Today marks the big 30, it has been 30 days since I started my battle against the Y/H. During the last 30 days he has taken unprecedented steps to get me back on board. His latest atempt started last night around 5:30, he had me up against the ropes, I was already seeing double, and wobbling. I was both physically and emotionally drained (I have not slept well for the past few nights). My brain was spinning so fast that during Maariv I was so torn that I am still not sure if I even said half the words. At one point I turned to the Ribono Shel Olam and said “You created him he is Your problem You deal with him”.
This morning (after another sleepless night) I was so weak that I had to drag myself out of bed and as usual I went to the mikvah. I was so weak that I didn’t have the strength to climb back out of the mikvah. While I was standing there I said to myself ”Moshe you can’t stay here forever, lets go” I then finished up and slowly made my way to shule. I said the short Yehi Ratzon before donning my tefillin with some extra feeling and as I was making the berocha , Hashem infused me with simcha and strength like nothing I have ever felt before. That’s not the end of the story my friends.
Among the lessons of Purim is that the Ribono Shel Olam prepares the remedy in advance of the trouble. Like the famous joke that the tractate of Gitten (relating to the laws of divorce) proceeds the tractate of kiddushin (relating to laws of marriage). Yesterday I was in a used book store for the first time that was known to have a Jewish section. I was browsing when I notice a book tiled Toras Shimon. At fist I tough it was that new book from Rabbi Shimshon Pincus (why I confused Shimon and Shinshon, not sure??). However upon closer inspection I saw that it was divrei torah from Rebbe Shimon Yoruslaver one of the great chasidic giants. Who among us doesn’t have a little chasidus in our hearts and besides the book was only $1.50, I bought it. This morning I had a few minuets so I decided to look up a vort on the parshah. There were two, I read the first one and here it is:
(Bereishis 27:27) “And he smelled the scent of his garments”.
Says the Rebbe the Zohar Hakodesh explains the Torah’s use of the word Beged over the word Levush when referring to Yaakov’s garments as alluding to those descendant of Yaakov who were bound to betray his legacy (the word beged “garment” and bogdove (Base, Vov, Gimel, Daled, Yud, Vov)“his betrayers” are similar as to their spelling). But continues the Rebbe, they were promised that they would eventually find the strength to wholeheartedly repent and emit a Godly scent of Teshuvah. It was this scent, explains the Rebbe, the scent of eventual Teshuvah that was emanating from Yaakov’s garments. The Rebbe then goes on to quote different sources to drive his point home. WOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thousands of books in the store, mistakenly picked up, only hours before I need it most.
It is my wish that the Ribono Shel Olom should give me and all of us the strength the reach a level of holiness where not just us but even our garments should emanate with the scent of kedusha.
Thank you and good shabbos,
