Hello, 

This is a really great website. Kudos to the founders. some of the stories here seem really incredible almost hard to believe. 

My question is,​In one of the signatures from one of the members here was a link to a video describing how a lack of having deep meaningful personal relationships is a cause for addiction. So what do you do if you are incapable of forming those relationships due to emotional problems?

Welcome!

I have the same issue. It's hard for me to connect with people, let alone care about people enough to create a strong relationship. Every connection with someone I have seems superficial. A Shabbos meal here, a squash game there, maybe a tea somewhere along the line. A Chavrusa even. But I could just pluck out of the process and I feel there wouldn't be any repercussion.

So how do you create something actually meaningful?

I don't know.

But What I do know is a strong 12-step principle: Be of Service.
Either you'll be too busy to act out, or you'll have too much self worth to want to debase yourself.
And I understand that it's difficult especially when every fibre of your being is in distress from the formulation of a relationship, or actual connection. Maybe start out superficially. Pack a food box for the needy. Teach someone Torah who is struggling. Be creative.
I know it's cheesy but my "service" is for my wife. Like, I try help as much as I can. It's dumbed down because people expect such service. Yezter Hora chessed is the kind that HAS to be something extraordinary. But the small things, getting coffee, changing nappies (diapers?), go unnoticed, but they're the real chessed. The real service.
Are you married? If not, help out your parents. Or siblings. Older sister needs help Shabbos cleaning? I could think of worse things to do on a Thursday night, if you catch my drift.
My hope is that the relationship and connection stem from the dedication. But I'm only putting it into practice myself now May we be matzliach!

farblunjet wrote:

Welcome to gye!
I have a hard time in real life forming relationships. No one in shul knows me, you can check my story for more

Can I assume you have a therapist...
What does he / she suggest?

Thanks for the replies! (@markz I think I saw the video your footer. )

not married and not likely to happen anytime soon. (If at all). Not social, so I cannot distract my self that way. I'm in my high 20's.

What are people who are not married do? Since Puberty I have not gone more than a week or two without masturbating.

Yes to be of service is a good enough reason to get yourself out of bed, but how do you get yourself to fall asleep? 

A few years ago started planning a suicide, went to a few therapists, got anxiety medication, now less anxious, started doing some volunteer work (which is very hard for me) which gave my life more of a purpose. but still I do need a release every couple days. And if you are not married you cannot hold out indefinitely, it's unrealistic.

I have been trying to push myself lately, another day an extra day. But I don't see an end.

When you're ready to join me in the land of fiction give me a buzz, and sometimes this fiction is stranger than your current reality

Markz wrote on 15 Jan 2017 17:06:

And I, being married, feel that one cannot last indefinitely when married either, so, basically we are doomed until we die.....unless of course, we do somethin' about it.

B'hatzlachah

on day 7 now. want to say alot of bad words. 

becoming cranky and moody. 

Sorry to hear 

hey I didn't hear any #%^&@$ 

Is there someone in your life that you can reach out to - a coach, rabbi...?

Be proud of those 7 days!  I used to have that overpowering urge to curse. But we all know that we really don't have to do it. We are rooting for you. You are going to be successful with Hashem's help.

Can't hold out indefinitely? Like you can't hold your breath indefinitely either. I'll let Dov explain.

BTW, wives are not sex toys. Married men don't get sex whenever they feel the urge. Marriage does not solve this problem.

farblunjet wrote on 22 Jan 2017 02:50:

Withdrawal is quite normal.

I forgot to say welcome. You're in the right place.

First of all please take time to read through the GYE handbook.  No two people are the same, everyone has a slightly different set of circumstances, but we all share this problem and since we share the problem we can share the solution too. The book is written in a general way so it can apply to everyone. I found it helpful to really think about what the book was saying and how it applied to me and my own life.

This is a very common problem nowadays, you're far from the only one to deal with it. The word addict gets thrown around quite a lot, but most people who struggle with this issue are not addicts, just normal people with a normal yetzer hora. Which is good. Some people have come to realise that they really are addicts because their situation got gradually worse and worse despite working on it. When I say worse I mean, in frequency, severity or just feeling worse after every slip. If that is the case we may need more than GYE, which most people find to be therapy or SA or both. But I wouldn't jump to that conclusion about you. Many people have overcome this challenge right here on GYE using the tools in the handbook.

So stick around. Keep posting, keep reading and keep on trucking.

Watson, although your comments were not addressed to me i want to thank you for them. Some people on the forums seem to think its a mitzva to convince people they are addicts. Your words are a breath of fresh air.

II am an addict.

Most of you probably are not.

cordnoy wrote on 22 Jan 2017 16:03:

I'm slowly learning this. 
I just assume everyone's like me