I was already so good! I was clean for 212 day never in my live before, now mistakenly i fund a way to override my filter... and now back to the bottom..

Lovely Jew wrote on 07 Dec 2016 17:22:


No you're not. You can get back up and move on knowing that you were able to do as well as you did, and you can see what you can learn from this.

Lovely Jew wrote on 07 Dec 2016 17:22:

There's only direction after the bottom - as WG said ;-)

What would you do brother if no filters existed in the World (wide web)

Lovely Jew wrote on 07 Dec 2016 17:22:

I know the feeling but I disagree, you haven't hit bottom unless you make it your bottom, talking from own experience....

YidFromMonsey wrote on 07 Dec 2016 19:12:

I've hit bottom many times.
 oneI can always keep digging deeper.

Regardless, climbing out might have been the more difficult choice, but it's the one that I'm proud I took.

Lovely Jew wrote on 07 Dec 2016 17:22:


Been there my friend. Many times.

I've relapsed after long (what is considered long, anyway) stretches of sobriety. It's depressing.

I've felt many times that my filter let me down. I lost my sobriety because the filter didn't block what I typed in! Stupid filter, it's all your fault!

I've come to realise that my sobriety is not lost when I orgasm. It's not lost when I clicked the first porn site. It's lost as soon as I start trying to get round the filter.

For me, when I start trying to get round the filter, I will definitely click on a porn site. No doubt about it. When I click on a porn site I will definitely watch porn. No doubt about it. When I watch porn I will definitely masturbate. No doubt about it.

Sure, something could happen that stops me dead in my tracks. My wife might come home, the internet might break, aliens might visit from another galaxy. But Those just delay the inevitable. The orgasm is going to happen sooner or later and I'm in the lust bubble until then.

My disease had me convinced that these things were not inevitable, so it's not so bad to watch a few minutes. What about the time I watched for half an hour and didn't masturbate. And the time I started and stopped in the middle. See, I can get away with lust. I took action of lust and didn't finish the deed.

Right away. I didn't finish the deed right away. That's key. Once I start, I can't stop. I can delay, but I can't stop. My disease is a big fat liar! Once I start trying to get round the filter the relapse is inevitable. I can make a big show about how much I don't want to relapse. I can call people, I can go to a meeting, but I can't stop mid-stream.

What I find is that there is a gap, a very small gap of time between thinking about watching porn and going over to my computer to break the filter. Sometimes only a few seconds. Surrender is in those few seconds. I can't surrender earlier, it hadn't happened yet. I can't surrender later, it will be too late. Those few seconds are the key.

I have to make the choice. 1 - do nothing and the relapse will happen. 2 - turn my computer off, pick up my keys, leave the house and call another member.

It's a bit like slipping on ice. There's only a second to adjust myself, if I don't I'm going down, and it's gonna hurt.

What was going on that prompted you to start messing around with the filter?

Why the arichus? I normally write only a sentence or two. Well, that's because I'm lazy. But now I'm writing a lot because of exactly this reason. About an hour ago it occurred to me to use my phone to act out. Just like that, out of the blue. (Not really out of the blue, it's been a stressful week but that's besides the point). So I'm checking in here and typing a long post for myself. (Sorry about this, but this post is a selfish one, I need reminding and since I listen to myself more readily than others, I needed to write it). But the point is that my phone is turned off and in the cupboard. I'm not going to turn it back on until I've finished this post, had dinner, read from the big book and prayed.

I have a filter on my phone but I could get round it if I tried. No filter is perfect, I've got through them all. The only phone I can't find porn on is a phone that's turned off. So I'm using that to my advantage. I know for a fact that my phone cannot play any pornography while it's turned off.

I know the pain of feeling like all the progress was lost. 212 days gone, just like that. It's so disheartening. Who wants to be on day 1 instead of 213? I know it well.

My program used to be a program of 'how can I not masturbate?' That didn't serve me well at all. It has to be a program of 'how can I live comfortably without lust today?'

That's where one day at a time comes in. I don't get my comfort from having 212 clean days behind me. I get my comfort from having been free of lust today. I don't get joy from not watching porn yesterday. I get joy from the fact that an hour ago I turned my phone off. That's huge! That's the miracle! It's not based on my clean streak or 90 day chart, it's based on how I feel today and my attitude today.

So don't 'start over'. Make each day count, starting from today. There doesn't need to be any difference between day 1 and day 213. Your head may be telling you that but it's a lie. A lie designed to keep you in the dumps and stop your progress. Progress is doing your best today, connecting with Hashem today, having a good attitude today. Not looking back at the last 212 days and not looking forward to when you can get there again, but living each day to its fullest.

Feel better my friend. It's not the end of 212 days, it's the beginning of 24 hours.

Doc for prime minister!

Please continue being selfish.

Wow Watson, keep goin, great stuff!!!

That was incredible. Thank you. 

wow! i wouldn't mind another few selfish guys! anyways thanks a lot for all replies especially yours.

​what do you think is the best filter nowadays??  

Lovely Jew wrote on 07 Dec 2016 23:06:

CYM....it works on most platforms.

cordnoy wrote:

I can't wait for the new Wexit Poll thread - he gets my vote too

Just talking from my experiences. I think you need to actually internalize watson's post about having an internal filter and shut down before you actively pursue lust.
No filter will save you. A filter would only prevent a accidental click.
As a side note, what type of phone or device do you have, and which filter did you bypass? I can provide some suggestions.

cordnoy wrote on 07 Dec 2016 21:01:

Make Great Britain great again!