II plan to get the followin' into my signature:

I might not be the most tactful
I certainly cannot be referred to as bashful.
My apologies for sayin' it straight (the way I see it)
But I cannot stand typin' fardreit.

Cheerleaders on the forum there are several
but pom poms and skirts never fit me well.
I might at times go for the jugular vein
And that might just cause you disdain.

My intentions, I hope, are somewhat pure
guess that's why they made me a moderator.
So I ask you forgiveness if I get under your skin
As long as you stop with your masturbatin'.

mirror wrote on 05 Mar 2017 14:19:

Firstly, you did not offend me at all.

GYE is a public forum and oneI is limitin' his prospects of recovery ifI he restricts suggestions, questions, advice and criticismI. As a matter of fact, I welcome it.

I don't know where the line shouldI be drawn. I know only regardin' myself, and even that is very little. I know guilt and shame is not beneficialI for me. I know that my recovery isI based on my inner emotions and feelings. That is why I work on anger, jealousy, fear, resentment and more. I ask God to help me with these. When those middos are squashed, there is a direct result (which is important for people to hear) to the amount of llustin'.

My Rosh Yeshiva says: we all need to know what our mission is (and that can take years, and it can change): presently, mine is not teshuvah and guilt; it is an issue with lust, and the recovery method is by workin' on my bad middos, of which there are many.

Once again, I welcome advise and no offense was taken.

Hatzlachah to all.

cordnoy wrote on 05 Mar 2017 23:57:


You are the most selfless, helpful, and caring self-centered egotistical and self-obsessed person I have ever met.

A quote from Rabbi Dr Abraham Twerski:

A lobster is a soft mushy animal that lives inside of a rigid shell. That rigid shell does not expand. Well, how can the lobster grow?

Well, as the lobster grows that shell becomes very confining and kind of the lobster feels itself under pressure and uncomfortable.

It goes under a rock formation to protect itself from predatory fish, casts off the shell and produces a new one.

Well eventually that shell becomes very uncomfortable as it grows… back under the rocks – good.

I think the lobster repeats this numerous times, the stimulus for the lobster to be able to grow is that it feels uncomfortable.

Ok, now if lobsters had doctors, they would never grow, because as soon as the lobster feels uncomfortable it goes to the doctor, gets a Valium, gets a Percocet, feels fine. Never casts off his shell. So, I think, what we have to realize – we have to realize is that times of stress are also times that are signals for growth. And if we use adversity properly, we can grow through adversity.

והמבין יבין

gibbor120 wrote on 09 Mar 2017 20:23:

Please get this in the award postin' section.

When Gibbor writes several paragraphs, it's really a doozie.

Thank you

Sounds you had a tough situation to deal with. It can be very frustrating when people who are "supposed" to be of a more esteemed nature let us down. Remember that they're human too. They make mistakes and they have failings in their lives. The title of Rebbi doesn't mean malach. I know for me however, that nobody caused me to be the person I was. While many people had an affect on how my personality became shaped and how I perceived myself, there is nobody responsible for my problems. I'm responsible for my problems. If I have an issue I deal with it. Blaming people is not only unproductive, it makes the problem worse. I have a decision to make, I can be happy or right. I want to be happy. So is my father still very flawed? Yes. But I'm a happy person who's independence is growing more and more. When I was in therapy before I got sober I just blamed everyone for causing all my issues. Did very little. Now I have taken my life in my own hands and I do the work I need to do. Ultimately it's up to my Higher Power, as he is my vitality, but I'm in charge of the effort. If I didn't make a decision to become healthy and do whatever was necessary to get there then I would be nowhere today.

Hatzlacha Rabah.

I'm writing this because I am aware of my status on this forum and I believe I can send a strong message. I've been struggling a bit for the past two weeks. I've been taking my will back in many areas of my life and it's affecting me. I haven't been taking strong actions of lust, but my discipline has been getting weaker and weaker. It kind of came to a head a couple of days ago. I was watching a cooking show and I was attracted to the chef. I sought comfort in him and I desperately wanted connection with him. He also seemed like a nice guy, which made it more triggering for me. The thought process was, "It's a cooking show, you can watch it!" Even though it was lustful and triggering FOR ME. That was a strong example of unwillingness. I then proceeded to watch YouTube for some hours, watching videos that I knew might have some lustful content in them, even though I thought they would be mostly clean. But I willingly allowed some lust in, which is not a good sign for my sobriety.

