Struggling in the UK wrote on 27 Dec 2009 10:44:


I wonder... 

Many people on this forum have posted how they would sometimes get even suicidal after falls... Then they found GYE, started working the handbooks, possibly went into therapy, joined SA, whatever, and today they are doing great!

We have to get rid of the "guilt" notion. We are ill, not bad. We need to get "better", not "good".

And to get better, we need a paradigm shift in our thinking... See Dov's amazing post (reply #31 on this page)

the circumstances of this last fall are unusual.

bkitzur, my wife has been in hospital since last week and come out motsei shabbos. I have had an incredibly tough week looking after the children plus obviously worry etc.

Last night my wife was back and maybe the pressure of it all plus the obvious knowledge we wouldn't be able to do anything for a very long time tipped me over the edge.

That said, I wasn't able to get into it at all and didn't complete the act as it were. I think this was because these circumstances made me feel even more guilty than ever before. Here my wife was finally home and she was fine so my gratitude to HKB''H should have been even greater than normal. How could I then act so disgustingly and so clearly against the Aibishter's will so quickly with full knowledge of what He has done for me?! This is what I have kept asking myself all day.

gye, what u wrote about being ill and not bad, getting better not good is amazing. it rlly gave me nechama!!! THANKX!!!

No - you haven't been asking yourself that all day. The yetzer hora has.

You might want to consider going to therapy - I know, I know, these days, that has such a "pop-culture" feel to it. But the truth is that a good therapist can help you figure yourself out, in all sorts of areas, and help you grow tremendously. Especially since your feelings of depression are tied to your falls (which then leads you to fall again more easily), it might be helpful.

SITUK, How you be mate?? Sorry to hear about your wife. Hope shes feeling fine. You know someof us try to take advantage of a situation like that. Hey dude im not saying its easy. its hard very hard but theres always 2 sides to the coin. Ask guard for a link to what im refering to.

Reb Situk - I hope I didn't offend you...if I did, I'm sorry... :-\

no offence. Just not been on that much as had childcare duties full-on - three little boys all day - for eight days now.

I am up to day 3 with a new count (and 16 since being oiver sz'l)

I am just trying to stay positive, listen to lots of music and stay away from bad things.

Struggling in the UK wrote on 30 Dec 2009 18:06:
3? 16? Wow! Keep on rolling mate your doing great. And yes your first priorty is your children. But we do miss you. :-\

OK kicking off a slightly different topic.

I don't have a TV and don't go the cinema. However, I do have DVDs and although I don't watch often at all, I do like to watch for around 45 mins on my portable player in bed before sleep. I never watch at any other time so it's not a lot.

What do other people do?

I have been rewatching the whole of the TV series 'Lost' from the start in readiness to watch the final series on the computer when it airs. In fact I haven't watched anything else except Lost since August!

However the other night I did find myself aroused by something I saw and made me think about it. Obviously if you have TV and surround yourself with all this, then what turned my head would probably be water off a duck's back. But I don't want to give up EVERYTHING. This is my last slice of my old life I allow myself.

What are others' views / experiences?

i cant really help on that, being that i dont have a tv and i stopped watching movies awhile ago. And in truth was never really into them. But 1 thing i could say. If you feel its too much, its not worth it. It will just have negative effects. Youll lose more than what you could of gained. Baby steps my friend, baby steps. Babys only take the next step when they are fully ready to do so. Hatzlacha mate.

First of all - 16 days! that's fantastic! And hatzlacha on your new journey! you're already off to a good start!

As far as watching stuff, it's a fine line - on the one hand, like IT says, you don't want to push too hard all at once.

On the other hand, movies and tv shows (especially soemthing like "lost") are FULL of triggers.

It might take some time, but I htink that eventually, you want to let go of ALL the negative aspects of your "old" life - the life that you're trying to get rid of.

The yetzer hora will do his best to make you feel like you need these things (and trust me, I understand, because I occasionally watch some tv shows, too). But you...heck, we've got to realize that it's not something we need, and in fact we'd be happier without it.

I'm still hanging in there and starting my shovavim fasting tomorrow.

slightly bizarre this one - just been thinking about triggers etc.

I have a regular bowel movement in the morning. However, sometimes I need to go in the evening as well. Now the reason I'm telling you this is because I realised that the times I have been tempted to look at bad things online and then, inevitably, acted out, have been when I have needed to use the toilet in the evening.

It is almost as if the sensation of needing to empty my bowels tricks my brain and makes it think i am very aroused and need to relieve myself in a bad way as well.

Is this completely insane? Or has anyone else ever experienced anything like this?

Apologies for lowering the tone!!

NO U ARE NOT INSANE!!!

THE BAIS HAKISEH IS A DANGEROUS PLACE

THERE IS A REASON WE CAN'T THINK ABOUT TORAH IN MAKOM HATINOFES


TRY TO FUGGEDABOUTIT (OH YOU ARE ENGLISH ,PARDON)

TRY TO BLOCK IT OUT BY IGNORING IT



IF YOU KNOW THIS IS THE SITUATION

TAKE CONTROL

DONT BRING YOUR LAPTOP OR BLACKBERRY (OH YOUR MOBILE)

INTO THE BATHROOM (PARDON, LOO)


TZADDIK I AM BEING HUMOROUS  SO YOU CAN ALSO BE HAPPY AND FUNNY

LAUGH IN THE YH's ROTTEN FACE

AND SAY

I CAN TAKLE CONTROL OF THIS

WANNA SEE??


(IGUESS THATS NOT TOO DOVISH ,HEY HOW DOVISH CAN I GET??)

GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

KEEP ON LORRY-ING (TRUCKING)

to clarify, I don't take computer or anything into the toilet!

the problem is this - in an evening, I may have a stomach ache and a need to empty my bowels. Let's say that need starts at say 10pm but I don't actually have need to go to the toilet till 10:30pm.

What will happen is that in that half an hour, I will be convinced I am incredibly aroused and really need to act out even though I never do at that point. Then, even after I've been to the toilet, it is too late to turn back and I often end up within the next hour in front of my computer looking at bad things.

So having noticed this weird pattern of behaviour, it struck me perhaps that my brain was becoming convinced that I am desperate to act out and have a need for want of a better word, when actually it is just a need to go to the toilet.

I know what you'd say - the yetzer hora will use any trick he can. But still, this is odd isn't it?