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To tell or not to tell

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: To tell or not to tell 15837 Views

Re: To tell or not to tell 27 Jan 2017 18:23 #304479

Markz
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Aryeh821 wrote on 27 Jan 2017 17:38:

I'm also a yeshivah bachur and i went tthrough be'erach 5 years of porn and masturbation before i finally decided to tell me parents. it also took an e-mail converation and phone call with dov and some other members and a shmuz from my mashgiach (no shichis addiction it was a shaboss shuvah drashah) about doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a differant result . The advice i got was not to go into specifics just enough for my father too supe up the filters and to get me a psychologist he was extremely understanding telling me how its normal and not to get depressed or anything ETC,, and he got me a psychologist which has helped me beyond anything i imagined . Revealing(to safe people) really brings relief . my one only regret is that i didn't tell him sooner
do you know what you want to get out of telling your father?

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Re: To tell or not to tell 29 Jan 2017 03:57 #304503

Hashem Help Me
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This thread should make us all appreciate GYE. Being that no such concept existed when I was a bochur and I unfortunately did not seek out help, I suffered IMMENSELY for years. It was a painfully lonely journey with the constant thought that I was one of the very few people (losers/reshaim) who did this issur. I beg you TALK TO SOMEONE. You obviously how common this issue is and how people have with Hashem's help recovered. From your description of your father it sounds like he will be very supportive. If you are uncomfortable, almost every yeshiva has someone trained to deal with this. Hashem should bench you with much hatzlocha. You are obviously a special individual for you have reached out here for help. We will cheer you along and be available to help in any way possible.

Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: To tell or not to tell 30 Jan 2017 14:25 #304602

thatslife OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 65 Karma: 3	WOW such an outpouring of support and answers. thanks a lot everyone out there. to see everybody worried for another anonymous yid is quite amazing and sobering.
	Don't take life too seriously:wink:

Re: To tell or not to tell 30 Jan 2017 14:42 #304604

thatslife
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Posts: 65
Karma: 3

i'm sorry for not saying this earlier but here goes: before i started looking at porn, a year before to be exact i was being molested for about 3-4 months. i don't know if i can call it molested, it was more of a relationship with another male my age. it was because of that that i started to look for something else to excite me, and stumbled upon porn. then it was just downhill form there...i feel like crying now...please help me work thru this, all of you

Don't take life too seriously:wink:

Re: To tell or not to tell 30 Jan 2017 16:37 #304612

Hashem Help Me Current streak: 2918 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 4063	Crying is very helpful and we are here for the long haul to cheer you on. You're a lot more than "another anonymous yid" (even though we have no hasaga how great every yid is); you are a super yid for reaching out for help! Be proud. It is probably worthwhile for you to discuss the molestation with a professional who is trained in that field. It's good to detox. Hatzlocha!
	Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: To tell or not to tell 08 Feb 2017 15:56 #305278

thatslife OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 65 Karma: 3	i had such a drastic and disgusting fall, that i decided enough is enough, and im gonna tell my parents
	Don't take life too seriously:wink:

Re: To tell or not to tell 08 Feb 2017 16:09 #305282

Markz OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 8282 Karma: 427	thatslife wrote on 08 Feb 2017 15:56: i had such a drastic and disgusting fall, that i decided enough is enough, and im gonna tell my parents Sorry to hear #1 Happy to hear #2 Time to change the title of your thread, cos thatslife
	My Story---------Dov Quotes *FREE LUST TRUCK TOWING* *Click HERE to checkout;* • 100 Day Success Stories: cordnoy, Dov, Gevura and more... • Awesome Threads Saved for You • Cast Your Vote ➣ GYE Plenty Solutions ➣ The Mark of Torah - Lust Chizuk ➣ Nice Trucking Story

Re: To tell or not to tell 08 Feb 2017 18:50 #305302

mayanhamisgaber Current streak: 44 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1199 Karma: 71	thatslife wrote on 08 Feb 2017 15:56: i had such a drastic and disgusting fall, that i decided enough is enough, and im gonna tell my parents sorry to here about the fall but kudos to you for picking yourself up! May i suggest talking to a rebbe or professional on how to tell your' parents
	very important thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21" option="guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/19180-FEEL-THE-HUGS%21%21%21">FEEL THE HUGS!!!

Re: To tell or not to tell 08 Feb 2017 22:16 #305329

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	I would highly suggest getting advice about telling parents.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: To tell or not to tell 08 Feb 2017 23:01 #305344

Hashem Help Me Current streak: 2918 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 4063	Your courage says a lot about you! People like you make it b'ezras Hashem. Keep us posted how it goes.
	Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: To tell or not to tell 09 Feb 2017 07:55 #305381

Singularity Current streak: 72 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder To write, or not to write? Posts: 1507 Karma: 78	Sorry 'bout the fall Good that pain provokes action. Please ride on the inspiration for higher things! Surf that truckin' wave! KO ~~S~~
	"Vegeta, what does the scouter say about his sobriety level?" "... It's over NINE-ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" One day... At A Time :-D Introduce Yourself and get a free karma point from yours truley! My Thread

Re: To tell or not to tell 10 Feb 2017 04:08 #305502

jasonb OFFLINE Fresh Boarder Posts: 1 Karma: 0	A close friend of mine had an almost identical scenario to yours his rebbi told him "It is better if your father knows now than your wife later." He also suggested not getting his mother involved if possible since it would be harder for her to understand the struggles of a man and that his father could yield more applicable advice. Hatzlacha

Re: To tell or not to tell 13 Feb 2017 14:13 #305708

thatslife OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 65 Karma: 3	Shlomo24 wrote on 08 Feb 2017 22:16: I would highly suggest getting advice about telling parents. so give me some advice:blush:
	Don't take life too seriously:wink:

Re: To tell or not to tell 13 Feb 2017 14:48 #305717

shlomo24 Current streak: 1 day OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 2213 Karma: 135	From a competent Rebbi or someone who is qualified to deal with this. Not me. I'm not qualified.
	If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: To tell or not to tell 13 Feb 2017 15:03 #305722

thatslife OFFLINE Senior Boarder Posts: 65 Karma: 3	Shlomo24 wrote on 13 Feb 2017 14:48: From a competent Rebbi or someone who is qualified to deal with this. Not me. I'm not qualified. if you'll read my earlier posts, you'll see that the only person i'm close enough to speak to speak to him about this, is my father. so now what?
	Don't take life too seriously:wink: