Reb SITUK, I think you can still consider yourself a tinuk shenishba - your troubles now stem from an problem that started long ago - and unfortunately, because of how twisted the world is, you had no idea that there was anything wrong with getting involved in those things.

Heck, even within certain orthodox communities, watching movies is considered OK, even if they contain all sorts of things we shouldn't be seeing.

So you're starting out fighting against something that you grew up being told (in some way or another) was OK. That's an incredibly difficult fight, and it would be naive to think that it's would be easy! It is truly a war, and a war is fought in terms of a long-term victory, not simply winning one battle (although winning battles is good :D).

You're constantly growing and changing, and reminding yourself of how you WANT to be, can be one of the tools you use to help. No one is perfect, we just have to remember which path we ideally would like to walk on.

I know you're right. Still, it's a struggle.

The key for me is to stay happy - and to avoid acting out which of course makes me incredibly unhappy. If only in moments of temptation I didn't forget just how miserable I'd be making myself.

I know - it's so easy to focus on the temporary fake pleasure. It's so tempting.

That's part of why GYE helps - it helps us remember what we need to do, what's important, and what we really want.

And the fact that you're involved with this, and the very fact that you ARE struggling, and not giving in (as most of world has done) should make you smile, even if just for a few moments.

How you holding up Mate?? 

trying hard - thanks for asking.

Keeping smiling and keeping myself away from bad things

Struggling in the UK wrote on 21 Dec 2009 22:42:
Nu? What could be better?

help!
i was on day 11 and got tempted.
Istarted looking at sites and acting out but as i have mentioned before, without any real pleasure from it. As a result i didn't even complete the act as it were and just stopped.
i've had enough and will sort k9 with a gabbai on here.
But do i have to start the count of days again? /it's weird but that thought depresses me so s o much.
thanks

to clarify question, i obviously have done the aveiro of pogum habris not to mention failing to be shomer aynayim. But i wasn't oiver szl.

Yeah, I think the clock gets restarted. I'm sorry, I can only imagine the difficulty you must feel at having to start again.

But remember that this fall got you to where you are now - which is, ready to start using a filter! And that's a huge step forward! So look at it that way, you're starting again, but better prepared than ever before!

YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!

I don't feel it :-(

does anyone have lots of thoughts of self-harm etc when they have fallen? I just feel so low now - not in a kind of 'it doesn't matter, you're going to gehinom so you may as well have fun' type way. More in a 'i want to seriously hurt myself' way.

it is a horrible feeling.

Struggling in the UK wrote on 27 Dec 2009 08:47:


Yes. I did (feel like hurting myself).
You have to try to not get yourself down about it. You fell, OK, give the Y"H that korban, now live the rest of the day for you and HaShem.
It's not the battle lost or won that counts, it's the overall war. Even the best general loses a battle or two, but not the war.

And especially with your history, you KNOW that it's not coming from a place of realizing how terrible the aveirah is, in a way of emes - rather, it's coming from the yetzer hora - and he's ALL about sheker.
So if you want to listen to the yetzer tov, then smile, and know that by doing so, you're doing what hashem wants.

And what we want, here - we want you to be happy! And it's even better, since we (certainly me, and i think everyone would agree with me) know that you're on the right track, and you're working to improve yourself, and that being happy will help you in that!

Can I ask if you've ever gone to therapy?

no i haven't

why do you ask?