1. This is not a regular anonymous online forum. We are all here because we are all struggling with the same illness. Many of us know who each other are (gasp!) in real life. Is it unrealistic to expect a higher level of respect for one another than on some mudslinging political blog?

2. Now that I have been at SA meetings (and look forward to the next one), I can say that I have met SA members that have forceful tendencies.

 Sorry for getting involved. I apologize to everyone I have offended (probably everyone). I have my own screwed up life to worry about; my two cents are probably not helping anyone, and especially me.

Bigmoish wrote on 15 Sep 2016 23:56:

No need to apologize, I think that honesty is something that is necessary for these forums. I'm not trying to force recovery down waydown's throat. This is an emotional expression of how I'm feeling. What I am pushing is for him to get his head out of the sand and to stop the self pity. When someone tries the same thing over and over and over and over and then over, it can get really frustrating for me. And that's how I feel, and it reached the point where I think that those feelings can influence somebody and hopefully help them help themselves. Believe me, I know that I cannot force anybody to recover. But I have definitely had my own influences in my life of people that really sparked me to recover. I just hope that I can do that. Calling out someone on their BS is effective.

Moish your sense are precious - you had a point - don't reverse

btw guys. At the rate things are going this thread like
"solutions for tonight" is gonna reach page 50 within a week - Cool

Waydown can I hire you to help me move my story thread a little faster too please...

Maybe a picture of me fully shaved...

Bigmoish wrote on 15 Sep 2016 20:29:


I know, it happens to all good recovery places. It gets aggressive and preachy and culty. It's what drove me out of the 12 steps group that I really liked- while I've said many times that I don't like 12 steps, I loved the people in the group a lot and was there for a year but toward the end it started getting preachy and aggressive.

Markz,
I'm not even sure about the whole what Workz for me thing. I certainly don't see that as the yeshua because someone sees it in your signature. I think that when people build a safe relationship on the forum, they feel comfortable to reach out or observe and learn from the other person.

And I'm not sure about the calling people out on their BS. So many people here can be called out on their BS- and they know it themselves. They have to want it, come to it on their own, or somehow made to feel valuable enough that it's not worth it for them to act out.

I forgot, but what does 12 steps say about reaching out to people through attraction and knowing but a little?

"We know only a little, God will constantly disclose more to you and to us."
"Attraction rather then promotion."

My experience was that I only got sober when I hit bottom. However, I have found that tough love was very helpful. My sponsor just had an intense conversation with me the other day. He completely didn't agree with what I was saying and he made that clear. And I ended up tabling that discussion because I internalized his point. 

Again, I want to make this clear. I'm expressing myself because I have had enough. I don't care if I'm wrong. I don't believe that I am, but I don't care. If waydown has sex with 40 people tomorrow I'm not going to blame myself. If he gets into a program of recovery then it's not me either. God runs this world, I don't. And I truly believe that. In terms of what Cordnoy said about the "Rarely" passage, again, that's his opinion. It's not mine. I cherish the Big Book and I relate a lot to it, especially that part. I'm not here to win a popularity contest. And I can't believe I'm taking about myself!!! WE HAVE A BROTHER WHO IS IN PAIN! So much so that he's not even aware of it! As a forum as a whole we have missed the point. Our ego's should be checked at the door. Although I do admire guys who wear their emotions on their sleeves, it's much needed. Even in an anonymous forum. Case in point is Moish, I know him "in real life." Also Skeptical. Thinking about it now, most of whom I respect on this forum are people who are completely honest with themselves. 

Poor Mr. Waydown,

He simply returned to share that he was struggling, and his thread turned into an avalanche.

B'hatzlachah to you

Cordnoy,

You're so right. Markz, how do we move this conversation to a different place- maybe call it does tough love help if someone isn't holding by recovery yet or something like that?

Waydown,
There have been many points where I haven't wanted to stop. I've known it causes me problems, known it was wrong, but I just couldn't find the motivation or desire to really stop. I wanted to, but didn't want to.

For me, the more I was able to bring more normalcy, balance, and take some stress out of my life, the more I was able to clearly think and feel that I didn't want to do this. Then, it seemed less attractive than real living.

And yes, the same story happens over and over again. For some people that's part of the process till they get sick of it. I'd imagine it's that way for many on the forum.

I hope you find the motivation soon.

Let's not move it anywhere.

This is the way of an online forum.

It is what happens when you put together a bunch of lust/porn addicts, with obvious time on their hands and you group teenagers, adults and grandpas together.

Enough with the rules! This is online. Maybe you can only post once a day, or only on Tuesdays or only on two threads. Perhaps one should not be allowed to post on Shabbos. How about if we ban a fellow for not responding? And God forbid, if one introduces himself on two threads!

This site does consider itself a frum site (except of course for all those despicable sins we are constantly committing), so there needs to be a pro-God (and not of your understanding) stance, and we are concerned that some will learn new ways to act out, so we edit the names of magazines, addresses for certain web sites and some kinky fetishes one might possess, but other than that, let the chips fall where they land.

I mean seriously, if one is gonna heed advice from some anonymous sex addict, whose fault is that? Perhaps there should be a panel to determine the status of each and every poster and what the percentages are of receiving proper advice from him.

And this rant is not addressing any specific thought or post; it simply is to caution some people to the perils of this site and also to calm others down from all the hysteria.

This sickness/disease/addiction that we possess is a serious one, and this site does a wonderful job of shedding light on it with a cornucopia of suggestions, advice and ideas. Let people find their way. Allow people to spew their venom, foolishness, criticism, childish, egotistical comments and move the Hell on!

B'hatzlachah

Thanks cords, loved the post

cordnoy wrote on 16 Sep 2016 11:47:

I don't think you're being realistic. I don't agree with that. It's more then just his return that he was struggling. There's a lot of history here. And to your point about taking advice, then what's the purpose of this whole site? Basically all of us are anonymous! I can't speak for others,  but I post on this forum exactly how I talk to others in my life. If not for societal reasons, I would use my full name. Although as I'm writing this, I think I'm actually agreeing, in part, to what you're saying. 

Shlomo,
I would respond, but I really don't understand your points; specifically sentence 1,3 & 5.

wow I see this forum turned leibdik  over nite.

Day 4 back home and I was clean last night. Ok not to pat myself too hard, I just didn't have a strong tavia last night. Was it because I was just tired or due to GYE or both? But who cares clean is clean.

One more pointer about me and my return specifically. As a frum jew with I think some what yiras shomiam elul and yom hadin did scare me to return home. I know this is also rehashed discussion if religion plays a role in recovery or not. However, I won't discuss if it should play a role or if it did play a role in anyone else's life,  rather I share what plays a role in my life. Will it  be the magic bulled towards my recovery? No its not the magic bullet. But does it give me pause for thought? Like what the heck am I doing 2 weeks before rosh hashana? And even more so when the lady you chat with tells you, you are too religous and it just feels not right for  me to cheat with someone who is so strong in his beliefs. And so for me religon at -least motivates me  to work on my problem even if it doesn't stop me or solve my problem.

waydown wrote on 16 Sep 2016 15:18:

I am jealous.