work, mussar didnt work, trying harder didnt work, trying to trick lust didnt work. Nothing worked. Because, for me, its not a religious battle. Its all in the arena of derech eretz. Thats why Torah cant help me with my lust. Derech Eretz kadman l'Torah. Nothing I could do ever helped. I need outside help. I need God's help and SA, my sponsor and the 12 steps have helped me access God's help. It has helped me step out of the way and let God do the dirty work while I connect with other sexaholics, work through my character defects and make up for what i did wrong with others while praying for His will and the willingness to carry it out. 

I am an addict. Maybe you are too. Only you can decide. Only until i could accept my sehaxolism could i ever be happy. I have tried (and still do try!) to deny it but that is just being dishonest. I cant lust like a gentleman. I cant look at girls like others, even other yidden, and be ok. I feel the lust coming up through my legs like dopamine. The rush. 

If you want to speak you can email me: dms1234ongye@gmail.com

For your info, SA has a test with 20 questions: 

I have a few comments:

You mix words of chazal into your tirade, but Torah can't help.

God looked into the Torah and created the world. Torah is the world and Torah is the remedy. Now, Torah is vast, so one might not know which Torah to learn. "Oh, but I learned six pages in shnayim ochazin with the art scroll and I still masturbated; must be Torah is not the answer." Swell logic there.

"Lust is not a religious battle; it's derech eretz, and that preceded the Torah." Firstly, what does it even mean? Secondly, doesn't one fix derech eretz with mussar? Once again, there are many mussar seforim on the shelves.

All these slogans. " Let God do the dirty work while I connect with other lustaholics." Perhaps...."Let God do the dirty work while I go and pray." "Let God do the dirty work while I visit the sick or bury the dead."

Sometimes, all this mumbo jumbo talk gets to me.

DMS and all others, I love you and I wish you the best. Keep working the program. And guess what? I also went to SA. It contributed to save my life. I had sponsors; I worked the steps and I still do. I analyze my character defects and try to fix them.

No, Torah did not save me before or now, but I never stated that it wouldn't or couldn't, and I never justified it either.

Peace out.

I am only expressing my experience. Of what has helped me and what hasn't. I could comment but i prefer not to right now. But i agree talking never helped me, only action does and the 12 steps are working for me. I tried the religious approach and didnt work for me to help me in this disease. I still keep shabbos, learn and im still frum. 

Perhaps Torah will help for some though. Perhaps the 12 steps will help too!

So for me to understand, how do I work the 12 steps properly? What do I need? Where can I get the Big Book (or whatever the SA book is called)? I am currently reading the GYE handbook 

Also, thank you reb Guard. 

Unknowngye wrote on 16 Aug 2017 14:30:

Email me and I can send it to you
markzgye@gmail.com

From what I hear, step dancing is better done with a partner ;-)

You need a sponsor to work the 12 steps properly! I would strongly advise getting a big book and white book (the SA book) that you can feel its pages, meaning the real books. You can order them online. (sa.org is the only place you can get a white book besides for any SA meetings.)

Thank you. Hard cover is difficult for me. Do you know where I can get a big book?

dms1234 wrote on 15 Aug 2017 04:36:

I think I can give a clear NO to maybe 3 questions.
However, Does that mean you are an "addict" ?
I think a lot of people would say yes to at least a few.
What is the official curve?

Could be could be not, ask SA. 

Amazon, AA.org, contact any SA or AA group. 

Generally speaking 15 and above means that SA can help you if you are really willing to help yourself.

Unknowngye, you can buy a big book on Amazon: www.amazon.com/Alcoholics-Big-Book/dp/1893007170/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=WQ3MHQY13RHD1243DZDB