As a result of that event and realizing that I need to get back on the horse if I want to stay sober, I did a mini cheshbon hanefesh. I went on the YouTube app and looked at all my subscriptions. I asked myself, "Is any of this necessary for my life?" The answer is no. So I deleted the app and I have been avoiding YouTube since. I still find myself itching for it a bit and I am still escaping. The problem is me, not YouTube. However, I do think it was the right thing to do and I am feeling much more quality of sobriety over these last couple of days. 

My main point is that a couple of months ago I talked about this on GYE. I talked about how I watch YouTube and it's not triggering for me. But things have changed and I don't think that it's the right thing for me anymore. I wanted to make this public to show the forum and myself that 1) I don't know everything. 2) Things change with time. 3) Humility is necessary for sobriety. I also want to show that everyone has their failings and their own issues. I think there's a theme on GYE that some people are infallible (I'm not referring to myself). They aren't. And I want to be up front with how I am holding and not just "talk the talk." It's very easy to do that. But the hard things are usually the things that are helpful for me.

mh wrote on 20 Mar 2017 14:37:

Hi everyone,

Reading through this thread, I feel obligated to say that I am somewhat dismayed by some of the responses being given to the struggler who started it. I do agree that it would be very wise, if not crucial, for "strugglingtomakeit" to attend therapy and seek professional guidance. However, that does not negate the real support an anonymous forum such as this one can have for this individual.

One thing that I want to strongly encourage is the realization that a simple, "I get that you are in pain" and "I am here for you" can do wonders for someone struggling and that advice, and telling a person what to do is simply not the only way we provide support. Doing so may even have the opposite effect.

Being attuned to the person you're supporting and seeing how they are responding to what you say is also key. If you see that your support isn't helping or being met with resistance, take a step back and consider that what you said may not be what the person is ready for or what the person is needing for their issue. And nonetheless, even in those times, we can STILL BE THERE for that person. We can say to him that we may not know what you need right now to get past this, but we accept your struggle and hear your pain, and are always here for you to lean on.

This can make an awesome difference for a struggler.

And that is what this forum can be for many. I hope we can better make it so soon.

I came to GYE two and half years ago. I've been sober for two years. "From the struggle comes the reward." But really this doesn't have to be a struggle. It's only a struggle for as long as we keep fighting it. Also never be discouraged. To me life is a journey. Our society and our community is too often part of the now generation. Give this place a try, a real try and if it's not working for you, then maybe try something else or add something!  Do I have struggles from time to time, yes I do. But I no longer have the daily struggle with porn and masturbation. Just bear in mind that for me and many like me we realized that our issues went way deeper than porn and masturbation. That our acting our was a solution to our problems and not our problem itself. This may mean nothing for you. 

Live in the solution!!!

Hatzlacha

Perfectly stated with absolute eloquence. A perfect welcome mat.
serenity wrote on 02 Apr 2017 15:30:

So, 38 to the P and 38 to the M.

Wrong group, I know.

There is a bit of pressure to write somethin' profound (or, at least, it should make sense) for post # 10,000, especially after my dear friends Mark and Gevura threw down the gauntlet.

Truth be told, 10,000, like 90 or 38, is simply a number. Does it really represent somethin' epic? It means that I waste quite a bit of time, almost ten posts per day. Yes, perhaps there are several that helped myself and perhaps there are even a few where others were helped, but the bulk of them I'm sure were just some joke or wisecrack. There were even those that were hurtful as well. It just means that I have been here for a considerable amount of time and I have not yet gotten frustrated enough to leave for good (more on that later).

​But let us circle back to the beginnin' of this post, and contrary to most of my posts, this one will be lengthy: the Mincha thread, one that I am proud of. Why? Because it made a difference in my day and seemingly in others as well. I am an expert in selfishness. I have been doin' things for myself for decades. Always: what makes me happy. That's how I work. So the thread worked for me. Icin' on the cake was that it worked for others as well.

Recovery was different though. And perhaps it is worthy to repeat here the steps I took. You know that I don't spend much time thinkin' about addict vs. non-addict. I don't spend much time thinkin' about anythin' at all. It wasn't always like that. I came to this site by accident, of sorts. Yes, there were several decades of filth and smut in my days, but I always stopped, at least for a week or two, or more. Recovery and lack thereof did not consume my life. I was fine with the pattern. Of course, yamim noraim (mostly), I'd cry and beg and resolve to sin no longer. Some years I even threw in the towel and made a deal with God that I'll do lots of good in other areas and let's just hide this issue in the closet. 

