Hi guys
I need to get some stuff off my chest,
so about 2 months ago I was 364 days clean and blew it, ALMOST A YEAR AHHHHH!!!!!
I was crushed and sorta gave up on sobriety, ever since then I coudnt keep sober for more than 2-3 days . it was that feeling of bieng stuck at the beginning and i forgot how hard it was to get clean again....

its also the pain of realizing that i need to wait another year before starting shidduchim again(thats what my shrink says) for goodness sake im nearly 25 and overweight, who on earth will take me then?????

as of pesach bein hazmanim , ive been acting out every night just because of the inner turmoil. I know i shoud have called people or something but i felt like "been there done that and now im told im stuck here for good with dim future prospects". I guess im getting out of vacation mode and going back to real life  so i wanna jump into the sobriety bandwagon but im scared and afraid I dont have the Koach to get far

but ive fallen a million times and im gonna get up again :-)

I'm restarting all my sobrrety timers 

My friend!!!

"Give Up Never"!!

 Al Tisyaesh wrote on 03 Apr 2015 05:40:



What program have you been working recently, and what not?

I am going to sa meetings once a week , sadly my group therapy stopped since some guys moved and I really miss those, doing step 2 with my sponsor now

Hi guys,
I'm going good so far haven't acted out, I'm surrendering resentments and trying to stay positive. just got back from vacation and preparing for a good sober summer zman

I can relate to your predicament. My longest streak was over 400 days and then I fell. It's very hard to get up. Remember that you don't lose the days because you fell. You still have all those days that you were clean.

Also we know we can stay clean since we've done it before. We learned a lot about ourselves over those clean days.

I also know how you feel about shidduchim even though my rebbi says I should go in even though I'm not clean for very long now. Even though I have the go ahead I'm not really running into it. If you can't go into shidduchim for a year then at least try to use the time to prepare. 

Keep up the good work and stick around.

@inastruggle
Thanks 

Np.

How's it going?

One day at a time its going great, im 18 days sober today thanks to my higher power. I feel like spiritually im in a vetter place since im not acting out and im connecting to god but on a religious level i still am not doing amyrhing and im worried it might affect my sobriety...

Al Tisyaesh wrote on 05 Feb 2017 18:42:

Explain please this spirituality and connection to God stuff.

Flaking on religious stuff is normal. See Dov's article in rav Twerski's book Teshuva through Recovery. I don't know where to find it on here. But it explains it well. 

Might be a resentment of "Why hasn't frumkeit worked for me!?" which I feel I do have to a certain extent as well. It's tough. I hear you, bro.

Hi Everyone
Just hit 45 days and feeling great , had a pressurising shabbos and my body is craving a quick fix ,,,,,
It wont solve my problem and it definately wont make me feel better but my body doesnt care

GOD... I WANNA BE FREE OF THIS..... just for today please

Are you still going to SA? How are the steps going? I'm on step 1, finally got a notebook to write my 1st step inventory. Yeah, that's gonna be fun.

​Regarding shidduchim...let me put it this way - you will make a much more desirable husband being in real recovery and a few years older than you are the other way around. I got married in my late 20s. then again, I didn't keep up the program that worked for me, and my relapse was very, very painful - for me and everyone around me.

How is your day going?

Keep going. Don't give up!

Hi guys,
Its been a while since I posted and I think its about time I got back into it.

B'H on a whole I'm doing great. I'm sober, I'm going to meetings, I'm a better sibling, friend, and child, I feel like this journey has been an amazing and successful one.

On the other hand, I have to deal with stuff I had never had to deal with before. My sponsor and my rabbi both took told me I'm ready for shidduchim  and it's been a great experience, but the fact still remains that I'm single and now that I'm dealing with emotions instead of lusting, the pain of loneliness is unbearable. I mean most of my friends are married and here I am living my life with no-one to share it with...

Another thing I find myself dealing with is a higher spiritual expectation of myself. Morally I want to be going to shul 3 times a day and learning at least 1 hour, practically I manage to put on Tefillin before shkia and I get to learn twice a week, which is amazing compared to what I was doing before ( there were months I wasn't putting on tefillin at all ) but I feel like its not enough and I'm demanding from myself more and have been feeling very empty. 

I don't want to sound like I'm unhappy, I'm a million times happier than I was before I got sober, it is just that getting sober put me on a path of constantly needing to work on myself and self-assess and always demanding to get better. sometimes this gets too much.

You are a builder. Look what you have accomplished. Hashem is definitely celebrating with you each little step - which have developed into great accomplishments. Iyh you will find the right one soon andyour loneliness will go into the annals of history. Maybe break things into smaller pieces and aim for minyan just once a day. Pick the tfila that has the best chance for success. Hatzlocha chaver.