Hey guys, so I actually haven't been on this site in well over a year. My reason for getting back in is that I'm starting to realize that I really do need group support. I have, BH, a little over two months clean time (1st day sober was 8/25/16) and I made it through a combination of short Taphsic's and a really good friend of mine who is in AA. What I'm having an issue with is that I see all of these people on the forums saying "I had 9 months clean time and then I fell" or "I had a year of clean time and then I fell." When I look at that, I think to myself, "man...I only have a little over two months clean time, I'm really screwed then!" How do I stay focused on my sobriety without comparing myself to everyone else's clean time and relapses? Any tips would be really greatly appreciated!!!

Brother there are so many combination of factors that apply to each one of us, that it's not really the right road to compare one guy who slipped after 90 days to another. And therefore to base your sobriety on someone else's TRUCK manual isn't always gonna work. 

Some are FFB, some are BT like yourself, some were introduced to dirty stuff by bad friends, but some  were abused in their childhood. 

Theres many more variables, eg personality type (see my story), which is why I would not go down that road

I needed sobriety, Gd showed me Gye, and I'm doing what I personally need for my Trucking. 

I hope you find what works for you too. Check "solutions" below, and maybe read some Dov quotes too which are found on the Free Towing page 

All the best and Keep on Trucking

There are many fellows here that have been sober for fifty days and sixty and thirty. There's plenty of everything here. There are even some that have three or eight days. 

B'hatzlachah

 Hey, thanks so much for your advice. Just a few questions, what's the TRUCK manual? Also,  I know I'm not trying to compare, but I think what worries me is that right now I feel empowered because I am doing really well on my 90 day journey, I've overcome a few challenges, and I guess I'm just  concerned that what if I get all of this clean time i.e. I get to nine months or even a year and then I fall just like that I'm back at square one?  Also, I don't know if anybody else has this issue, but one of the things that i initially took from GYE is that you don't have to feel like you have his dirty little secret anymore to hide from your wife. But the thing is my wife doesn't know about my struggle and she also doesn't know that I have an account on GYE or that I am actively using the program. So really, now my dirty little secret is the fact that I'm  engaged with a recovery program for Internet addiction.  I definitely do not want to tell her, that would be like suicide, but I also don't like this feeling of having this double life. Any suggestions on how to deal with that from anybody?

myk5775 wrote on 30 Oct 2016 15:30:

In my experience, sharing my struggles with my wife really helped a lot, 1) she thinks twice before asking me to go to triggering places, 2) the fact that she understands me helps  me be stronger in my battle, and 3) it's way harder to rationalize when she looks me in the eyes and asks "are  you sure it's ok?"

I'm not going to lie and say it's easy, IT IS DEFINITELY NOT EASY, but I felt like a huge boulder was taken off my chest when I opened up to her and I don't regret it one drop.

Don't worry about later....it won't help a bit.

regarding double life, focus on recovery.

As far as telling wife, don't.....unless a mentor/sponsor tells you to.

B'hatzlachah

I'm actually trying to find a sponsor, I requested one, but I don't know if he's even still active on the GYE site. Is there a way that I can have more direct contact with someone about being my sponsor? I'm looking for someone who can do deep emotional searching work, my friend from AA tells me that while the Taphsic method is good, I need to go more to the root of the problem than just dealing with the symptoms. I feel like a sponsor would really help me out with that. 

In my experience, the 12 steps aren't therapy. They are suggestions on how to live life. So deep, emotional work might not be what you're going to get in a sponsor. I don't think the 12 step methodology even gets to the "root" of the problem. If there is such a thing. In my opinion, therapy and 12 steps work hand in hand. But if you want emotional work, I suggest you go to a therapist.

Best advice.  Focus on recovery.  The rest is just a distraction.  If you fall, it's not back to square one.  There was a guy on here Eyenonymous.  You can find his ebook in my signature "Additional Tools".  He fell every so often, but he kept working the program and made tremendous progress.

For now, don't worry about telling your wife.  Focus on recovery.

cordnoy wrote on 30 Oct 2016 19:11: