My Name is Yitz. I am 25. I've been addicted to pornography and masturbation since I was 8, but I didn't really start doing anything about it until I went to a treatment center last February. I did well while in treatment, but it wasn't long after I left that I was losing sobriety again and again.
I wish that was all that was wrong. I live alone and have never really taken care of myself. I hardly shower during the week, brush my teeth, keep a clean apartment, and I slack off and come late to my job. I used to sleep through classes and seder while in yeshiva. No one knew what was wrong with me. They've put me on meds, but it has done no good.
On top of that I have been in a spiritual decline. I never really got the hang of davening and tefilin. I'm a good learner, but after 4 years in Israel, I don't do that anymore. Worse is that I'm ashamed to say I've had trouble keeping shabbos for a while.
I used to go to a lot of meetings and call my sponsor and therapist regularly, but for the past few weeks I haven't done anything. I had 60 days sober, and then I've been losing it once a week for the past few weeks.
I know that everything that I've said so far, that to turn it around takes will power. But my will is telling me to do what I want right now, which is to sleep and watch TV. I don't have the will to turn my will to something else. Besides that I have an issue turning my will to Hashem which I will explain at a different time. But I am here, among fellow yidden, to try to see what I can do. I need help. I know right now I am self-centered and self-destructive. What do I do?
I've also been dating a girl for a little while. She knows about my porn problem. If I don't get this under control. I will lose her.

Dearest sweetest Yitz,

U came to the right place! The mere fact that you belong to this holy group will lead you eventually to sanity and sobriety!
Forget about will power of the lack off it, we don't use that stuff around here we found out the hard way that it doesn't work for us!

Here is the stuff that will work and let me have the honor of presenting to u the official welcome to the forum from the master himself, the Great Guard! or as he is affectionately known here Rabienu Guard

All the love in the world and warmest and sincerest prayers to your success!!!

Here goes ..........(pay attention he knows what he's talkin about;))


Welcome to our community! Once you've arrived, there?s no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up, up, up! Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You?re worth it. Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can?t be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week? This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps ? which is known to be the world?s most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people. You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn?t jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn?t be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc? So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they?ve tried already, and if those steps haven?t worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented". And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won?t be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it?s anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not?Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.1) The GuardYourEyes HandbookThis Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!2) The GuardYourEyes AttitudeThe Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth?May Hashem be with you!

Thank you so much for welcoming me to this wonderful community. I have a very good feeling that this will be a very positive experience for me. When you say all the the love in the world, it means a lot to me. It is something that I've lost in recent years, a real love for others. I used to have that, and it is something I want back, but am not sure how. Again Thank you.
I notice on the sidebar under your name it said Filter = Jnet/Blackberry. Do you actually have a filter for your blackberry? I have been looking for one for quite a while and cannot find one.

Hopeful322 wrote on 22 Nov 2009 04:46:


YES!!! 866866JNET is their #. and its relatively inexpensive - the main reason I got the BB was because this is the only filter available (that I know of) for handhelds! I was very muck attached to my Treo which was part of the Palm family. I've since become a Blackberry addict like all the rest of em

Great! I just know that you are gonna make it to Sobrietyand Sanity!!! Sticl with us here.

Guards handbooks are really good! Did you have a chance to download them yet?

Post Away!!!

Fiery love to a hero member

Noorah

Welcome Yitz,

Welcome to the forum.

Thankyou for calling out.  That's already HOPEFUL.

  --Eye.

Welcome Yitz youve come to the right place. The fact that youve joined us says alotin it of itself. There are really alot of good people on this site so take full advantage. We all want whats best for you so Hatzlacha and may you be succesful in all your battles. And if your calling out theres always hope. Thers hope to those who realize they need help.