Wow, Saturday nights used to be the absolute worst.
Especially since I would come in from such a high from Shabbos.
I remember praying at maariv that this motzash would be different. And it almost never was.


You guys gave really changed my life. Now, motzash is time for a bit of learning, reading, and friends.

You know, i have the same feelings. I always dread davening maariv on MS cuz i know things just wont feel the same afterward. I really love shabbos. I dont know why but i look foward to shabbos the whole week.

it's not cos i love Shabbos - though i do.

It's just that on Shabbos there is no chance of me turning on laptop and going to bad sites. So I can't fall

i fell :-(

i feel sooo sooo sooo depressed.

I just really hurt my foot kicking a wall in anger and frustration.

I was on day 13 and was feeling really good about myself. I feel like all the progress I've made was for nothing. I feel like all the times I was walking around feeling shtark and good about myself and my connection to Hashem has been totally wasted.

I just want to cry

No way! 13 days of being holy and pure! That's a huge accomplishment, and nothing can take that away from you (unless you say that you regret having done it). It's like a solid investment in a bank that's there for life (and beyond), and no recession can hurt it!

Of course it hurts when you fall. And naturally, you feel down about it. But I think you have a right (even now) to feel good about holding yourself back for 13 days - yes, to feel proud of your accomplishment! 13 days of bringing kedusha into the world, 13 days worth of effort, making this world into a better place! The chofetz chaim says regarding lashon hora (and I think the same would apply here) that someone who restrains themselves even for an instant merits reward that the angels cannot fathom. That's even if after that one instant, he goes on to say the lashon hora. Now, imagine if he held himself back from saying lashon hora for 13 days?!

Your nisayon now is to not let the yetzer hora get you down, to move forward and start again, figure out what you can change to make this time even more successful.

We're all with you, cheering for you...

Question to help me avoid falling again - honest answer please...

Does K9 software slow the internet speed down at all? I want to sign up with a password gabbai but am worried that my internet speed with suffer

i know it sounds like I'm not really wanting to commit. I am - i would pay $10,000 to turn the clock back five hours.

thanks

I'm somewhat of a computer pro, and in my experience, K9 does NOT slow down your connection.

Also, your 13 clean days are an inspiration. Don't feel down!

More than the yetzer harah wants you to sin, he wants you to feel depressed!!!!! Don't let him take that too!!

Struggling in the UK wrote on 07 Dec 2009 13:50:
I aint no computer maven but since i installed my k9 i havent noticed anything slowing down. And dont let that sniveling yh get you down. One of the side affects of the 90 days is that when we fall we feel like what we did is nothing. NOTHING COULD BE FARTHER FRON THE TRUTH! Every second counts to hashem no matter how many times we fall. So just pick yourself up and brush yourself off and keep on truckin!! And remember take it 1 day at a time or maybe 1 hour at a time.

thanks for the messages

I am DESPERATE to get to 90 days and beat this.

You know what? I don't even like looking at pornography. I used to find it a real turn on before I was frum. But in the last year since I restarted - I was clean just over two years from June 2006 to July 2008 - I have been so convinced that it is against the will of Hashem that I can't say I have even enjoyed watching it. I am disgusted not just afterwards but even during!

However it is like there is this sick compulsion driving me, making me continue. As though it is something I need to do, even though it is almost against my will.

Anyone else experience this?

Yes of course alot of us experience this. ADDICTION!
I feel the same. I feel like theres this undercurrent making me do things even though i dont want to and dont even enjoy it anymore. But we have to realize that this is addiction and we have to ake the proper steps to deal with it.

so what's the answer? Just willpower I guess.

I have read all the stuff on GYE and I know some talk about SA groups etc. I might be wrong, but I think I'd be laughed out of the room if I went there.

I agree with imtrying25 - this is an addiction and we both seem to be doing things we really don't want to do as if compelled by some terrible force even though we don't even enjoy it.

However, I know in the goyishe world masturbation is viewed as 'normal' and even (cv''s) 'healthy'. If statistics are correct, the average man my age masturbates 5 times a week.

Now if that these stats are true, is a man who comes in and says 'I'm a sex addict because after 13 days I was tempted to masturbate' really going to be taken seriously?! I'm not by the way disagreeing with your diagnosis but aren't SA groups for people with compulsive masturbation addicitions (can't work as they are masturbating 4-5 times a day) or have constant one-night stands etc.

My wife is expecting our fourth iy''H so it's not like we have a very active sex life either as she's very tired. So, in their world I would seem positively undersexed!! Not a sex addict.

Thoughts?

My understanding is that m**** is a no no in SA.

Try pm'ing Dov. He'll give you a better understanding of all this. And its not all about willpower. But for better understanding try getting hold of Dov. Its worth it.

I think the point is that there's something you want to stop desperately, and even though you feel terrible about it, you're having a lot of trouble doing so.

As far as your relationship with your wife, that's totally not my area - but perhaps you should talk to a rebbe about that, see if you can get some ideas to improve things? Do you think that would help with your overall problem at all?

there's not problem with my wife. I was merely pointing out that being someone who has relations once a week at most and then has fallen after nearly two week, could I really classify for SA?

For avoidance of doubt, I am not by any means trying to justify my actions. I know pogum habris, zera levatalah etc are ossur and that is that. I no more want to do it than wear a shaatnez coat or eat treif. I am merely questioning whether in the eyes of a goyishe SA group, i really had a sex addiction.

I would have thought they would be surprised I don't fall more!!!

The key is - and forgive me, I am speaking with no real knowledge of SA! - they aren't based on Torah. Their fundamentals are underpinned by the idea than addictive and excessive sexual behaviours can be destructive and I am not sure my behaviour falls into the category of excessive at all.

My problem is simply that I am doing something that Hashem doesn't want me to do. And if I do it once a month or once a year, that is too often. Not because it is excessive, but because it is an aveiroh and distances me from the Ribona Shel Olam.

I also worry about who I'd be hanging out with. I have a vivid imagination and I worry hearing what people have done would have a bad effect on me and make me possibly fall. I would have thought I'd be better off hanging out at the kollel and surrounding myself with the yungerleit.

Apologies if my view of SA are not shared by others