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I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence
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TOPIC: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 34810 Views

Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 00:51 #295120

  • Markz
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Watson didn't say quiting only the 'really bad stuff' is a prerequisite. 






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Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 04:37 #295125

  • shlomo24
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waydown wrote on 14 Sep 2016 21:23:
Oh Watson,

I totally agree. Quitting the really "bad stuff" is not a goal. Its a prerequisite. 

I will repeat again that I agree with you chevra, if its half hearted I will just end up back in the same hole. 

Then do it. Jump in to your recovery. I dare you to fail. Prove me wrong. Stop speculating. Losers try their best. Is that what you think you are? Well you aren't. I know that and God knows that. I don't think you realize that. Enough with the self-pity, it's ridiculous. You're better than that. Calculate the time you put into your disease. Subtract it by half and put it into your recovery. You'll be happy, joyous, and free. You don't believe me? I dare you. Prove me wrong. Show me the sincere work and I'll be damned if you aren't sober. 

From the Big Book: "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through . . .
Promise 1
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Promise 2
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
Promise 3
We will comprehend the word serenity.
Promise 4
We will know peace.
Promise 5
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
Promise 6
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
Promise 7
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Promise 8
Self-seeking will slip away.
Promise 9
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Promise 10
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
Promise 11
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
Promise 12
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."

Give it a shot, bro. Who doesn't want that! You're lying through your teeth if you say you don't. And I think you know exactly what to do to get those promises. 

Another quote from the Big Book: "Rarely have  we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest."

If you fail then you're one of the above. In which case I pity you. 

By the way, I don't care if I'm being codependent or too forecfull or whatever. Enough is enough, waydown. I refuse to see the same soap opera happen again. Wake up and smell the coffee. YOUR LIFE IS SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL!  And your disease is so cunning that you don't even realize it; you aren't cognizant that your efforts will go to sh** without a serious program of recovery. The moderator can delete that if he wants to. 

If it hurts you scream. And this hurts me. So I'm screaming.

The saddest thing is that this probably won't do anything. Lust is so much more powerful than me. Oh well, I'm doing what I can. 

I want to end with this: From the bottom of my heart, waydown, I sincerely wish you happiness and success and true love. May you have everything that life has to offer. May you be a beacon of God's spirituality. May you do his will always. 
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com
Last Edit: 15 Sep 2016 04:52 by shlomo24.

Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 12:25 #295128

  • cordnoy
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The paragraph in the big book beginning with "rarely" is one that I skipped many times on my call cycle. I thought and think that it is condescending, cult-like (even more than the program itself), wrong and dare I say, counterproductive.

That being said, I recommend that ya'all should read the book and choose for yourself. I am thankful that I chose to do so. I am grateful for all the meetings I attended. My second sponsor was a God-send.

Onward!
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Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 14:04 #295129

  • bigmoish
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waydown wrote on 14 Sep 2016 15:22:
I need more time to settle in. First order is to quit at least the really bad stuff meaning no social connections with the other gender whether fb or via e-mail with anyone but my wife period.

And by the way, I also had a social connection with someone out in KY. We were too far to ever meet. But we chatted daily for probably 6 months. I just quickly told her goodbye and shut down my e-mail. That was very very hard.

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Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 15:16 #295131

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Day 3 still holding up but yes I need to start rolling up my sleeves. Its just hard to admit that I need to let go of my lolli pops.

Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 17:49 #295135

  • Workingguy
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Shlomo,

indeed, it is unlikely at least in my opinion that a rant like this will be helpful. Most of the time when I want to do around like this it's because I see someone else doing my own stupidity and I'm sort of mad at myself.

Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 17:57 #295136

  • shlomo24
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You could think that. I don't. I also wouldn't call it a rant. That was heartfelt. I don't believe in mad at myself, I just recognize and empathize with the insanity. Big difference.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

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Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 17:58 #295137

  • eslaasos
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waydown wrote on 15 Sep 2016 15:16:
Day 3 still holding up but yes I need to start rolling up my sleeves. Its just hard to admit that I need to let go of my lolli pops.

Would you like to elaborate on the specifics of the manifestation of "rolling up your sleeves"?
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Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 19:11 #295140

  • waydown
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In simple terms roll up myself by stopping to be M"Z. However I have been down this road so many times and there have been numerous discussions about it. Bottom line, its hard for me to gain the will power to let go of my lollipop. I still want my lolli's even though its poisonous. Sorry I know to many this is nothing new.

Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 19:24 #295141

  • eslaasos
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waydown wrote on 15 Sep 2016 19:11:
In simple terms roll up myself by stopping to be M"Z. However I have been down this road so many times and there have been numerous discussions about it. Bottom line, its hard for me to gain the will power to let go of my lollipop. I still want my lolli's even though its poisonous. Sorry I know to many this is nothing new.

No need to apologize. This is not just nothing new, it's almost 5,777 years old.

OK, so you are aware that you have a hard time not partaking in a poisonous lollipop (many people don't make it that far). What options do you have to deal with it?
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Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 19:39 #295142

  • waydown
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eslaasos,

Yeah I don't know my options. But I have a hard time wanting to give it up. I still want my candies. I don't want to let go. Although "I want to want to let go".

Again sorry I know this is like a repeat ad kind of the story of my life.

Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 19:45 #295143

  • stillgoing
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Stopping an issue as huge as ours is intensely hard even for those with huge will power. Thankfully, we usually don't need to 'just stop'. We try 'stopping' first, and if that won't work (because we lack the will power or whatever) we then turn for help. Getting help doesn't mean 'stopping'. If 'stopping' worked we would never have created a username on this website and posted. We would have already stopped the first time. Or second. Or tenth. Or hundredth. At what point do we say "this 'stopping' thing is not working. I need outside help".
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Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 20:14 #295144

  • eslaasos
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waydown wrote on 15 Sep 2016 19:39:
eslaasos,

Yeah I don't know my options. But I have a hard time wanting to give it up. I still want my candies. I don't want to let go. Although "I want to want to let go".




So you're stuck straddling the fence, being pulled in both directions. But you want to want to get off the fence.

And you don't know what your options are to get there. That's not a stirah. It's actually par for the course.

So what will you do about it? 
May I make a suggestion?
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Last Edit: 15 Sep 2016 20:28 by eslaasos.

Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 20:26 #295145

  • shlomo24
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I find it interesting that you call masturbation M"Z. 
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: I am Back After a Long Leave Of Absence 15 Sep 2016 20:29 #295146

  • bigmoish
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I actually feel bad that a guy can't post on the forum without 3 guys trying to force recovery down his throat.
I feel bad that I am/was guilty of this as well.
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My threads:
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/236327-Bigmoish-tries-to-be-good
www.guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/236329-Bigmoishs-path-to-tahara

"We have met the enemy and he is us" - Pogo
"Expectation is the mother of frustration" - gibbor120
"Today, damn it! Today!" - cordnoy
"Desiring is not a sin at all, but just a sign that you are not dead yet" - Dov
"We are our own worst observer" - eslaasos's therapist
WDHW!!!
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