But eventually, there was a rock bottom of sorts. That, together with a push, encouragement, threat of exposure from a woman friend of the family (whom I must have been tryin' to seduce) put me on a course of action. And that action wasn't a snap of the fingers. And it wasn't without heartache and pain. I went 90 days sober (so to speak). I engaged a long distance therapist, a professional who is recommended by GYE. I joined SA in a city an hour away from me. I was there for about eight months. I went to a local therapist/specialist on and off for about two years. I got two sponsors, one Jewish, one not. I joined calls and eventually led calls. I have been workin' the steps in some way or another for several years. I read the big book, white book, action book and 12&12. I am on my sixth cycle. And I post as well, every once in a while. 

Talkin' to live people really does wonders. Posts are different when I know the poster and they know me. It makes it more real. (This is an important point to know for anyone who spends time on the forum.) 

GYE gave me the opportunity to personally meet many fine fellows. I will list them, for I thank each and every one of them for their friendship, advice, suggestions, criticisms, etc. 
Pidaini
Lizhensk
Big moish
Gibbor (need more)
Skeptical (although we need a better meet)
DD
Unanumun
Laasos
Still going
Zemmy
Jake
Innastruggle
Lavi
Pischoshelmachat
Fresh start
RGT
Kilochalu
Misgaber
SB

I was within a hundred feet from:
Gevura
Guard
Shlomo

I have had private and personal conversation with:
Grow strong
TZ
Dov
Real simcha
Godhelp
OTR
ShmielZ
Shteiger
Yesod
Dms123456789
Yesod
Workin'guy
Laughin'man
Serenity
MoB
MarkZ
Yidtryin'harder
Chullent kin'
Trouble
Belmont
ShmuliK
Boropark yid
Israel61320
Watson
Mggmbs
YosefTH
Appearance

I have been in touch with:
Yiraishamaim
Maayan
NIC
Aryeh
Hashivalisassonyishechaimisgabecha
Shivisi
PeloniAlmoni
Eli
Lifnei
Lomed
Shtiebel
SIB14628
Joe
Singularity
NewActin'
MendelZ
Shmeichel
MBJ

Now, what I just did is fairly dangerous (and I really need to look this over again, for it was done at several sittin's), because I probably left out a bunch of fellows, and I do apologize, but I wrote this list for two reasons: 1. I wanted to display and demonstrate the power of GYE; it creates lastin' friendships, friend who deeply care about one another. Four years ago, I knew none of these fellows and now we are best of friends. 2. Perhaps a couple of them I have helped on their journey, but one thing is certain - each and every one of them helped me on mine. I learned humility from one, commitment from another. Mussar, calmness, faith, prayer, carin', devotion, thoughtfulness, diligence, humor, assertiveness, resolve, confidence and more - are just some of the things that I try to apply in my daily life, and for that, they need to be mentioned. If I left you out, you know it was just an oversight and I sincerely apologize (and i will include in the edit- I am gettin' rushed to hit submit), but I truly thank you for helpin' out a punk like me.

And I must confess that when a fellow emails, calls, texts, WhatsApps, skypes, bumps into me and says, "Cords, you really saved my life, you truly helped me today, this past year would have been impossible without you, I didn't get that massage because of your text" yes, it feels good, and my ego makes it feel even better, but it's you guys who deserve the credit. You, who set me straight to begin with, you, who showed me my flaws, you, who convinced me of my egotistical, self-centeredness, you, who paved the way for me, and you as well who gave me the opportunity to give back, to keep me honest, to constantly share life's struggles and mine in particular, so thank you.

So, in conclusion:

There might be ten thousand reasons to let you all go
There might be ten thousand reasons to just quit the show
About ten thousand reasons

If I had a highway, I would stay in my truck
If the coffee wasn't bitter, we'd be all out of luck
But you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all this worn out leather
I've got ten thousand reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one to stay

Posters stuck in a cycle, they look off and stare
It's like they've stopped breathin', but completely aware
'Cause you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

And if by mistake I say something that iI might even mean
It's hard to even fathom which parts you should believe
'Cause you're givin' me ten thousand reasons
Givin' me ten thousand reasons

Baby I'm bleedin', bleedin'
Can't you give me what I'm needin', needin'
Every heartbreak and fall and sickness makes it hard to keep the faith
But baby, I just need one good one
Good one, good one, good one

Baby, I just need one good one to stay, to stay, to stay.

And that good one is you.
Yes, you.