Forget it man. Mate. Or whatever they say in england. Put being sorry aside. Dont think about. Dont think about that hashem thinks your faking or whatever. Hashem wants you to think about your addiction. The future. What to do to get past it. If you want it to sound more jewish he wants you to think of azivas hachet. Thats it. How do i know this?? ?? ?? ? Simple! All the other thoughts havent gotten me ,you, or anyone else for that matter, past this stupidity. Trial and error. This doesnt work. What we have to do is learn the techniques to get past our addiction. And when were a safe distance then we can start looking at Gemaras and Sha'arei Teshuvahs and all the other wonderful seforim and see what we should do from there. Till then keep the books shut. The only book we should have open is the AA/SA book. Sorry for coming over harsh but im just talking from the heart. Love you and Hatzlacha bro.

Thank you Imtrying, for taking the words out of my mouth!

This is an addiction, a disease. Dealing with it as an "aveira" or as a struggle with the Yetzer Hara doesn't get us very far. We are allergic to lust, and we need to learn the tools to finding freedom from its hold and changing our way of thinking. We need an inner change.

Try Duvid Chaim's phone conference or therapy... But if that's too extreme at this point, try to read the AA Big book and the SA White Book.

Look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that it's the yetzer hora talking. And you know it is, because look where it's gotten you! Keep reminding yourself of that. Every gemara he brings you, every medrash he quotes - it can all sound very nice, but it ends up with you having a miserable shabbos.

The yetzer hora will gladly appear frum if it'll bring you down. He can show up with a long beard and peyos. It's still the same yetzer hora. And we can never improve while listening to him.

You know what's right, even if it may be hard to accept at times. Being happy, and enjoying your victories is the only way to get to azivas hachet (as both IT25 and Kanesher (elsewhere) pointed out. And THAT, according to rebeinu yonah, is the first step.

So like IT25 said, you need to figure out what'll get you closer to that. The fact is that from what I understand, there's a classic cycle in addiction - you give in, you feel bad about giving in, so you seek comfort for that shame and guilt. Where? in lust! Then you feel bad about that, so...you get the point.

Feeling good about the positive steps you've taken...taking more steps, using that positive energy in the right way!

Have a great week of aliyah - of YOUR aliyah, measured on YOUR scale - you need to ask, "have I taken steps that will bring me closer to my gaol?" Those steps include reading the emails, the SA/AA books, the handbooks, therapy, conference calls...take the steps that you need, and realize that it's the most powerful move in avodas hashem that you can make!

I am trying!

Maybe it's my yetzer hora (or possibly my yetzer tov depending on what way you view this) but I often have nights, and right now is one of them, that I think to myself 'if I weren't frum, I would definitely get my computer to bad sites and start acting out now'.

However I am and so for once I'm going to do the right thing! Off to bed!!

Woohoo! (virtual high-five emoticon)!

As much fun as the yetzer hora makes it look, isn't it great to be frum?

You rock, man!

Struggling in the UK wrote on 14 Dec 2009 00:42:

Hey Mate. Noone meant to say yous wasnt tryin. If it came out dat way wes sorry. But most importantly keep up the fantastic work. Your holding up the UK section of this battle. So alots dependant on you.

i wasn't offended or took anything badly.

Does anyone else have those moments when they think in another world I'd be acting out now. I guess that's when we're succeeding (in a way - i know the person on a higher level would never even think that but I'm not there). The times I fail are when I ignore the fact that I have chosen a different path for my life.

I think I know what you mean - there's a whole world out there for whom this "pleasure" is normal and acceptable...but I think you have it right - we're so lucky to be part of a group that realizes how wrong it is, and how destructive it is!

I think I'll quote this beautiful saying in today's Chizuk e-mail:

The times I fail are when I ignore the fact that I have chosen a different path for my life

Thanks guard for pinting that out. I guess seeing it in bolder print and blue made me realize the depths and trueness of this beautiful profound line. thanks SIUK

profound 

imtrying25 wrote on 15 Dec 2009 12:16:


Yeh, especially the blue...

That is so true, Reb Guard, and deep in the truest sense of the word - not because it's complicated, or hard to understand, but because of its realness on the deepest level...thank you!

hate to bring it back down to my level but the trouble with seeing those words is it makes me more depressed about the fact that my 'acting out' is totally against the life I have chosen.

As I have said before, I have no depression about the years of internet abuse and daily (usually more than once) 'acting out' before I was a baal teshuva. I really was a tinok shenishba and had no idea that what I was doing was bad at all. I thought it was totally 'normal' which I guess it still is in many ways.

My depression stems from the last 18 months when I restarted in a low moment and haven't been able to kick it despite two clean years before.

The weird thing is, in those two years I rarely ever thought about porn or 'acting out' (I admit there were a few days I thought about it but only 2 or 3 in two years). But now I can't go a day or two without thinking about some movie I saw online.

That's why I can see the 90 days is so important because if I can make it, while not cured, I will have forgotten the last things I saw which still fill and pollute my mind.

Yakov Shwartz sent me this e-mail after I quoted this quote (in blue) in today's chizuk e-mail:

great quote today:
"The times I fail are when I ignore the fact that I have chosen a different path for my life."
I can definitely relate to that quote.  It is so important for recovering addicts to constantly remind themselves of the the new path they have chosen.  During my early days of recovery (only 10 months ago) I would constantly review this. Thanks.
keep up the great work.